Ladies and gentlemen, college football is officially back.
Week zero has arrived, and Western Kentucky and Austin Peay take the field at noon EST, the 2022 season will officially underway. Thirty minutes later, fans will get the first P5 vs. P5 matchup of the year with Northwestern and Nebraska doing battle in Ireland.
So, what's the perfect routine to dominate game day? Buckle up because I have a journey to take you all on that will result in a win no matter what actually happens on the field.
RISE AND SHINE:
First and foremost, you're going to want to get plenty of rest, and the fact it's already Saturday morning means you should all have done the wise thing and gotten to bed early last night.
Nobody wins a war by being exhausted. You want to dominate on the battlefield (your couch or the bar), you have to be rested. So, I hope you all got a solid eight hours, are energized and ready to roll.
So, you're up! Congratulations. What do you do next? This varies from person to person, but many people opt for a shower beer to start the college football season.
Sounds simple, right? Wrong. Perfecting the shower beer is as scientific as perfecting nuclear weapons. One mistake and it can all go wrong. You screw up this early, and your day is cooked before it even gets started.
My advice, stick a drink of choice in the freezer 20 minutes before needing to crack it open in the shower. This will allow the beer to get to that nice frosty level to counteract the heat of the shower. You go in there with one right out of the fridge and it will taste like you're drinking the sun by minute three. Stick it in the freezer, chill it, enjoy and thank me later.
It should also go without saying your pregame hype list should be BLASTING once the shower starts and shouldn't stop all day. We'll get into that more later.
BREAKFAST AND PREGAME:
So, we're dressed and ready to get some food in us. Folks, this is a marathon. We're crossing the deserts of Iraq loaded for bear for Baghdad. We can't do that without fuel. Breakfast is always important, but it's never more important than during football season.
I'm talking steak and eggs. I'm talking mountains of bacon. I'm talking burnt toast with peanut butter and black coffee. Don't hold back. How you perform at breakfast will set the tone for the rest of the day. Fellas, when it's 5:00 EST and we're watching Illinois and Wyoming slug it out, you're going to be thankful for those extra calories. If you want to throw in a bloody Mary or mimosa, be my guest, but remember we're in a marathon. Don't tire yourself out before you even get things going.
Once you feel fully fueled, it's time to get your mind right. How we do this is different for every man. For me, I fire up my sports speeches playlist and 30 minutes later, I'm ready to run through a brick wall.
Seriously, how can you watch "Friday Night Lights," "Miracle" or "Remember the Titans" and not get fired up? It's not possible.
If you have some specific highlights you enjoy watching, this is the time to mix them. For me, I always go with 2010 Wisconsin/Ohio State and the 2015 Wisconsin/Kentucky Final Four.
This is going to be different for every person, but you get the point. Take a walk down memory lane as you let your breakfast settle.
GET YOUR ACTION PLAN AND LOCATION LOCKED:
Lots of people think the key to dominating a football game day is just having great music and lots of booze. Wrong. While those are important, nothing is more important than properly communicating and scheduling.
Is the crew coming over to your place? Are you going to a bar? Are you going to start somewhere and move around?
These are not decisions you want to be making when kickoff is 60 minutes away. Ideally, you should all have already made these plans, but if you haven't, make them as quickly as possible, and cut any dead weight. If someone is delaying or dragging down the process, get rid of them.
While "leave no man behind" might be a nice mindset to have, if you become an obstacle to a great game day, you will 100% be left behind without hesitation.
For me, I generally like to start at our main bar in Washington D.C.: Dirty Water. As a working class group of men, we gravitate towards any place that serves cold beer and doesn't break the bank. If you're at a bar during college football season for any other reason than to party or drink away the pain, you're doing it all wrong. Dirty Water gets the job 10 out of 10 times, and there's a high chance I'm already there for most of you reading it.
From there, we either have a plan in place for a secondary location or I know I'm going back to my place at a specific time to keep the party rolling. By this point in time, the games are on and we're locked in. You need to be prepared.
To put it as simply as possible, stick to the plan, stick to the schedule and leave anyone who hinders that plan in the dust.
ODDS AND ENDS:
There are a few things that are kind of rolling priorities. They matter all day from the moment you wake up until you go to bed.
You need a fire playlist to listen to whenever it's an option. Clearly, if you're at a bar or restaurant, you're kind of stuck with what you have, but there's no excuse to be caught unprepared at a house party.
Have your playlist preloaded on your iPad, and it should be loaded with great songs that celebrate America, drinking beers, sports and everything in between.
For those of you who missed out on my recommendations, you can catch them here.
Food and drinks:
This should go without saying, but you need to have food ready to roll at all times, especially if you're hosting. The best time to go to the grocery store was Friday. The second best time is right now.
Whether it's wings, brats, burgers or something else, you have to have something on hand.
The same goes for alcohol. Get that fridge stocked with your drink of choice and get it stocked hours before kickoff rolls around.
When it comes to going to someone's place to soak up the action, never be the guy who shows up empty handed. The minimum - yes, minimum - is a 12 pack of beer and chips and salsa. Doesn't have to be nice beer. Cheap light beer works just fine, but you have to bring something.
This is always a touchy subject, and I hope most of you reading are dating people who also love college football. If not, what are you doing with your life?
Having said that, you need to make it clear from the jump that Saturday plans for the next several months are canceled. No, you don't want to get brunch with your friends during the Ohio State/Michigan game. No, you don't want to see a movie during the SEC slate. No, you don't want to go to a pumpkin patch no matter who is playing.
Ladies, adjust accordingly if you have a boyfriend who hates college football. Also, just get a new boyfriend. Life is short. Don't waste it with people who don't know the difference between the USC in Columbia and the one in Los Angeles.
As I've told my girlfriend many times, never make me choose between the Wisconsin Badgers and you because you won't like the outcome.
Check OutKick regularly:
During your constant flow of ice cold beer and wings as you check your gambling picks, make sure to constantly be refreshing OutKick. We have the best college football coverage in America, and I hope you're all ready for this ride. It's going to be epic.
Now, I've given you the keys to success to dominate any college football game day. Let's get after it!