Stella Artois Shot At US Open Inspires OutKick’s Top 5 Beer Ranking

Okay, I’d be overstating things if I considered this the holistic ranking of OutKick’s favorite beers.

However, after knocking back three cans on an empty stomach to celebrate my pops — Happy Father’s Day to all the dads — and watching the US Open feature a 12-pack of Stella Artois, it’s time to give a definitive ranking of the top five beers to enjoy on this special holiday. Or any occasion that calls for beer.

Disclaimer: If you find my palette to be misguided, or just plain wrong, I’ll have to report you to Twitter HQ — like a true journalist.

But please, do include your favorite picks in the comments, or tell us what we got right.

5. Michelob Ultra

Let’s get the most controversial one out of the way.

Ultra’s status as the king of diet beers has kept dad bods trim around the nation since 2002.

A 2020 Beer of the Year, Michelob Ultra kept Americans battling cabin fever quenched and in shape as the virus continued to pose a threat to less healthy Americans. Per the science, of course.

The most guilt-free beer on the market, Michelob Ultra is a dependable pick with a weighty taste that could easily convince you it’s a full-calorie beer.

One bottle contains 2.6g total carbs, 2.6g net carbs, 0g fat, 1g protein and 90 calories, so switching to Ultra is the closest most dads will get to going vegetarian.

4. Pabst Blue Ribbon

It’s like holding a can of Red, White and Blue.

It’s the perfect beer for camping or loading up the fridge for a month’s worth of supply. With its affordable price and average taste, Pabst Blue Ribbon has helped keep college students on a budget off the streets.

A fairly bipartisan pick at any gathering, PBR is the beer you pick when you’re ready to have a good time with everyone.

3. Ballast Point Brewing Company Sculpin

Though the IPA taste remains as controversial as Georgia voting laws, the right pick in the realm of pale ales is always a bottle of Sculpin.

It offers enough bitterness to put hair on your chest and a sensational taste of peach and mango that pairs extremely well with the greasiest of foods. That combo makes Sculpin the most unique IPA on the market.

2. Sam Adams Boston Lager

Sam Adams may be the best beer that doesn’t depend on food for exceptional taste.

Clean, caramelized and a perfect balance of malt, it’s a heavenly pick to wash down lunch or just enjoy on its own after a hard day’s work.

A friend once told me Guinness was a better pick than Sam Adams, which is silly. The former tastes like liquified devil’s food cake without proper refrigeration. Take the Sam Adams every single time.

  1. Stella Artois

Belgium got two things right: chocolate and beer.

As the secondary star of the US Open, next to Jon Rahm’s spectacular performance after his ridiculous stint with COVID, the consensus pick is still Stella Artois.

It’s highbrow enough to include on a wedding menu, but relaxed enough to enjoy during any sporting event, making the premier pilsner the most reliable pick.

Because of its above average pricing, Stella can also show you who your real friends when the tab comes.

Written by Alejandro Avila

8 Comments

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  1. I can tell you don’t actually like beer. Ultra was one of the beers that convinced me shaving off .75g of carbs from a Coors Light was not worth the shit that it tasted like.

    If you don’t have an Irish beer up here, you are doing Georgia frat things, not providing analysis. TFM.

  2. Personally I’ve always been a Budweiser guy. There’s a reason it’s called the king of beers. To each their own, but Mic ultra doesn’t belong anywhere at all on any list of top beers.

  3. Stella is good, but no Heineken? After I read Mic Ultra I was done with your list though. There are so many local brewery IPA’s out there this is a hard list to make and will be broken down regionally. Not to mention the thousands upon thousands of European brews. The original Budweiser from the Czech Republic is a really good lager.

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