Buffalo Wild Wings Drops Wing-Flavored Protein Espresso Martini, Nation Horrified

It's not very often that I come across a new food offering whose name I have to read several times just to figure out what the hell is going on with it.

But that was the case with Buffalo Wild Wings' new wing-flavored protein espresso martini.

I know that looks like a bunch of words they just pulled out of a bag and strung together, but it's real. And honestly, it's a bit horrifying.

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As I'm sure you're all aware, March 15 is National Espresso Martini Day. I like a martini (gin preferably), I like espresso and coffee in general, but have never bothered to mix the two. 

This is because I like it when things taste like the things that they are.

I want my martinis to taste like a martini, and my coffee to taste like coffee.

It's the same reason I hate when craft beer places go, "Hey, check out our new beer that tastes like cupcakes."

Go eat a cupcake if you want that!

Anyway, according to USA Today, B-Dubs is taking espresso martinis a step further. They're throwing their Buffalo Dry Rub to the max and then cranking it all full of protein. 

Because it seems there are no rules anymore.

Let's table the obvious flavor clash between rich espresso and the "I'll be feeling this later" heat of buffalo wings to address an increasing issue in modern society: the obsession with adding protein to things.

Protein is obviously good for you, but the new trend is just throwing a handful of whey protein in anything, tossing the word "PROTEIN" on it, and hoping drooling rubes will fall for it, which they do.

Otherwise, they wouldn't be rubes.

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My wife is probably sick of this (along with many other things that I do), but when we go to the grocery store I point out any ridiculous thing I can find that has a "protein" version.

Pancakes, cookies, breads, and various yogurts.

I almost had a coronary when I found protein Pop-Tarts.

Now, we're going to have people hitting up Buffalo Wild Wings, ordering a "protein" martini dusted with wing rub, and having the nerve to tell those around them, "Yeah, I'm really trying to watch what I eat these days; trying to get a lot more protein in my diet…You gonna finish those fried pickles?"

I'm also tired of these stunt products.

Like, no one seriously wants to drink that because they think it sounds good. They order it because they're the culinary Evel Knievel of their friend group and want all the idiots dumb enough to hang out with them to go, "Whoa! You're crazy, man!"

Having said that, if I'm at a table where someone else orders it and offers me a sip, I'm taking them up on it.

Y'know, for the story.