Channing Crowder Admits To Serial Urinal Chatting

Former NFL linebacker Channing Crowder has shared that he has broken one of the cardinal rules of men’s public restrooms: chatting to fellow urinators.

Every guy is well of this rule as well as several others (i.e. leave a space at all costs, two-shake maximum) that are seemingly ingrained in the reptilian part of the male brain. Towards the top of that list is “Thou shalt not talketh to thy neighbor.”

Well, Channing Crowder scoffs at your rules.

Crowder was talking to YouTuber Jay Hill when he happily volunteered this tidbit of info declaring “I’ll talk to a n—a in the bathroom.”

As Crowder said, he “doesn’t want to look at your sh-t” β€” he is a gentleman after all β€”but he claims that talking to urinal mates is an alpha male tactic.

“When was the last time you saw four or five male lions sitting around in the same area?” Crowder asked. “It doesn’t happen because they’ve got territories.

“The thing that makes this shit run is when you got an alpha male β€” you got a lion β€” that can sit and talk another lion and just be comfortable with it.”

After Crowder wrapped up his Animal Planet analogy, Jay Hill became the conscience of the show and replied, “That’s some bullsh-t, man.”

Hill is right. That really is some bullsh-t, man.

In this stock photo, two men exhibit proper urinal spacing but appear to be engaging in conversation. Also, the businessman putting his briefcase on the floor directly under another urinal and both men having their right arms synchronously on their hips, are gross and weird respectively. (photo by Andrew Sacks/saxpix.com andy@saxpix.com)

Talking At The Urinal Isn’t An Alpha Move, It’s Rude

I can understand and respect this argument, but I don’t feel like talking at the urinal is an alpha move; it’s just wildly impolite.

Taking a leak is one of the few respites a man can get during a hectic day or a hellish night out. You step up to the porcelain shrine, readjust a few things, then zen out.

Some would call this Nirvana.

Then, you’ve got the Channing Crowders of the world who purposefully shatter that inner peace, because they think they’re asserting dominance.

Dude, I just need a second. Let me do my business and if I’m lucky, catch a few seconds of college football on the TV above the urinal (which, by the way, is the ultimate sign that you’re at a classy establishment).

There’s nothing so important that it needs to be said while two guys are eroding some urinal cakes. If the bathroom was on fire, I’d expect to only be told once I was safely re-zipped.

We all agree to a social contract when entering a public restroom, and clearly, Channing Crowder wipes his hands (and maybe other stuff, who knows? The guy plays by his own rules) with that social contract.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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