Have you been craving a woke serving of the “non-dairiest compilation of cookies & caramel” ice cream you’ve ever had while watching the latest episode of The Rachel Maddow Show? Well, you’re in luck, snowflake. Thanks to Ben & Jerry’s, you’ll soon be able to suck down some fake Colin Kaepernick ice cream while watching Maddow take long pauses between sentences for effect. You’ll be on your third spoonful of Change the Whirled Non-Dairy when Maddow is near tears as she talks about the latest hot topic on the left.
“We’ve teamed up with [Colin Kaepernick]! Introducing Change the Whirled Non-Dairy, the flavor that’s supporting the fight to dismantle systems of oppression and empower Black and Brown people,” Ben & Jerry’s announced Thursday. “Coming to freezers in 2021!”
Ok, so what’s in it?
“Ben & Jerry’s Colin Kaepernick’s Change the Whirled Non-Dairy is made with sunflower butter and is 100% certified vegan, just like Kaepernick himself,” according to the Ben & Jerry’s website. “And Kaepernick’s portion of the proceeds go to Know Your Rights Camp, an organization he founded to empower Black and Brown youth and elevate the voices of the next generation of racial justice leaders. Know Your Rights Camp hosts free camps across America and internationally, engaging Black and Brown youth around social justice issues through education and self-empowerment.”
And there you have it. Ice cream has now been weaponized for social justice. It has me wondering if there’s a flavor out there that will be canceled due to social justice. Will something in Superman’s past be brought up to show he wasn’t enough of a Social Justice Warrior? Is there a tweet out there that will get Superman canceled? Has vanilla acknowledged its white privilege in the ice cream social structure? Will Smurf ice cream need a name change because of gender ratio inequality? Think I’m nuts? Go read this 2011 post from The Atlantic.
Go get your social justice on, America. Pound that non-dairy. I’ll be over on the couch gorging on 100% dairy, straight-from-the-cow-teat ice cream, trying to enjoy another day of living. Choose your own adventure.
We’ve teamed up with @Kaepernick7! Introducing Change the Whirled Non-Dairy, the flavor that's supporting the fight to dismantle systems of oppression and empower Black and Brown people. Coming to freezers in 2021! Learn more: https://t.co/7c0Se2vut4 pic.twitter.com/LY90ObEwCj
— Ben & Jerry's (@benandjerrys) December 10, 2020