When Is The Right Time To Poison Your Boyfriend Who Just Inherited $30M?
Ladies, let's pump the brakes on (allegedly) poisoning your boyfriends who just inherited $30 million until he at least has a chance to blow some of it at a strip club & on a Vegas bender.
This story out of North Dakota (shoutout to all the Morning Screencaps -- America's Best Daily Morning Colum, *as named by the readers -- readers from Crosby, ND) is absolutely disgusting, if true. According to police, Ina Thea Kenoyer, 47, poisoned her boyfriend, Steven Edward Riley Jr., just hours after he'd inherited a cool $30 million.
What's the motive?
Police believe Kenoyer pulled off the poisoning (antifreeze) after learning Riley was going to dump her and run off with his inheritance. She claimed to investigators that they were in a common-law relationship and she planned to be getting her hands on some of that cash. The problem: She didn't Google North Dakota law.
Based on the investigation, police say Riley showed signs of sickness on September 3 when he met with his lawyer to collect the $30 million. Riley goes home, Kenoyer is there, the night passes and the soon-to-be history girlfriend finally calls 911. Paramedics find Riley is unresponsive. He's dead the following day.
Done. No trips to Vegas. No strip club benders.
No trips around the world to blow through at least a million of that stash before dying. The guy is out cold literally hours after he goes to collect that inheritance.
Now Kenoyer faces a murder charge and is being held without bail.
Ladies, we need to have a talk
Let's cut to the chase here: Ina Thea Kenoyer looks dumber than a box of rocks and (allegedly) she turned out to be as dumb as she looks.
STOP POISONING THE GUYS UNTIL YOU'RE POSITIVE YOU'VE BEEN CUT OUT OF THE MONEY.
HOLY S--T STOP RUSHING TO JUDGMENT HERE.
Ok, so Steve was going to dump you for some Instagram model. At least give it 3-4 weeks to see if Steve really means it. Ride it out!
Ladies, I need you to do an assessment: Is this better than spending the rest of my life in jail?
Maybe Steve's Instagram slam piece from the University of North Dakota is busy one weekend and Steve wants to catch the UFC fights in Vegas. You're not busy because you're a broke loser and Steve knows it. Maybe he calls and says he needs a girlfriend for the weekend.
BOOM, you jump on it.
Steve gets LOADED at Bellagio where he's rented a romantic suite -- for the UND slam piece, but she's busy. You reap the rewards when the slam piece isn't available. Steve's fall down drunk at the craps table and this is your chance to clean up.
This is when you complain about drink service and tell Steve you need a banana chip to go get a couple of top-shelf vodka Red Bulls. Steve's so drunk that he doesn't care. What's $1k when you're worth $30 million?
You walk 10 feet away from Steve, come right back, and say the lines are long, you'll go back in a bit.
Steve's ROCKED and already forgot about the banana chip.
You're officially up $1k.
The beverage girl comes around, brings more booze and the party keeps cranking.
Ina's problem is that she wasn't thinking like a Vegas hooker at 3 a.m. working the big center hooker bar at MGM (if it's still there). She got caught up in the moment instead of playing the long game and now, based on what I'm reading, she's going to be spending life in prison and Steve's money will get tied up in some legal battle and lawyers will end up with a ton of it.
What a tragic story.
It's like that story of the Utah woman who allegedly served up a deadly Moscow Mule to her wealthy husband to get her hands on his insurance policy. Plot twist: The husband had changed the beneficiary on his policy and it wasn't his wife!
Ladies, the conclusion to all of this is that you need to get better at the game. Let's pump the brakes on poisoning hours after he inherits a huge pile of f-you money. There's a good chance some of that money is going to trickle your way.
Let's pump the brakes on (allegedly) spiking Moscow Mules for insurance cash. This is what courts are for where you can hire a great lawyer to suck him dry for 18 years -- plus a chunk of his retirement and his cherished UTV that he'll just give you to get away from your ass.
Ina's (alleged) big mistake here is that she didn't resort to charm.
"Steve, I understand you want to go bang UND Instagram models and I want what's best for you. We've had some great years together. All I'm asking is for a little something to get back on my feet now that we're separating. And do not hesitate to call if the UND slam pieces are busy with school and can't fly to Vegas for UFC fights.
"I'll be there at a moment's notice."
Ladies, play on the emotions. Use your charm. Use some smarts.
It sure beats spending the rest of your life in prison.