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Late last night news broke that Korean dictator and ruler Kim Jong-Il had died at 69 years old. If you’re anything like me — and lots of y’all are — you immediately thought of Kim Jong-Il’s amazing round of golf. The North Korean news agency reported that Kim Jong-Il shot a 38, that’s 34 below par, including an amazing 11 holes-in-one. In case you’re wondering, the PGA Tour record is a 59. And if you think that the dear leader wasn’t capable of besting the best golfers in the world by 21 strokes, well, you’re a damn fool.
See, in totalitarian regimes people come to accept fundamental untruths because they’ve lost the ability to think for themselves.
Which brings us to Alabama’s “13” national titles.
I got to wondering, which is more legitimate, Kim Jong-Il’s 11 holes in one or Alabama’s 13 national titles?
This shirt immediately became valueless early in 2009.
OKTC buddy Dan Wetzel broke down Kim Jong-Il’s memorable golf round here.
So, yeah, it’s impossible.
(FYI, Golf Digest calculated that the odds of getting a single hole in one on a round of 18 is 12,000 to 1. I can’t even do the math to figure out what the odds on 11 holes in one would be. Someone help me in the comments.)
Much like Alabama’s claim to 13 national titles, 11 holes in one is impossible.
(If Alabama beats LSU there will be video of fans storming in to apparel stores to buy “Got 14” t-shirts. Sadly, I’m not even making this up).
But how many people will blindly acquiesce to Alabama’s claimed 13 titles?
Most of the nation.
Which is a shame because many of the Bama titles are completely illegitimate.
Indeed, the NCAA recognizes eight titles for the Crimson Tide. The SEC agrees with that number.
So where do the extra five titles come from? The ones that make Bama fans walk around in those stupid “Got 13” t-shirts?
They’re made up.
In 1983 Alabama’s sports information director simply added five unrecognized national titles to the media guide.
Seriously, he did that.
That year five addtional titles appeared out of thin air, all from pre-1941.
And now Alabama fans believe these titles are all legit. Even though these titles aren’t recognized by the SEC or the NCAA.
My favorite is the claimed title from 1941 when Alabama finished third in the SEC with losses to Mississippi State and Vanderbilt. (The sports information director, and I’m not making this up, cited the loss to Mississippi State as coming in the rain and the loss to Vandy as “close.”)
The Crimson Tide finished 20th in the nation that year.
My favorite part of the article is that no one even asks about the added titles. Proving that if you make something up that people want to hear, it can become fact.
So I’m claiming five national titles for Outkick the Coverage.
Got five, ESPN.com?
Don’t think so.
Got five, CBSSports.com?
In Yahoo’s dreams.
Rest in peace — okay not really — Kim Jong-Il, your holes in one are like Bama’s 13 titles — mythical accomplishments accepted by fools.