Tradition is the lifeblood of college football. Some traditions are stupid — grown Georgia fans barking like dogs, for instance — but we honor them anyway. Because if people do stupid things long enough, they become inviolate “traditions” that can’t be messed with. There’s only thing worse than stupid traditions, and that’s when traditions that actually make sense end up being cast aside in favor of newer, dumber “traditions.” Such is the case in college football this week.
First, someone designed the ungodly Iowa-Iowa State Cy-Hawk trophy to be presented to the winners of the Cy-Hawk game. This game has been played since 1894. Which is convenient since the trophy has been mocked and ridiculed by everyone who has been born since 1894. Somewhere, somehow an artist decided that the trophy should commemorate an Iowa family gathering around a bushel of corn. Because God knows people don’t already think of Iowa and corn. Seriously, has one state been more closely associated with a boring product for longer.
We get it, you live in Iowa, there’s corn there.
Meanwhile, Georgia has new Nike Combat Pro uniforms. Leaving aside the stupidity of the name — Combat Pro, really? — the Bulldogs will wear these uniforms onto the field to play Boise State in the Georgia Dome. The Bulldogs, who are three point underdogs in the game, evidently feel compelled to put an uglier uniform on the field than Boise State. If that’s the goal they’ve exceeded all expectations and outkicked their coverage, because these uniforms are atrocious.
Maybe I’m getting old and maybe it’s the traditionalist in me, but when did grown men become so obsessed with new uniforms? Why does any uniform have to change? Log on to any message board in the country and there’s a better than 50/50 chace a thread will be on the front page. Inside that thread a group of anonymous middle-aged men will be discussing uniforms. Color schemes, pant dynamics, lines on helmets, is the true color correct, how it looks at night, how it looks in the sunlight, matching colors, get a uniform discussion going with a certain man and it’s like women talking about the senior prom.
Because at least women go to the senior prom.
These are the same men, mind you, who haven’t bought a single article of clothing by themselves since an ill-fated trip into the Husky jeans section in 1956.
Let me make this as clear for you as I possibly can — if you’re a grown man and you debate uniform fashion, you’re incredibly bi-curious.
You might as well take to wearing capri pants while eating gelato and riding on a unicycle.
Can’t we all just agree to keep uniforms the same to avoid travesties like this?
How bad is it? I’m not even sure A.J. Green could sell this jersey.
Just because one of Herschel Walker’s personalities likes it, doesn’t mean the entire fan base is going to support the unveiling of absurd uniforms. Somewhere the latest several UGa’s are rolling over in their untimely graves. And the jerseys are the best part.
Look at these helmets
You know what I think of when I think of Georgia football? (Okay, I think of the 3-18 record in the Cocktail Party.) But what do I think of after the futility of the cocktail party? I think of Herschel Walker. And if this uniform was good enough for Herschel Walker, I think it’s good enough for Caleb King — okay, whoever the next Herschel is supposed to be this year.
All I’m asking for is this — two uniforms, one home, one away. To stay the same. Forever. Is that asking too much? Am I the only person who thinks like this today?
Newsflash, the only reason new jerseys exist is to get you to spend more money. It’s a huge shell game. Leave that crap to the NFL.
Anyway, back to this Iowa-Iowa State trophy, good Lord.
I can’t tell which is worse.
Caption: “Sorry, son, Nebraska turned you down, you have to stay in Iowa.”
It’s actually not a bad sculpture. I mean, if the NFL had hired this guy to do Deion’s sculpture, it would be a happier world.
This is why I’m calling for something radical — a reasonable fan. We elect him every year and he sits as the steward of college athletics. We can’t get a commissioner, but we can get a decent eye to review decisions. Would the reasonable fan have thought these Georgia helmets were a good idea? No way.
Would a reasonable fan have seen this sculpture and thought — “Wow, Iowa football fans are going to love this!”
Of course not.
We need him or her. And we need them badly.
In the meantime, which is worse, the Georgia football uniforms or the trophy?
I’m going uniforms. Make your call below.