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It’s the last Friday before the last Friday before college football season, so we’re gonna talk some Tim Tebow sex from 2007.
Knock on wood if you’re with me!
Didn’t think I’d start today’s class with Tebow sex and a Jon Gruden reference, but that’s why Friday Nightcaps are the Wild Wild West. You don’t know what you’re gonna get or where you’re gonna go, but it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.
You could feel the football buzz in the air on this morning’s OutKick meeting. I believe Trey Wallace — also known as the top CFB insider in the business — ended the call with a warning …
Get some sleep. Last weekend without football.
Trey knows how to get the damn juices flowing on a Friday morning. Ever since then, I’ve been just looking for a brick wall to run through. I’m ready to roll. If you’re not, either get on board or get off the train, because it’s about to take off like that one in Back To The Future Part III.
Tebow, Gruden AND Marty McFly! What a start!
We’ll get to Tim Tebow sex stories here in a bit, because there are some WILD ones starting to leak from the upcoming Swamp Kings Netflix special. Because Trey is apparently more important than us, he got to watch it already and reviewed it here.
Feel free to read, but I won’t. I prefer my alerts not spoiled.
What else should we tackle today? Golf influencer Bri Teresi going for a night swim? Obviously. Great Americans refusing to drink $2 Bud Light even though everything else cost six times that? Sure!
There’s also a cool reaction video to Oliver Anthony’s viral summer song making that rounds that reminded me why this country is awesome. Saw it this morning and honestly, it may not be real, but whatever. I liked it and what I like makes the cut around here.
Hey, it doesn’t work at home so this is the only place I actually get to drop the hammer. Let me have this one, would ya?
Oh yeah — we’ll also check the mail today. Haven’t done that in a while.
Proudly grab a $12 Miller Lite and settle in for a mixed back of a Friday Nightcaps.
Tim Tebow was not a fan of nudes at Florida
Cannot believe we’re still talking about Tim Tebow’s virginity in 2023, but it was Clay Travis who first got the ball rolling, so I guess I can’t complain too much.
So, yes — the new documentary on those ridiculous UF football teams is about to drop. Some, like Trey, have already gotten a sneak peak.
While I haven’t read Trey’s full review, I did read the NY Post’s little write-up on one of the scenes in the show, which apparently is just a bunch of players being asked about Tebow’s sex life back in school.
He didn’t have one, as you know, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Just ask Brandon Spikes, the ex-UF linebacker who was an absolute animal.
“I just wanted to see if he was real,” Spikes says in the documentary, per the Post. “So I would like, you know, maybe have a picture, a nude picture on my phone or something and show it to him just to see how he would react.
“He was like, ‘Come on man! Like, you really get a man uncomfortable!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, he’s serious.’”
As a heart attack, Brandon! Tim, by the way, did OK for himself.
Bri Teresi lights up the night
Those old Gators team were insane, for those who didn’t live through it. Absolutely electric time to be a UF fan. Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer, the Pouncey Bros., Riley Cooper, Percy Harvin, Spikes, Major Wright — the list literally just goes on.
And, if you’re wondering why I included Major Wright in there, here’s why:
Good God. He’d get 20 to life nowadays and the wokes on social media would be calling for a full-scale investigation and immediate shutdown of football altogether.
What a freaking hit. College football at it’s finest.
Here’s golf influencer Bri Teresi cooling down after a long day to get us back on track.
Bud Light is still boycotted at $2 a pop
Didn’t see it coming. Did you? Jarring.
Now, let’s go from a real woman to a fake one. Bud Light is an absolute shell of itself at this point, and the months-long boycott doesn’t seem to be fading. Sales are down across the board, and people have pretty much sworn it off for good.
And for those dummies who are trying to tell you things are slowing down, I say watch this:
Different Americans watching Oliver Anthony’s new song will remind you why we’re the best country
Beer prices at events are so out of control right now that even I would have to think twice about that deal. You could essentially drink six Bud Lights for the price of one other beer. I think I’d do it …
Just kidding! Come on. One Yuengling, please!
And while you drink that great American beer, you might as well listen to Oliver Anthony’s Rich Men North of Richmond for the 100th time this week. Hell, everyone else is.
Now, as I said earlier, I don’t know that this is 100% what it seems. I feel like it could be easily doctored. For starters, how do I know this group of people were actually listening to this song? I don’t.
That being said, it still gave me chills so I choose to believe it.
Checking the mail at my new house
As Deacon Palmer once said in a lowkey hilarious King of Queens moment — the man does have a lot of hits.
If you know that reference, and the episode, you truly are perfect for this column and will get a shoutout in Monday’s ‘Caps. I know fellow Nightcaps conductor Anthony Farris will, but he doesn’t count.
Email me and prove it!
Speaking of emails, let’s check the mail at my new address.
Dude, I’m all for it but I doubt my wife will give it a go.
I’ll keep you posted.
That was, of course, in response to yesterday’s class when I introduced everyone to Dr. Camilla Lewin — a Brazilian doctor and former Miss World Fitness star who swears that taking an ice bath will increase your horniness.
Good luck, Mike! Hope it’s worth it. To quote George Costanza …
King of Queens AND Seinfeld to end our class? Don’t you dare accuse me of mailing it in today.
Shoutout to crazy plane chick Tiffany Gomas; she’s an Oklahoma state grad (proud fellow alum). I do not know her but I am glad to see my illustrious alma mater in the news for something less embarrassing than our new mask-nazi school president, getting swept in our own regional, or how bad our football team will be this year.
Good luck with the move, always a painful process, even before Joe Briben’s interest rates!
Didn’t realize Tiffany was a Cowboy! That’s cool. Stillwater seems like a fun time on a Saturday, regardless of the record. Definitely on my bucket list.
As for the new president … can’t imagine what you’re talking about!
What a time for the wave and how about this pilot?
OK, let’s get on out of here with a couple Friday night quickies — a specialty of mine!
Looks like the internet ain’t happy with Eagles fans after they didn’t let a little injury in Thursday’s game stop them from doing the wave:
Death, taxes and doing the wave whenever the hell we want. Those are just about the three things in America you can count on.
Nothing and I mean NOTHING will stop fans from doing the wave at a game. It’s as insufferable now as ever, but it’s too far gone. It’ll never stop. No sense in getting annoyed at it.
BTW, Tyrie Cleveland is OK. Neck sprain and concussion, according to the Eagles. You’re free to now resume your wave. Here it comes, get ready!
If anyone can put a stop to it, though, perhaps it’s this airline pilot who is apparently as fed up with air travel as we are.
According to CBS, United pilot Kenneth Henderson Jones, 63, later told police he just “hit his breaking point.”
Fair enough. Be mad all you want, but at least he waited until he landed to unleash the beast. Not to worry, he’s been taken off the United schedule for the foreseeable future.
Probably the right call.
Now let’s go enjoy our final football-less weekend until February.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Did Tim Tebow turn out OK or what? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.