A Half-Hearted Column About A Half-Hearted Football Game

Pro Bowl Sunday.

Many NFL stars.

Lotta laughs but little tackling. Little trying. Nobody cared. I don’t care, either.

They not try play real football. I not try write real column. Screw it!

Everybody great.

Micah Parsons tackled somebody. Bad Micah.

Maxx Crosby 3 batted passes. Bing Crosby still bigger name in Vegas.

Weird rules. Don’t know what they were, something about fourth-and-15. Yuck.

There was a flea-flicker where someone flipped to somebody. ESPN analyst Brian Griese was busy talking about Tom Brady and himself at the time. Nobody mentioned or analyzed the play because no care.

Brady missed 13 consecutive Pro Bowls. Genius!

Mac Jones (will never be Tom Brady) threw TD pass second half. Also fumbled. Also Griddy in fourth quarter!

Not real, Patriots fans. Sorry.

Stefan Diggs played offense and defense. Trevon Diggs played offense and defense. Yeah, nobody really played defense.

Quote here if this was try-hard column. I didn’t bother gather the quote because not trying.

Why am I doing this? Why these guys playing this game?

Why people paying to attend?

Why anyone watching if not getting paid to do so?

Worst all-star game of all major sports. No question.

T.J. Watt tackle for loss on double reverse.

Cameron Jordan great football player. Jordan gonna be great television personality after career.

AFC punter A.J. Cole did not punt. Informed nation ate two hot dogs at halftime during sideline interview. Maybe most entertaining moment of entire three hours.

Wait, NFL kept statistics of this game?

All six QBs threw picks. Brady more of a genius.

$80 grand for winners and $40 grand for losers. No reported injuries so everybody wins.

Except fools who paid to attend game.

Real NBA game followed fake NFL game. Pro Bowl still higher ratings, book it.

Next stop: Super Bowl week.

Follow on Twitter: @ArmandoSalguero

Written by Armando Salguero

7 Comments

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  1. The Pro Bowl needs to sign up either Poulan Weedeater or Duke’s Mayonnaise as its annual sponsor. THAT would do it. How compelling would it be to see Bill Belichek getting a Mayonnaise Bath …MUST SEE TV for sure!
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    The one sure way to get rid of The Pro Bowl = BLM orders Roger to CXL it. It Be Gone – POOF!
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  2. This article was amazing. I put the game on the radio while having a fire and within 3 mins the football announcer said something like “Well there isn’t much tackling or playing actual football but it doesn’t matter; this game isn’t really about this game at all, they are just trying to have fun and celebrate this past season.” So he is literally saying that all those fans that came to watch “the best of the best” play football didn’t actually matter. Screw the fans and what they want because were just gonna play 2 hand touch for an hour while we rake in these advertising dollars. That is 10000% how I took the announcers statement which reminds me why I never watch the pro bowl.

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