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Thankfully I didn’t spend Easter on Twitter arguing the virtues of millionaires playing on the PGA or the virtues of hundred millionaires playing on the LIV Tour
If you fell into either camp, and the sun was shining, I need you to look in the mirror this morning and ask yourself why you’re wasting away days of your life being goaded into such nonsense when spring has sprung and there’s so much life to live.
As Brooks Koepka shanked his first drive on No. 1 (to start his fourth round) I knew the “LIV guys thought this tournament ended after 54 holes” tweets were coming from Twitter nerds who can’t find girlfriends because they’re jerking around on social media for 15 hours a day, seven days a week.
Somewhere around No. 8 or 9, I opened the app to see what the jerkoffs were bitching and moaning about and it wasn’t long before I saw these miserable humans suddenly cheering for Phil Mickelson after spending 3-4 years wishing the guy were dead to the world of golf.
The Easter lesson this year is that golf Twitter is an absolute cesspool and if you’re going to spend your time wisely, at least open Instagram and laugh at the golf memes.
• Anonymous No. 1’s Masters run is over and it sounds like he has no regrets. How’s this sound for an Easter at The Masters.
Anonymous No. 1 writes:
After Saturday’s weather, there was nowhere to go but up. It was cold and cloudy early with maybe a hangover mist from yesterday but it went away quickly. And then, just like that, the clouds parted and the sun came out. I could hear Jim Namtz going all Obi Wan and telling me, “this is the Masters weather you’ve been looking for”. So naturally, the weather was perfect for Rahm and Koepka down the stretch.
Better weather meant thirstier patrons. We couldn’t start serving beer until 11am (Georgia state law). Once we got started it didn’t end until 6 o’clock and it was constant. Most of the time we wouldn’t even turn taps off. We would just keep rotating in another cup.
I was able to actually watch some golf despite the busy nature of beer sales. Coffee was a real big seller.
We kept running out of coffee but between urns, I snuck out and watched some players go through on 13 and 14. Finally around 5:15 I was on break and caught Rahm and Koepka on 11 fairway through Amen Corner and then teeing off on 14 before I clocked out for the day.
After another trip to the merch shop, I staked out a spot where the green jacket ceremony is in front of Eisenhower cabin. Rahm and Koepka were still on 16. The hour or so wait was totally worth it. I couldn’t have been more than 15 feet from Scottie and Rahmbo at the ceremony. You could see how emotional he was. Seeing all this in person was so much better than watching it on TV.
The whole work experience at the Masters was a blast and I will plan on doing it again next year.
Based on Anonymous No. 1’s reports, now I find myself wanting in on this action, especially if I keep being passed over for tickets. I’d be more than willing to take a work assignment filling beers if it means I can watch Rahmbo and Brooksie playing Amen Corner and then chilling out to watch the trophy celebration.
BTW, the Masters basement party was a nice time, but it would’ve been nice if the 3rd round wasn’t rained out. We had to watch replays. Thanks to Canoe Kirk for bringing the triple-distilled Jamesons that he says you can only buy at duty-free stores in Europe, or something like that.
My Masters sandwich rankings after Saturday’s taste test:
- Pimento cheese
- Egg salad
The Pimento cheese sandwich on Wonder bread was illegal. Pretty sure I said something about how I could eat 10 of those in a day. However, the BBQ and egg salad were both incredible. This is more about how great the simple pimento on Wonder bread is.
Was the Taste of the Masters meal kit worth it? Are you kidding? I’ve already set an alert to make sure I get one next year. I could see this becoming a yearly thing — if I don’t end up working The Masters.
Masters chip rankings:
- Kettle chips
It wasn’t a very fair fight. The BBQ chips are amazing.
• John from SD writes:
Jon Rahm made that a memorable Masters, what a great finish. How well does LIV Golf prepare you for majors? Let’s ask Brooks. Playing behind two turtles had to be very frustrating for Rahm and Koepka, having to wait on the tee box the majority of the day. Maybe that was enough to throw Koepka off?
BTW, how did that tall girl and the two sweater vests guys get behind Rahm and Koepka most of the day on the tee box?
I felt bad for the amateur missing those putts down the stretch and finishing outside the top 12 to get an invite back for next year. Congrats to him but appeared he could work on his composure at times. Sheffler laughing in the background when Jim Nance brought up the kid carrying his own bag and playing 36 holes was classic.
So many groups and players struggled under good conditions. What’s with the green Masters folding chairs? Do you have to buy them, rent them, bring it back the next year if you own it? Can Anonymous 1 or 2 help with this? Some great camera work by CBS crews picking up those green coolers mentioned by Anonymous 1. The crowd didn’t embrace Mickelson until the end, he earned both sides of that.
Basketball teammates taking swings at each other: grow the hell up. You’re playing a game and getting paid millions. Forget the NBA.
Joe, how was your Saturday outing, did you finish below your predicted 101? Keep up the great work!
- It looks like Bennett could be a Texan with a short fuse. Kinda excited to see where this goes because the Tour needs a loose cannon.
- I was under the assumption people buy the Masters chairs, place them into a spot and people do not disturb them all day. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.
- I shot a 98 on Saturday. It was at a semi-private country club that plays pretty much open on the front (shot a 47) and then turns into a hellscape of trees and doglegs on the back. Penalty shots killed the momentum on the back nine and I need to start hitting greens on long Par 3s or at least be straight and short. Hitting greens over green-side bunkers isn’t smart with my game.
- However, I felt pretty good overall. The sun was out, the birds were going nuts and I was out with friends. That’s a nice day out of the house.
- Reminder: We count every shot. No breakfast balls. No mulligans.
- Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green didn’t care about the trees and water on pretty much every hole. He shot a scalding hot 2-over 37 on the back and finished with a 79. We won’t talk about what Canoe Kirk shot. I think he found the water three times on No. 4.
• Brian J. writes:
Had to pick up some eggs this morning. Got two dozen Large Grade A for $1.86 a dozen. Receipt attached. These were the store brand (Ingles – Laura Lynn) not Eggland’s best. Eggland’s best x-large were $4.68 a dozen.
With that said, inflation is crazy to compute as it varies by product and probably location. I think true low/middle-class inflation is around 14-15% for the last 20ish months as the gov’t computation is a bit sketchy. But seeing these eggs for a buck eighty-six today was refreshing.
And the other items on the receipt were heavy whipping cream for my magical mashed potatoes I made for the fam at Easter dinner, and I loaded up on chicken broth I’m using for a recipe when I host a party next week with chicken and dumplings being the main course for about 20 or so that will come over (Bud Light is banned!).
The sugar is for a homemade Sangria recipe I’ll be serving as well. May 15th is party night here. Yes, it’s a Monday but has special meaning as we have a golf tournament to celebrate a member of our community who has passed and I’ll have several of the guys and their wives over for dinner, drinks, stories and music that evening.
• Tyler E. writes:
Love everything you do. Wanted to share the progress I’ve made on the man garage. You guys keep me inspired!!
TNML in 1984
• Ryan O. writes:
I turn 41 today (Sunday). Full day of the Masters on TV. Great weekend of TNML prep including 20 ton of gravel being delivered for my gift to myself. It’s mushroom hunting season in southern Indiana and we found over 100 morels yesterday.
Cooked some baby backs on the smoker. My mom sends old pictures with happy birthday wishes and this one was included. My first mower. Just look at that Tv and stereo setup my dad was rocking! Have a great Masters Sunday.
Frozen Four trash talk
• Danny W. writes:
The Minnesota Golden Chokers just blew the national championship 10 seconds into overtime. If my North Dakota Fighting Sioux suck and can’t even get into the tournament, I’ll take a Gopher National Championship loss any day of the week. Congrats to Quinnipiac. Great game, great tournament and great job beating those overrated clowns from The Socialist State of MN Golden (Goofers) Gophers.
How to live life without an alarm
Saturday, I wrote about how my goal lately was to have enough of Saturday Screencaps done on Saturdays to where I don’t need to use an alarm. I’ve found that having just one morning per week without an alarm wasn’t working well which meant I needed to adjust my work life just a bit.
• George M. writes:
I haven’t used an alarm to wake up for the last 25+ years, and it is the best thing I’ve ever done. With an alarm, I always woke up fuzzy-headed and usually grumpy, a horrible way to start the day. I did a lot of reading on better sleep, and one thing kept coming up: we need to keep our bodies circadian rhythms in relative sync with the sun and natural daylight. I started by using an alarm that didn’t make noise, but slowly increased the light in the room to wake slowly and naturally. I also worked to get to sleep at the same time each night to help build a healthy pattern. Eventually, I ditched the clock and just left the blinds open, waking to sunrise each day, and that is what I’ve done ever since. I wake up rested, ready to attack the day and usually do my most creative and productive work early in the morning.
I think that changing my sleep pattern and waking naturally has also kept me physically and mentally healthier than I would otherwise be. And once the habit is ingrained you will wake up on time, even when you have to stay up late to catch the end of a game, or a good campfire…
As I explained to George, if I were to wake up to daylight, you guys wouldn’t get Screencaps until around lunch and that would defeat the purpose of the column which is to get your day started on a high note.
That said, it’s admirable that George has had such a sleep schedule for 25 years.
First day of practice
It’s time to put into motion all of those things you guys taught me with the first practice of the season emails. It’s time to see which boys have played baseball and don’t risk taking a baseball off the nose while playing catch and which boys could kill me (or one of the other dads) during batting practice.
I still need to get more Wiffle balls, but I’m taking the advice from multiple readers who swear by pre-practice Wiffle ball to get the kids fired up, get them running, get them having fun. It’s something that makes total sense. We’re going to see how this goes.
We will also be utilizing small stations to keep the kids moving. The sun is shining, it’s going to be near 70 with very little wind. Talk about the weather gods looking down on me this week. Then, Saturday, it’s supposed to be 80 and sunny for the second practice. It’s time to play some ball.
Go have an incredible day of work or a day off after Easter. It’s back to the grind here at OutKick and I have a feeling you’re going to start hearing more and more about the NFL Draft.