All That and a Bag of Mail

BEVERLY HILLS, CA – FEBRUARY 28: Caitlyn Jenner attends the 2016 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted By Graydon Carter at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on February 28, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Anthony Harvey/Getty Images) Anthony Harvey Getty Images North America

The Friday mailbag is getting a late start today because I spoke yesterday at the University of Tennessee, then did my radio show in Knoxville this morning and drove back to Nashville all before I had time to write. 

If you didn’t see yesterday’s talk to the UT students, I guarantee this will entertain you. (Or at least be better than work). 

Also, hate to brag, but we had 500 students show up to see my talk on campus. Tennessee was introducing its new AD at the same time and less than 100 people showed up for that. So apologies for Outkick dominating the Tennessee athletic department yesterday.  

Many thanks for all who came to the talk and my apologies for the people who were sent to an overflow room.

How many people in sports media do you think can produce a crowd of 500 college kids on a random Thursday afternoon? Not many. That’s a testament to Outkick’s growth and also a sign of what tremendous work y’all have done helping to share what we do with your friends and family. You’re our only advertising.

And you’re doing a hell of a job.  

#dbap

Okay, on to the mailbag. 

Bill writes:

“I own a small construction company that deals almost exclusively with DOT contracts. We lose millions of dollars a year in business because I am a white male. DOT contracts have to have a percentage of the work go to DBEs (Disadvantaged Business Enterprises – which means women or minority) contractors. So despite the fact that we are the low bidder, we don’t get the project. The taxpayers pay the increased cost to keep the DBE’s in business.

DBE’s are a huge business in our country and a lot of people make serious bank off of being DBEs.

My question is, with the rise of “I’m female if I identify as female” and now trans-Black with Rachel Doeazel, how long before someone decides that they are a DBE because they think they are a woman or a minority? Who will sue first to get a “level” playing field? This could bring down the huge DBE system and also affect affirmative action.

It’s just like you did on your radio show where you became the first white-black-asian-Latino lesbian host, except it would have huge financial consequences for a lot of industries.”

I love this legal question. Can a transgender woman qualify for DBE contracts? What if a man who owns an existing business becomes transgender to compete for DBE contracts? What if he/she then decides to switch back to his other gender after receiving the contracts? Hell, what if a woman gets a DBE contract and then switches to being a man while she’s still receiving the DBE contracts?

This is a fascinating legal question: what qualifies someone to be transgender from a biological and medical perspective? Do you have to give up your penis to be classified as a woman? Or is growing boobs enough? How far do you have to go with treatment to be considered a man or woman? Is crossdressing every day enough? Is merely announcing your intent enough?

Also, if a court recognizes that gender is simply a decision, how could a court also not recognize that race can also be a decision?

The question I keep asking that social justice warriors can’t answer is this: why is the white woman who was the head of the NAACP, Rachel Dolezal, a racist pariah for deciding to identify as black, but if she had decided to become a man it would be unacceptable to question her decision? What’s more, we’d all be told we had to praise her for being brave. Isn’t it much easier to change your race than to change your gender?

If so, why is one considered heroic and the other considered racist?

That’s why I’m proud to be the most inclusive man in America. I’m trans racial: I’m 25% white, 25% Asian, 25% Hispanic, and 25% black. 

Zack writes:

“Since you are one of the few people in the country right now who seems to be able to rationally think, I would like to hear your thoughts on a discussion my wife and I had the other day.

I proposed that if there was as much money in women’s sports as there was in men’s, men would routinely announce they were transgender just to dominate women’s sports and make a ton of money. I said that right now there is not enough money in women’s sports to motivate people to do that.

She countered my argument by saying that she thinks people would not do something like that just for the money. I think that if the money is right, people would do just about anything.

Do you agree with me that there would be a ton of people pulling a “Juwanna Mann” if there was more economic incentive in women’s sports?”

Let’s take it outside of sports, how much money would you have to be paid to undergo transgender surgery? Because that’s really what you’re asking here since the decision would be based on financial gain. 

I’m the king of everyone has a price. I’ve written about the fact that I would blow a dude if you paid me enough money.

Here’s my blow job answer as a refresher:

“That’s why I believe every straight man should be willing to give a single blow job to completion for somewhere between 5 to 10x your yearly salary. Certainly you can take less money than five times your salary, but I think any man who wouldn’t blow another man for 5 to 10x your yearly salary is a liar or a fool, probably both.

Now there are some dudes who claim that there is no amount of money possible that would lead them to blow another man — you might even have one of these friends — but I think every guy who says this is actually gay and trying to hide it by seeming super straight.

I mean, if you consider that just about every woman and all gay men will give a blow job for free at some point in their lives, it’s crazy to act like this is that awful of a thing to do. There are tons of things I would less rather do than blow a dude. For instance, would I rather practice law full time for the next five years or blow a dude for 15 minutes? No contest, I’m blowing the dude. I mean, think about this, if you practice law for five years straight you’re basically jerking off clients all day long every day.

And I can blow one dude for 15 minutes and be done with it for five years?

Sign me up.

Think about how many people hate their jobs. You’re telling me you wouldn’t blow a guy to not have to work for five or ten years? Come on, I have an umblemished record of heterosexuality and I would suck a dick in a heartbeat for that trade. Especially if you put the cash in front of me or gave me a dumptruck filled with cash and the keys to drive away.

I’d be the happiest dick sucker alive.”  

All of that remains true. 

But I have to be honest with you, if you told me right now that I could own the Dallas Cowboys if I traded my dick for a vagina, I wouldn’t do it. And that’s a multi-billion dollar franchise. I’d be a billionaire. Now would I wear dresses every day for the rest of my life as long as I got to keep my dick and didn’t have to take estrogen pills? For sure. But would I give up my dick and switch to a vagina and have boobs for the Dallas Cowboys?

No way in hell. 

Would I do it for Warren Buffet’s money?

No. 

And he’s the richest man alive on earth. 

I’m kind of shocked by this decision given the fact that I’m the ultimate capitalist, but I don’t think there is any amount of money that I could be paid to give up my masculinity.

Now the flip side here is that I’d sell my race for a million dollars, easy. Make me black, Hispanic, Asian or Native American and give me a million dollars for my white privilege?

SOLD.

But there’s no way I’m switching genders for any amount of money.

Which goes to my point above, how can we act like switching genders is less significant than switching races? If anything, you should be able to be transracial an awful lot easier than you should be transgender.

I’m fine with people being both transgender and transracial — hey, whatever make you happy — but I don’t understand how you can be fine with one and not the other.  

Dusty writes:

“With YouTube TV joining Sling Box, PlayStation Vue, and DIRECTV Now in providing quasi-cable (but not cable) subscriptions to streaming consumers, the critical issue of sports coverage and its accessibility to streamers ( whether using those mini-cable subscriptions mentioned above or the fire sticks, apple tv’s, and roku’s of the world) will only escalate.

I ditched my family’s DIRECTV subscription two weeks ago in favor of Apple TV and it’s been great…but it’s not football season. How long before the major sports leagues provide direct-to-consumer programming? We’ve seen the NFL play with the idea (twitter broadcasting select TNF) but when will I be able to download the NFL app, purchase Sunday ticket, or red zone (or better yet, some combination of red zone and a specific team’s games) and get the fix I need in the fall/winter?

Every time you update your article on ESPN’s money issues, I keep wondering why sports leagues don’t get more aggressive in pursuing cord cutters…we can all agree it’s a matter of time, but am I stuck waiting for sports broadcasting rights/deals to expire or will I get to see live streaming sports the way I want it sooner? The NFL wants to make money off these consumers, so why not give us what we want . I will gladly make a check out to NFL directly so I can continue watching my Cowboys blow it in the divisional round…I’ll be tweaking harder than a meth head in heat when August rolls around and I’m stuck with some shitty option like NFL game pass and their b.s. stipulation that you have to wait until live games end before you have access to said game.

It’s a fascinating question, could the NFL, for instance, go entirely over-the-top at any point in the near future?”

I think the answer is no.

Now let me explain why.

Right now the NFL makes $7 billion a year off TV rights. If you want the breakdown of the NFL’s TV money you can go here and read all about it on Outkick.

So how much would the NFL have to charge to make back that $7 billion it makes now from TV networks from fans instead? Let’s say the NFL was going to charge the same amount as the NFL Sunday Ticket, roughly $250 a year, and for that $250 a year you’d get every NFL game. So how many households would have to pay that to equal the same amount of money the NFL makes now?

28 million households. (Sports bars would also pay for it and they’d have to pay much more, so let’s say that would knock the number of households down to 20 million).

Right now there are around two million NFL Sunday Ticket subscribers. Now that’s offered exclusively by DirecTV, but only 10%, two million of DirecTV’s 20 million subscribers, pay for the NFL Sunday Ticket. So that means the NFL would have to find at least 18 million more subscribers just to equal the money they make now. 

Sure, you could double or triple the cost, but you’d still need 14 million or 7 million households to pay $500 a year or $750 a year for the NFL. 

Put simply, I don’t believe the market is there to get people to pay for the NFL.

The WWE is the best test case out there. The WWE has an over-the-top network and has around 1.4 million subscribers paying $9.99 a month. I think y’all would agree that the WWE has a rabid fan base. 

If only 1.4 million people are paying for the WWE, why do you think infinitely more people would pay for the NFL? And if the NFL, the most popular sport in America, can’t replicate what it’s making off television, there’s no way any other league could. 

That’s why I think the concept of leagues going over-the-top isn’t as easy, or likely, as many would have you believe. 

Furthermore, putting the NFL games entirely behind a pay wall would be disastrous for the NFL’s brand awareness. Right now you can watch your local NFL team for “free,” plus multiple national games a week. That brand value is massive. In addition to getting $7 billion from its TV partners, the NFL gets all the promotional value that ESPN, NBC, Fox, and CBS provide for their brands. It’s hard to quantify what this is worth, but it has to be worth hundreds of millions in exposure a year.

Plus, it keeps the audience for the games growing because it continues to expose younger generations to the NFL. 

So I don’t see the NFL going over the top anytime soon.  

Phil writes:

“I saw where Trump ate at his D.C. restaurant over the weekend. Apparently, he ordered a “well-done” steak and ate it with ketchup. In your opinion, is that an impeachable offense? What kind of message does that send to our country and the rest of the world? If the democrats are looking for an issue they can win on, this has to be it.”

This is the first thing that Donald Trump has done that I consider to be an impeachable offense. 

If you’re reading this right now and you order your steak well done, you sicken me. Never order a steak again. You might as well saw off the rubber on your shoe’s sole and eat that instead.

Having said that, how much did Trump dunk on the Democrats on Tuesday night? It was incredible. The Democrats filed out of the House of Representatives chamber faster than Georgia fans on the night they blacked out the stadium for the Alabama game in 2008. It was a total rout.

The Democrats came to witness a public hanging and instead Trump hung them. Then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, the stock market went up 350 points the morning after his speech.

I’m surprised Bernie Sanders and Nancy Pelosi could even get out of bed on Wednesday morning.  

Jason writes:

“I just recently went to the dentist for a typical cleaning and the hygienist was a solid 8, but when I sat down in the chair and she started going to work on my mouth with all of those crazy tools she immediately went from hot Melisandre, to old saggy boobs Melisandre. My question is, what other jobs can an attractive woman have that actually make them less attractive?”

There’s a strong argument to be made that dental hygenists are the hottest profession in America that has nothing to do with being attractive. (That’s excluding jobs like actresses, Pilates instructors, drug reps, all of these jobs are directly connected to looks.) Think about it, when was the last time you saw a truly unattractive dental hygenist?

I’ve never seen one in my entire life. 

And in theory your dental hygenist doesn’t have to be hot, right? Also, have you ever had a male hygenist? I’ve never seen one either. 

But back to your question: stripper and escort are the two that immediately come to mind. 

If you saw the average 25 year old stripper or escort out at a bar and she said she taught elementary school, she’d be pretty hot, right? But the moment you found out she was a stripper or an escort, you’d lower her attractiveness substantially. She’d still be hot, but she’d be trashy hot, like a 34 year old bartender at Coyote Ugly.  

Now I happen to like strippers and while I don’t know any escorts, honest, I actually appreciate the fact that they’re not hiding what they’re selling. I believe in markets and sex is just another market.

I’ve said this on the radio for the past several months because I’m trying to get a movement started, but I believe prostitution is a much more honest profession than working in vice as a police officer.

Think about the morality here, which is more honest?

The girl who will have sex with you for money or the girl who pretends she will have sex with you for money just to arrest you for trying to have sex with her for money?

I mean, are you kidding me? This is no contest, the prostitute has the more honorable profession here.

Think about this too, there are people who go to college, graduate, and their profession is they dress up like prostitutes and go sit at hotel bars to bust dudes trying to pay for sex. 

That’s a real job!

AND OUR TAX DOLLARS PAY WOMEN TO WORK AS FAKE PROSTITUTES.

It’s mind boggling to me.  

Having said that, as a general rule, I think women get hotter based on their professions as opposed to getting less hot based on their professions. By which I mean, if a woman’s an attorney, a doctor, a professor, an accountant or an architect and they’re also hot, I award hot bonus points for your job.

Same thing if you went to grad school or were smart enough to get into a really good school.  

But if a girl’s hot and works at, say, Cracker Barrel, I deduct points.

Women do this even more than men do. In fact, there are tons of women reading the mailbag right now who married a guy they would have never married if he didn’t have the job he does.

Put it this way, how many rich guys do you see with ugly women? That ain’t a coincidence.

Thanks for reading the mailbag and thanks for all of you who came out for our talk at UTK. 

Hope y’all have great weekends. 

#dbap

Written by Clay Travis

OutKick founder, host and author. He's presently banned from appearing on both CNN and ESPN because he’s too honest for both.

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