Misleading Posters, Festivals, And Earplugs: The Many Things Ruining Live Music

My Far Side desk calendar is telling me that it's Tuesday — and it has yet to prove me wrong yet — which means that it's time for another edition of The Gripe Report!

A while back, we did an edition of The Gripe Report that focused on concerts.

Now, I love a concert… but there are also plenty of things that drive me insane. So many, in fact, that we're doing another batch of concert gripes.

Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com

Not much more to say as far as an intro is concerned…

…so I guess we can just get into, huh?

Misleading Concert Posters

The gripe that inspired a revisiting of this topic comes from Mike in North Jersey. It has to do with a recent Pat Benatar show and its poster that would lead one to believe that she and her husband/axeman, Neil Giraldo, would be blasting "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" or "Hell Is For Children."

Nope.

According to Mike, the show was advertised using this photo:

Sure looks like an ad for a concert, doesn't it? (Courtesty of Mike in North Jersey)

Now, that sure looks like it's advertising a concert to me. Sure, that "1979-2019" seems a little out of place, but I would’ve just assumed that it was one of those anniversary tours that go on forever. 

Had he not died, I bet Michael Jackson would be on the "40 Years of Thriller" tour as we speak, even though that anniversary was back in 2022.

Anyway, Mike went hoping to hear some hits, but it turns out that this was advertising a Q&A with Pat and Neil about their children’s book My Grandma and Grandpa Can Rock, which I’m sure will someday become a major motion picture.

I did some digging, and it looks like the venue was to blame here, not Benatar and Giraldo’s camp, but imagine showing up ready to hear some tunes and getting an earful of how they came up with the idea for a children's book that I have a strong suspicion is really just about them and their grandkids.

Because, if I’m not mistaken, they are, in fact, a grandma and a grandpa who can, and do, rock.

They just didn’t rock that night.

This is nothing short of enraging. Getting cucked by a concert poster is the worst, and it reminds me of a time it happened to me.

*Dreamy music plays as we transition to a flashback gripe* 

"We're gonna slow things down for a minute…" says the singer, as the entire crowd leaves to get beer. (Getty Images)

Unexpected Unplugged Sets

The year was sometime in the mid-2010s. I was attending the University of Central Florida, and on one weekday evening, I found myself at Epcot’s Food & Wine Festival waiting to see Night Ranger take the stage.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re correct: I couldn’t keep the ladies away from me in college.

Now, I was excited to see Night Ranger because I’m a guitar nerd, and their lead guitarist is a guy named Brad Gillis. He’s regarded as the king of the whammy bar, and he played with Ozzy Osbourne in the early ‘80s after the death of Randy Rhoads.

So, I was excited to see some whammy acrobatics and some divebombs the likes of which haven’t been seen since WWII.

But when Gillis, Jack Blades (what a name), and company took the stage, I had a sudden feeling of dread.

The reason? They were all carrying acoustic instruments, and I didn’t see any amplifier stack, no matter how hard I looked.

What followed was like 45 minutes of Night Ranger tunes… unplugged.

I like an unplugged set as much as the next very handsome and very funny writer, but I need to be prepared for it. In this case, I thought I was going to have holes blasted in my eardrums by Gillis and whammybar theatrics.

Instead, I've got a mellow version of "Sister Christian."

This was not advertised anywhere, so it was a total shock. 

I mean, I wasn’t mad, and I was just disappointed, sort of the same way I was about Spinal Tap II: The End Continues.

Live music is awesome. Filth, heat, and sweaty hippies? Not so much. (Getty Images)

Festivals

I like a concert, but I really can’t bring myself to do the festival thing.

Here’s what I like about my concert. You go in for a couple of hours, see an opener or two, and then the headliner, and then you go home.

Here’s what I don’t like about my concert: having to sit through dozens of bands I don’t know or like while surrounded by tons of sweaty, unshowered people just so I can see the one band I do like play a much shorter set than if I had just seen them on their own.

I know a lot of people love the whole festival thing, but I don’t get it.

When I see a band I like is going on tour and the nearest stop to me is a festival, my first thought is always, "Welp, I guess I’ll just wait until they play the House of Blues to see them."

Call me crazy, but I like going to concerts without having to sleep in a hot tent and wait in a line with filthy people to use the shower or get some water.

Again, maybe I'm just nuts.

"…WHAT?!" (Getty Images)

Getting To The Point Where You Need Earplugs

I turned 30 a couple of months back, which isn't that old, but I have recently fully committed to doing something that I thought wouldn't happen until much later in life.

I started wearing earplugs to concerts.

If you has asked me a few years back, I would've thought that I had a good 15 to 20 years before I felt the need to plug up the ol' earholes, but a couple bouts of ringing ears when I was sitting in my quiet office creating these here masterpieces like the one you're currently reading (Hi!) made me realize I need to protect my ears.

Plus, after 30 years of being able to hear things, I've grown to like it quite a bit.

So, the last few concerts I've gone to, my ears were plugged up from start to finish. I know that's a healthy thing to do, but it still felt like a sign that my days of being a youngin' who throws caution to the wind were behind me.

Now, I've got a pair of reusable earplugs that I can clip to my keys. I don't take them everywhere, but they have earned a spot on the tray we keep near the door for keys and wallets. That's big. That's not quite the starting line-up, but it's like being the first guy who gets called off the bench.

But now I'm really getting concerned because earplugs are coming out — or getting considered more.

I wore them to a wrestling show a few months back, and when I saw Spinal Tap II: The End Continues, I recall thinking to myself, "Man, it's kind of loud in here, I wish I had my earplugs."

Not proud of how dorky this is, but again, I've grown to really like hearing stuff.

…

That's it for this edition of The Gripe Report, and what an edition it was. I've got my phone on me at all times in case the Library of Congress calls asking for a copy.

Anyway, feel free to send any gripes in for a future edition!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com