22 One-Liners For Non-Football Fans Watching Football This Season

As Rachel Campos-Duffy's esteemed and official football mentor, I've been providing one-liners for non-football fans to talk football for the better part of three years. There’s a reason Rachel often sounds more informed about the game of football than, say, Will Cain or Clay Travis.

Just ask the Fox & Friends graphics department:

With the NFL season kicking off next week, you too can be an expert — err, know just enough to fit in while your friends and family spend their weekends watching hours and hours (and hours) of football.

Below, I’ve provided a long list of one-liners to use when the NFL is on this season. Using any of the following lines will instantly generate some good old-fashioned football banter with those who actually know the game.

We recommend memorizing two to three a week — maybe four if you’re attending a large gathering where football will be on in the background.

The List

"I'm thinking this is Travis Kelce's last year."
Always a good conversation starter.

"So, who here is already regretting their futures bet?"
Translation: Do you already regret your Super Bowl pick?

"Are you Team Jerry or Team Micah?"
There’s a chance — albeit slim — that the two sides come to an agreement before or during the season, making this talking point moot. So, stay close to OutKick just in case.

"Have you seen the new Cowboys doc?"
You can never go wrong with Cowboys or Netflix talk.

"So… are we watching football or the Taylor Swift concert film?"
But do you really want to be that guy or that girl? 

"Why are there so many Little Caesars ads?"
I mean, it’s literally every commercial break.

"These refs really f-ing suck."
Always a good one to write down.

"Has Travis Kelce slimmed down?"
Make it seem like you’re paying attention.

"Have you noticed Clay Travis' gambling picks this year? They really suck."
As long as you don’t catch him on one of his rare hot streaks, you’re safe.

"Who ya hoping will perform at the Super Bowl halftime this year?"
Warning: don’t ask this if you're with someone who is drinking and emotionally invested in the game. But in a casual setting, you can’t go wrong.

"What's the spread on this game?"
Just trust me.

"Is this finally the year the Chiefs fall backward?"
Probably not, though you’ll likely make a few friends along the way.

Group of people watch NFL Super bowl XLVIII on television, Feb. 2, Denver Broncos vs Seattle Seahawks. (Photo by: Joe Sohm/Visions of America/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

"How’s your fantasy football team doing?"
A good one when the room turns awkwardly silent.

"Should they have banned the Tush Push?"
Good commercial-break banter.

"I miss the days they could actually hit the QB."
Don’t we all?

"Will football finally end racism this year?"
Obviously, this may or may not go over well depending on the crowd.

"I can’t believe that ESPN woman didn’t know who Barry Sanders was."
It’s true.

"Why does the announcer sound like he’s having an orgasm?"
Only use if Sunday Night Football is on.

"Bobby Burack seems like the only writer telling the truth these days."
You’d be hard-pressed to find a crowd that doesn’t agree.

"That’s gotta be at least worth three fantasy points, right?"
Drop this one when you hear cheering. You might get a few awkward looks, but nothing too bad.

"Oh, I love their uniforms."
We recommend guys stay away from this one. Girls? Go for it.

"I’m so tired of all the Shedeur talk."
Us too.

"Refs still cheatin’ for the Chiefs, I see."
Even Chiefs fans will probably nod in agreement.

"That was a catch."
No one ever knows for certain.