Tom Brady Whiffs On Tony Dungy Body Bag, NFL QB Hard Counts & A BYU Receiver With Full Extension For The Catch

Guys, I find myself in a situation this morning

I might’ve walked myself right into a hornet’s nest of Karens. A couple of weeks ago, I contacted a guy I know who has a fire truck loaded with, like, 16 beer taps and asked him if he could bring the truck through the neighborhood with Santa in the cab. You know the drill here: do it for the kids and throw a keg on the truck for the parents in the neighborhood. I come to financial terms with the fire truck and Santa. Neighborhood families are notified.

Tuesday rolls around, and I’m told that Santa needs to stop over a half-hour early at 2:30. Fine, that works, it’s not a huge change. An update is sent out to the neighborhood families. The wives are already three bottles of wine deep this week. They’ll understand. A half-hour during the day isn’t going to make or break their days.

Then I wake up this morning to another change out of Santa. Instead of 2:30, he can do 5. Talk about 2020 kicking me straight in the nuts. Santa is literally out here trying to get my ass kicked by suburban housewives who drive by my house on a daily basis.

All I can do is laugh at the absurdity of it all, and pray Christmas ale is on that truck and the neighborhood moms don’t destroy me too bad if this goes south one final time. Stay tuned.

• You get two bowl games today starting with Louisiana Tech vs. Georgia Southern at 3 on ESPN and then Memphis vs. Florida Atlantic at 7 from Montgomery, Alabama.

• The Lions aren’t sure how many coaches they’ll have available for Saturday’s home game against Tampa. I vote for player-coaches. Matthew Stafford goes out there and calls all his own plays, timeouts, goes for it on 4th downs. Hockey did it for years. Football can too.

1,132 chain stores have closed in NYC over the last 12 months, including 54 Starbucks.

• The cheapest seat to the Sugar Bowl available right now on Vivid Seats — OSU vs. Clemson — is $1,239. Think I’ll stay home and work.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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