Connor Stalions' Mom Sure Hates Ohio State

Damn, Kelly Stalions!

I was reading a Washington Post story from over the weekend where the reporter rambled on about the life and times of accused CIA-ish agent Connor Stalions, who resigned last week as a low-level University of Michigan football staffer who had the ear of the offensive and defensive coordinators when one buried nugget jumped off the page at me.

“Breathe if you hate Ohio State,” his mother, Kelly, tweeted last Nov. 20, six days before Michigan beat its utmost rival, 45-23, in a game now studied for clues of Michigan’s apparent knowledge of Ohio State’s signs.

It turns out Kelly, whose Twitter bio reads "Mom, wife, friend, teacher, coach, gym rat. Lover of avocados, music, books, shoes, and University of Michigan athletics," was no stranger to dropping the word "hate" in tweets about Ohio State.

In 2021, as her beloved Wolverines were riding high and coming off a 2020 season that saw Michigan opt out of The Game, Kelly let another "hate" rip.

She went with an "OHOWIHATEOHIOSTATE" tweet that was straight out of something you'd see from some toothless Detroit-based Walmart Wolverine on Facebook.

Meanwhile, Kelly is a public school teacher. She's not just any teacher. She's coming off a 2022-23 season when she was named Teacher of the Year at her school.

That's why these "hate" tweets seem so harsh, so unbecoming of a motherly figure who typically wouldn't use such harshness.

What does it all mean?

I don't know, but it's little nuggets like these two tweets that the scriptwriters who eventually release the Stalions' football spy movie must consider because it seems to show that there has been this boogeyman (Ohio State) out there driving Michigan fans to extremes like Kelly, who seems like a nice lady, to tweet "OHOWIHATEOHIOSTATE" at 6:17 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

Had CIA Stalions been driven by this hatred his whole life which ultimately led him to operate a college football sign-stealing agency (allegedly!)?

Is it possible Kelly's clearly deep-seated hatred for Ohio State infiltrated his brain and turned him into the ultimate enemy of the state (of Ohio)?

Kelly was barely awake the last two years on gameday and tweeting about how she hated Ohio State.

As she's tweeting her hatred, somewhere deep below The Big House, her son was working on his Michigan Manifesto, the document that purportedly would lead the military vet to one day run the football program.

Take it from here, scriptwriters.

All the elements are here for a suspense thriller for the ages.