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Whitney Bugg Checks In From Texas, Finau Pours A Drink For Paulina & Lions Fans Suffer An All-Timer

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That’s about how I would dial up a dream weekend, minus the Browns winning

Let me draw up dreams that run through my head around 3:30 a.m. after I get to bed after falling asleep on the couch while watching SportsCenter at midnight.

It goes something like this:

  1. My Bengals roll into Heinz Field for a Week 3 showdown with the hated Steelers and their hated quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. The Bengals defense plays incredibly nasty, but not over the line to where they’re taking bozo personal foul penalties and losing their cool.
  2. The Bengals defense tackles well in space.
  3. The Bengals rookie wide receiver has two touchdown catches, doesn’t get concussed and averages 16.2 per catch
  4. Quarterback Joe Burrow survives without a blown-out ACL
  5. The Bengals flatten Ben Roethlisberger with constant pressure
  6. The Bengals play ‘prevent a win’ defense, but in my dreams it doesn’t come back to haunt them
  7. The Steelers gain 45 rushing yards!!!!!
  8. The Steelers give up four sacks, the Bengals offensive line doesn’t give up a single sack
  9. The Bengals don’t commit a penalty to cost them the game
  10. And in my dreams, the Bengals go into Heinz Field and win by double-digits for the first time ever (the big ketchup bottle opened in 2001)

Then it all came true Sunday as I sat there mesmerized by what I was watching. It was all such a dream come true. The Steelers offensive line is finally trash. Big Ben is a huge liability who has zero time to throw and has the mobility of a tree…see below.

And I finally saw a Bengals team that doesn’t resemble anything like what Marvin Lewis put on the field on the defensive side of the ball. It’s simply shocking to see this team play disciplined against the Steelers.

Needless to say, Sunday was an incredibly pleasing day to be a Bengals fan.

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• Now, contrast that feeling with what the Lions fans had to endure after Justin Tucker’s 66-yard field goal hit the crossbar and was good. Imagine that drive down I-96 and the number of F-bombs coming out of blue-collar Jeff’s mouth. Or the pain coming out of Chuck’s pores as he drove north on I-75 thinking about how he just wants to go hide at his Up North® hunting cabin.

From a content standpoint, Lions fans are better when they’re not experiencing success, but they didn’t deserve what happened Sunday. That’s over the top from the football gods.

• Oh, and then Lions fans had to watch Matthew Stafford have a four-touchdown performance against the Bucs.

OUCH!

• The report last week was that Al Michaels will be going to Amazon to become the official voice of that company’s future endeavors with Thursday Night Football. Then, last night, I see rumblings from blue checkmarks that Cris Collinsworth, 62, isn’t getting the job done. I wouldn’t be shocked if NBC executives are dropping hints to the blue checkmarks that it’s time for Mike Tirico and Drew Brees to assume the Sunday Night Football duties. Typically when the blue checkmarks are circling, that means someone is starting to drop nuggets on the media news guys.

That said, it’s not a secret that NBC has bigger things planned for Brees. They didn’t hire the guy to call Notre Dame games and work in a studio.

• It’s not time to panic in Kansas City, but you have to start thinking that the Chiefs officially have their hands full with a division featuring 3-0 Vegas and 3-0 Denver, plus the Chargers with the one-game advantage on KC. The Chiefs are tied with the Lions for most points allowed (95) this season. It’s clearly not a good thing to be tied with the Lions on any NFL stat.

• And then Clemson was No. 25! I addressed this in Sunday’s Screencaps — Clemson’s offense, if you haven’t been paying attention, is flat out atrocious. Unless Dabo makes some sort of change, that might not be a New Year’s Day bowl team. The ACC is officially out of the College Football Playoff (no way one of these typical middle-of-the-pack schools runs the table) and the SEC can start to think about a third team in the mix. Florida-Alabama rematch?

• The other thing I noticed was how much credit AP voters gave Michigan for its win over Rutgers. The Wolverines moved from No. 19 to No. 14. Again, I’m not sure AP voters watched the Wolverines on offense in the second half, but this will all work itself out in the end. It’s just humorous to see voters move a team up five spots after it gains 47 yards on 22 plays in the second half and had four straight three and outs.

• Dana B. writes:

Joe, This hamstring injury epidemic is driving us crazy. These are PROFESSIONAL athletes that can’t seem to do the one very basic thing most athletes need to do…RUN. Almost every game Sunday had WR go down with hammie issues. Some teams lost more than 1 player. Then, there’s Baseball. Oh my gosh, every other time a player hustles to beat out a ground ball, or tries to stretch that single into a double…Hammie blowout!! Seriously, what gives? Our general theory is over-training, especially in the weight room. You think Dick Butkus, Gale Sayers, Jerry Rice, heck, even O.J., pulled hammies?  Ty Cobb, Cal Ripken, Rickey Henderson? They just kept playing. I admit, we notice it more than ever because we follow so many teams and players because of fantasy.

But, WOW this problem is real, and rears it’s ugly head constantly now. Thoughts?
This is more of Pro Football Doc’s territory, but as someone who once had his hamstring partially tear while running a 40-yard dash at a Pizza Hut All-American event as part of a media day in Omaha at the College World Series, I’ll say that I’m starting to think these guys are in too good of shape. Do you ever hear about a FedEx delivery guy blowing out a hamstring running from his truck to a porch? Does Christmas helper UPS guy miss 4-6 weeks with hamstring tightness?
That’s something to think about today while at work.
• The weather gods dialed up 80 & sunny today to go along with Eagles-Cowboys on Monday Night Football with the Mannings. Let’s go out there and have a strong start to the workweek and get home to enjoy more pigskin. I’ll be here all day dreaming of the Bengals making it two in a row at home Thursday against the Jags.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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