As someone who follows Greg Norman’s Instagram closely, I can tell you this is a guy hanging on to relevancy with everything he’s got. Long out of competitive golf and inching towards 70 years old, Greg invites us to live vicariously through him on social media as he shares images of himself climbing mountains, chairing board meetings, scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, sipping red wine, and yes, carefully choreographing his penis to show through his microfiber shorts on the beach.
Sadly, Greg knows better than anyone that posting on social media is like a drug. At first, you can get a quick endorphin rush out of sharing interesting old pics of your golf career, but that only lasts so long.
You need more.
So you bump it up a notch by sharing images of yourself getting on and off private jets, meeting with important world leaders and closing HUGE business deals.
But you soon find out that letting people know how smart and successful you are is nice, but it’s still not enough.
You need more.
So you begin to show people how ripped you are.
Your Instagram feed becomes a shrine to your physique. You bombard your followers with shirtless pics of yourself in the gym, on the beach, hitting balls on the range, and even relaxing at home. “Look how old I am!” you scream. “Look at my abs!” LOOK AT THEM, GOD DAMMIT!
This worked for a long time. Greg’s fitness regimen took our collective eyes off of his spotty major championship record, and we all marveled at his commitment to taking care of his body at such an advanced age.
But based on Greg’s latest Instagram post, it looks like this too has run its course, and we are now entering a dangerous new phase.
Two days ago, in a sign that can be viewed only as an escalation, Greg was on an innocent walk on the beach when he clearly instructed his wife to run ahead 20 yards and take a few “lifestyle” shots of him shirtless with his dog (below).
What Greg probably didn’t tell his wife at the time was that the warm south Florida sun was helping Greg experience what most men experience when they step out of a warm shower, which is a free flow of blood to the loins.
Translation: His hog was engorged, and he knew it.
And he wanted his 181,000 Instagram followers to know it too.
So if you’re keeping score at home, the Shark has let us all know that he’s a legendary golfer, a multi millionaire CEO, a globe trotting ambassador and a ripped 65-year-old fitness fanatic with a huge penis.
Can’t wait to see what’s next!