Build-A-Bear Is Getting Naughty, Beyoncé Goes Country & The Mahomes Family Heads To Disneyland
You cannot say I didn't warn you.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. As your official Womansplainer, I started giving you a heads-up more than a month ago. Now, here you are — on February 13. Hopefully, you have a nice night planned. Maybe you're going out for a romantic steak dinner. Maybe you're bringing home her favorite flowers and a delicious bottle of red. Or you're enjoying something else she loves, like hiking, live music or watching reality TV without complaining.
Or maybe you're scrambling — trying to figure out whether CVS or Walgreens has the best greeting card selection or standing in line at the grocery store self-checkout with a pre-made bouquet. Godspeed, my friends.
Let's check in with …the presidents?
Spot on.
Personally, I'm very excited for Valentine's Day. My husband and I are going to get a couple's massage (which I booked, by the way, because I believe in equality). But I'm hoping he has something planned, too — despite his injury. (I'll explain that on Friday.)
Regardless of your plans for the second Wednesday of February, I think it's safe to say we could all use a beverage. Pour it up. It's Nightcaps time!
Build-A-Bear Gets Naughty
I would normally save this sort of thing for Womansplaining, but we're in a time crunch here. If you haven't yet gotten your girl a Valentine's Day gift, I have an idea for you.
Build-A-Bear (yes, the children's store) has released sort of an… after-dark collection. New accessories for the adult-themed plush animals include lingerie, black slip dresses, satin robes and pajamas, leopard heart boxers, gold strap heels, champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries.
Sounds like a typical Saturday night for me.
I'm kidding! …Or am I?
Anyway, let's take a look.
OK, see that's cute. Not something I would give to a child, but it's cute.
Next up, BAB is introducing us to Dr. Love Lion — a plush version of the King of the Jungle with a heart-shaped head and a Hugh Hefner robe. You can also add an optional bouquet of roses or bottle of bubbly, if you're nasty.
Dr. Love Lion offers advice to his fans, and in an Instagram video, he explains how the best pickup lines should be "flattering, clever and smooth." Alright, lion boy. What you got?
Hey girl, are you a gazelle? Because you look like something I could sink my teeth into.
Watch:
I feel like I just watched the Usher halftime show.
Unfortunately, people on social media clutched tightly to their pearls because these toys are not appropriate for children.
"Please excuse me whilst I be violently sick," Alice Waterman-Hale — a London-based marketing strategist who is super fun at parties — wrote on X.
She told The Wall Street Journal she "wondered if they had been created just to upset people."
Alice. That just sounds like the name of a person who would be painfully offended by sexy-time teddy bears. What a silly thing to get your granny panties in a bunch over. It's not like the bears are wearing a T-shirt with someone's sexual fetish for attractive older men written across it.
Oh…
If I were drinking with y'all, I would have spit it all over my computer when I saw Zaddy Bear.
OK, Alice. You might have a point about that one.
I think it's safe to say these special Valentine's Day accessories should not be on display for or marketed to children. But let's not get worked up like this is Balenciaga 2.0. These bears are cute and pretty funny.
In fact, I have an idea for Build-A-Bear: date nights!
I'm so serious. Those places where you drink wine and paint are a huge hit. What if BAB designated a couple of hours one night a week for a teddy bear date night. Couples (or groups of friends, whatever) would pay however much money to bring a bottle of vino, make a silly teddy bear, enjoy some hors d'oeuvres. It would be fun for everyone, and Alice wouldn't even have to throw a fit about it.
BOOM.
Now, what other problems can I solve for you today? Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com. I'm on a roll.
Beyoncé Releasing Country Album
Lost in the rest of the Super Bowl frenzy was Beyoncé's announcement that she's dropping a new album.
Now, normally I would gloss right over news like that. No offense to fans of Queen Bey's music, of course — just not really my thing. But this album teaser caught my attention. Because instead of leather bodysuits, special effects and flashy choreography, this one had banjos, bolo ties and dirt roads.
Watch:
Apparently, this album — called Act II — is the "long-awaited follow-up to her 2022 Renaissance album." (Again, I haven't really followed Beyoncé since the Destiny's Child days, so work with me here.) She promised that album would be a "three-act project," and the first one was mostly dance and house music.
But this new one is going to lean country.
Look, I know what you're thinking. Not a chance this is going to be anywhere close to country music. But I think we have to acknowledge that "country," in this instance, is a relative term. Hank Williams is more country than Luke Bryan. Luke Bryan is more country than Beyoncé. So I suspect this album will fall somewhere on the scale between "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" and "Single Ladies."
I have gone on record many times bitching heavily about the current state of country music. You can read that here and here, for example. But I'm trying this new thing where I'm not going to be such a hater. (We'll see how long that lasts.)
So let's take a listen to the two tracks she's already released — "Texas Hold 'Em" and "16 Carriages."
I'm going to be honest: I don't hate that first one. That second one, though?
But I could totally see the crowd at Billy Bob's Texas line dancing to "Texas Hold ‘Em."
And as a rhythm-less white girl, I do love me some line dancing. Just as soon as I could walk, I was doing the "Boot Scootin' Boogie" all over my living room. In high school, my best friend and I bought ourselves a Wiley Hicks line dancing instructional video and taught ourselves everything from "Black Velvet" to "Tulsa Time."
Oh, you were smoking pot and drinking beer at parties in high school? OK, cool guy. I was making high honor roll and doing the Kentucky Chug in my garage. We're not the same.
Anyway — Hit me up, Bey, I'm ready to tour as a backup dancer. I've been training my whole life for this.
What did you think of Beyoncé's "country" songs? What artist from another genre do you think should cross over for a country album? My pick is HANDS DOWN Post Malone. Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com with your thoughts.
Speaking of album drops…
I'm Giving The People What They Want
No, not my debut album. If you had seen me at Toby Keith karaoke Friday night, you would probably beg me not to sing to you ever again. (Shoutout to Brewhouse West in Nashville, though. Really great people there.)
Last week I told you about Lil' Jon's upcoming guided meditations album. I asked if I should write a review. And according to my email inbox, that's a resounding yes.
So stay tuned, my little zen-blossoms. My Friday night is blocked off for pure peace and relaxation with Lil' Jonathan Smith. I'll report back on Saturday with a track-by-track review of my experience.
Phil Is A Brittany Mahomes Fan
Amber, I felt vindicated by your defense of Mrs. Mahomes. I was watching the game a few weeks ago with my brother, brother-in-law, friends… one of them made the "puke" sound when they showed Brittany (how old are we now?) So I said I think she's cute. You would think I punched someone's grandma while chugging a Bud Light by the reaction I got.
Amber:
Elder abuse AND Bud Light? Are you Travis Kelce?!
(Getty Images)
Just kidding. But you're welcome, Phil, for putting your friends in their place. As I stated during my rant on Friday, I completely understand why people find Brittany Mahomes annoying. But the idea that she's hideous to look at is just silly.
Speaking of Britt, though…
The Mahomes Family Goes To Disneyland
As is custom when one wins Super Bowl MVP, Patrick Mahomes bellowed, "I'm going to Disneyland!" as the confetti fell at Allegiant Stadium on Sunday.
And on Monday, he did exactly that.
By the way, nothing but respect for Patrick. Not because he's a three-time Super Bowl champ, two-time league MVP, on his way to becoming the next Tom Brady, blah blah blah. No. Respect to Patrick Mahomes because I saw the drunken videos from that Super Bowl victory party. The fact that he managed to make it to Disneyland with his wife and small children the next day? He is truly built different.
Anyway, who doesn't love a parade?
And since I know you all love her, you can rest assured Brittany was there, too.
(Instagram: @brittanylynne)
By the way, I think it's bullsh-t that Disney gives free tickets to hundred-million-dollar athletes while bleeding the rest of us poors dry with their exorbitant ticket and hotel prices.
Back in my past life as a social media manager in the NFL, I went to Orlando for the Pro Bowl. When it was time for the parade, Disney allowed two media representatives per team to attend and capture content from their players. So our team sent me and a videographer. Disney staff led us through an employee entrance to the park in a single-file line — counting our heads as we walked by. They corralled us like cattle into a very small, roped-off area where we were allowed to stand and film.
After the parade, it's time for interviews. Same thing — single file line, counting heads. They led us into another livestock corral, where we were allowed to interview our own players, while security personnel stood guard. Security was there to protect the players from loony fans, sure. But they were also tasked to make sure none of us media folks dared to escape and wander the park without paying the price of admission.
The gazillionaire players, meanwhile, got 10 free park passes and a VIP tour for their families. If the rest of us wanted to ride Space Mountain, we could do so on our own time …with a $150 single-day pass.
Congrats on losing $10 billion on your streaming service, you greedy rodents.
Anyway, back to Patrick Mahomes. Did this guy nail it?
Kramer Was The OG Shower Eater
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about Jessica Biel's shower-eating habits. Pat emailed me to remind me that the original king of eating in the shower was Cosmo Kramer. Biel is merely a copycat. And he's absolutely right — I should have given proper credit.
Enjoy.
One More Thing
I know, I know. I promised not to be a hater. But this guy perfectly lays out my exact thoughts on Taylor Swift.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.