Town Cancels Fireworks For Masturbating Walrus Which Thanked Them By Leaving

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A town in the UK went out of its way to make a walrus comfortable, but they may have made it far too comfortable.

Scarborough, England got a special visitor Friday in the form of a bull walrus named Thor. Walruses aren’t a common sight on the British Isles, so his presence drew thousands of eager onlookers and wildlife aficionados.

Thor made sure to, uh, “perform” for them.

*Cue “Sabre Dance” by Aram Khachaturian*

Well, at least he feels at home in Scarborough…

There was also cause for concern because Thor decided to waddle ashore just before New Year’s Eve when Scarborough was scheduled to put on a fireworks display. He had fallen asleep in the harbor after putting on his show.

They decided that fireworks could wait and decided to can the display to not disturb the exhibitionist walrus.

The next day, Thor decided to skip town. He showed up, did his thing, got the fireworks canceled, and bailed.

What a guy.

I never thought I’d say this, but I wish my neighborhood had a masturbating walrus. it seems to be one of the few things that will get people to stop setting off fireworks.

This year, I had neighbors setting off fireworks on Christmas. Christmas!

Christmas is not a fireworks holiday.

If Thor was hanging out on my block, maybe I could’ve had a quiet evening… aside from the Walrus grunting.

“I was going down to my boat and there it was on the slipway—magnificent,” boat tour operator Stuart Ford said, per The Herald Sun. “I think it’s a once-in-a-lifetime in Scarborough to see.”

The people of Scarborough were happy to get a visit from Thor.

Clearly, he was pretty happy to be there too.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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