Veronika Rajek Appears Ready For The Masters, John Daly Celebrates Masters Week With The Hooters Girls, Plus Scottie's Sliders
Screencaps reader Anonymous checks in with a report from his new job...at The Masters
• Anonymous, who signed up to work The Masters to actually get inside the gates to see the place because he kept being passed over in the ticket lottery, writes:
Finally getting to read Screencaps this evening since I was on the course working all day and off the grid with no cell phones allowed. The other anonymous who has a job referred to this morning must be a volunteer as they are more well connected.
The distinction between a volunteer here at Augusta and an employee as I understand it is that employees get paid but volunteers get to play the course at some point in return for their service. So naturally, there is waiting list for volunteers. A list whose existence the ANGC doesn't acknowledge. I'm just a cog in the ANGC industrial complex. But it takes thousands of cogs to grease the wheels of this well-oiled machine. As you would expect, it's a massive undertaking and the people here at Augusta know what they are doing and do it extremely well.
The course as always is in great shape. Something that every TNML member should aspire to. There is not one weed ANYWHERE. No dandelions, crabgrass, chickweed, nothing. Whether it's the tee box, the fairway, the greens of course but even the areas where patrons sit or stand. The 13th tee box that was reconstructed and lengthened already has shrubs in place and azaleas in bloom like it's been there since the first Masters in 1934.
Your fellow employees and especially the patrons have all been incredibly nice. Everyone is so happy to be there they can't help but be pleasant. Disney is wrong, this is the happiest place on earth. Most of the patrons I have met are there for the first time. Wearing employee green with a credentials badge draws a lot of questions like where is the nearest bathroom? How do I get to the South Gate merchandise shop? What time do they stop selling beer (btw its 5pm)? Which direction is Amen Corner? And on and on it goes. It feels strange for someone whose first time on the grounds was just this past Saturday.
Apparently one of the hot merchandise items are the "Masters gnomes". (see picture)
They have been around for maybe 5-6 years now. The unicorn of gnomes is the Covid year gnome when the Masters was played in November. The gnome that year was dressed as some sort of Masters Santa. Those are rare. This years version is dressed as a patron with a chair bag slung over his shoulder and a sleeve of cups in his hand.
They go quickly first thing in the morning. The Masters has systems in place where items get allotted for each day. Just because they run out of something today doesn't mean they won't have it tomorrow. I never knew these things existed until Saturday and I bought one first thing Monday morning on a whim thinking my son or son-in-law might want it. Walking back to my shuttle pickup after work Monday I had half a dozen people ask me where I got it and would I sell it to them.
The Masters cups for beverages are also popular momentoes for patrons (hence the sleeve of cups the gnome holds). They are clear and of course green. The Masters has its own beer crafted for them for the tournament. It's a wheat ale similar to a Blue Moon and it's called the Crows Nest. Miller Lite is the domestic sold and Stella Artois is the import. NO BUD LIGHT!!!!! Some patrons are aware with what AB is doing and are not happy. Other patrons don't know what's going on with the AB campaign.
Getting to watch much golf so far has been hard but that mostly has to do with it being the practice rounds. Players may hit multiple shots into a green and then putt as many times as they want in directions they know where the pins will be during tournament play to check how the grain is doing. Tiger, Rory and Freddie played the back nine Monday and they took so long on 13 green that's all I got to see of them before I had to go back to work.
Keep up the good work and keep the SC community sane. If the other anonymous can't come through with tickets, come work and pour beer with me. It's hard but I guarantee you'd have fun.
Ann Arbor 'No Mow May'
Tuesday, I received multiple heads-up messages from readers who saw the news on Ann Arbor's latest day of saving the bees by not mowing your lawn.
• Harvey D. writes:
It's the State up North, WTF would you expect. SMH! Good luck getting that manageable with an Energizer powered mower.
Does this mean 4/20 Opening Day is verboten in Ann Arbor? What peril does this mean for TNML in MI? Will the veterans come thru with a workhorse performance on opening day? I guess we will have the truth revealed from the box scores on 4/21!!
This could be epic drama!! I can't wait!!
Kinsey:
If you guys think this is just an Ann Arbor thing, I received an email from Harold G. in Skokie, Illinois. Let's see what Skokie is telling residents.
• Harold G. writes:
My local government, the Village of Skokie, Illinois, is calling on residents to delay a first mow of the spring season until AFTER MOTHER'S DAY (that's May 14). Here's the link to the document: https://www.skokie.org/DocumentCenter/View/8690/No-Mow-May.
While I may not make TNML opening day on April 20, you can bet that I won't be waiting until mid-May for a first mow either. SMH.
Kinsey:
I read the Skokie letter "encouraging" people to think of the bees and found this interesting at the bottom of the page: "Skokie’s current ordinance allows for lawns up to 6” in height (2023); the
ordinance is under review to encourage sustainable landscaping."
They're coming.
I want to hear about what the pols are up to in your city.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Trust me, it will not be long until the wokes introduce ordinances where they ban mowing altogether in May. Right now they're "encouraging" homeowners to let lawns grow. You know the next step.
I wonder if Skokie politicians pushing this stuff have the nuts to "encourage" the big businesses in town to stop mowing their properties or if this is just a residential thing. Ever notice how this is always about local Karen politicians telling fellow residents how to operate the property they own?
Interesting, right?
Wait until the vegans read this news
When the water tank has a leak
• Millennial JT in Ohio writes:
Hi Joe, I'm still lurking in the corners of Screencaps Nation and grateful for the sanity offered daily on your page.
I just have a quick hit from the world of Millennial homeowners. I came home tonight to news of water leaking pretty seriously downstairs by the pressure tank. Obviously, I'm not going to call a plumber so I have a look and run to Lowes for some fittings.
An hour later I've achieved what you see in picture one and I (surprise) don't have the fittings I need to put it back together. So I have time to hit the local farm store just before closing and I get what I need. I come back and put things together only to realize that I'm an elbow fitting short. It's 9:15 and I have just enough time to get to Lowes one more time before their absurdly late 10pm closing time.
I step outside and hear my neighbor running his air compressor outside and a realization thunders across my consciousness. MY NEIGHBOR IS A FRACKING PLUMBER! I call him and sheepishly ask for the part I need and have the water turned back on in no time. I think this story illustrates a strength and weakness of my generation in general.
We generally try to figure things out on our own thanks to growing up in a world of free information. On the other hand, we're so disconnected from people I didn't even think to my neighbor the plumber for help with my plumbing problem.
"Without water and electricity, our houses are just boxes" -Clyde Lewis
'What I accomplished in March'
• Sean C. in Granger, IN writes:
As a fellow Midwesterner, I know you can appreciate this. I’ve lived most of my life in the Upper Midwest, I've always told people, it's not January and February that bother me (I expect the weather to be bad), it's March and April. We never start spring on time, but by March, we're hoping for some sunny days and temps out of the 30's. That was few and far between this year. We didn’t get a lot of a snow, but we didn’t see the sun for weeks at a time.
But it's April now. We can start to THINK about turning the corner. I actually have a tee time for Saturday. I spent a good part of this past Sunday outside doing some yard cleanup in preparation for the Opening Day of the TNML. Part of it was picking up land mines in the backyard. I did do a poop run a month or so ago on a random nice weekend day, but I didn't feel like there were as many piles as I expected. I wonder how much actually gets absorbed into the yard. But it's nice to start thinking that soon, maybe in the next week or so, we'll have consistent days where we can be outside without freezing our asses off.
But let's talk about something good in the month of March. Aside from the horrible weather here in Northern Indiana, the month started off great, as it's my annual trip to Lakeland, FL. Why Lakeland you ask? Because it's where the Detroit Tigers have their spring training home, and apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. I feel like the Tigers and your Reds are in the same (sinking) boat.
Trade stars for prospects, just to see some of those prospects pan out, only to have them get traded for the next round of prospects. But, as we had to adjust over the past few years, the trip is more about just watching baseball. It's about a group of guys getting together at least once a year to enjoy the sun, some baseball, golf, and lots of Busch Light.
The group has grown over the years, and includes people from 6 different states. While much has changed over the years, one thing hasn't……we end every night at the Lakeland North Hooters. So no matter how late spring is here, I always have that trip to look forward to every March, and a way to break up the winter a little bit.
But here we are, the TNML opening day is a mere 2 weeks away. When I was outside this past weekend, there were certainly signs of growth. The grass is looking greener, and there are patches that seem to be growing just a little bit. There are buds forming on the trees.
We are getting close. I'm sure I might be able to get a little spring training mow in myself. Not sure what night it will be due to the inconsistency of our weather, but it will be All Systems Go for Thursday, April 20th. And just so you know, the fever is growing. I was talking to a co-worker (Other Sean) the other day and noticed this on his calendar. He's ready.
I loved this email from John E. in Boardman, OH
Poop in a box
• Kevin in Gibsonia, PA responds to Harvey D.'s Poop in a Box trick he played on his UPS driver:
Can you imagine being the guy who got a college degree to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week opening up boxes of poop? Who could possibly want that job?
Kinsey:
That job must pay extremely well. Do we have any readers who analyze poop for a living? How's the job going?
Woke Beer Companies
• Kevin from Toboso (I think he's in Ohio and not the Phillippines) writes:
Are you freaking kidding me?? Is nothing sacred anymore? Never cared for Bud Light anyway but they had funny commercials and were an everyman's beer. I have often enjoyed an ice-cold bottle of regular Budweiser but no more.
We have to start making them pay! Should their be an official TNML ban on all A-Busch products? Summer long? Just saying. Screencaps has some crazy red-blooded Americans who do hard things and do them the right way.
Kinsey:
I don't think it's even necessary to call for an official boycott of A-B for TNML. You'll see self-policing from the community. Just wait.
Trust me, I've had to do a ton of beer-consumption self-reflection this week (full disclosure: the last beer I consumed was Blue Moon) and now I'm considering myself a value brand beer free agent for the first time in a long time.
The storms are rolling through today, fellas. It's going to be a rocky ride for a few million of us today. Good luck to everyone as this system hits your town and hopefully leaves behind the beautiful weather we're being promised on the back end.
Go give 110%!
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com