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Thursday Night Mowing League: May Starts With Multiple Rainouts Across The United States

TNML Commissioner’s Report:

I pulled into the school pickup line just before 3:30 Thursday and saw the retirees with the perfect yard spraying off the Deere rider after their league performance and I was instantly jealous. The radar said it all Thursday. If you weren’t mowing before 4 p.m., forget it. You were getting wet.

And with that, I was officially rained out.

As you guys know, this time of year a rainout is a kick in the nuts because it means I have no choice but to get a mow in Saturday — hopefully — and then get another one in Monday which then sets me up for next Thursday when it’s going to be 84 and sunny.

The retiree spraying down the Deere. I have to sit there behind 60 suburban mom vans and watch him cut some of the best turf in town / credit: Joe Kinsey

While mowing isn’t going great, it’s officially time to buy flowers and that makes me happy because it means it’s time to beautify the patio for those margs and Busch Light nights. This week I bought a van full of flowers and we’re going out to get more Saturday. If I’m going to sit inside a house for eight months, I’m going to enjoy the hell out of the summer months on this patio.

This means every single day in May is critical as we close in on Memorial Day. There are 50 projects and it’s May 6 and 55 and rainy outside.

But we’ll survive and enjoy those warm summer nights when I just sit there laughing over the thought of being a lawn mowing league commissioner and all of this pays the bills.

What a life. I couldn’t have drawn it up any better.

• Andy in St. Louis writes:

We live in a typical subdivision with a typical subdivision yard.  We’ve always paid the different neighbor kids to mow, because that’s how I made money as a kid, and frankly that’s our way to pay it forward.  This year, the neighborhood kids cutting grass are a little on the younger side.  This has led to quality and dependability issues that are approaching unacceptability.  We noticed a couple neighbors went with lawncare firms this year instead of neighborhood kids.  My question is, when is it acceptable to pull the plug with the new kids, and how big of an a-hole will I be perceived as if I pull the plug?

Keep cranking out the content

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I think it’s perfectly fine to pull the plug on the neighborhood kids if it’s not done on Thursdays so the yard looks spectacular for the weekend. Hey kids, get with the program here. We mow on Thursdays. If it’s a rainout, it needs to be done immediately after school on Friday as to not interfere with Friday night cookouts.

As for quality, the kids should be able to lay down some basic stripes with a basic self-propelled mower.

Submit a photo so we can see what kind of performance these kids are putting in. Let TNML decide the fate of these kids and their cash cow operations.

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• Louie in Savannah writes:

I am writing to demonstrate one of the few acceptable reasons for missing league night… coaching both my sons’ little league teams with my dad right beside in the dugout.

This goes along with the inspiration theme too, my dad has taught me so much over the years there’s no one statement that stands out. He is the living embodiment of the American Dream. Came here with his folks when he was a boy with little more than the clothes on their backs.

He enlisted at 17 and went to Vietnam. Worked his rear end off every day when he got back. It’s too much to detail in a short email. Anyway, now he’s retired, driving a Beamer and sporting an Apple Watch. I always tease him and tell him he’s come a long way from taking baths outside as a little boy.

Now he loves spoiling his grandsons and still steering me down the right path.

I hope everyone had a great night, off to bed for me. The AC unit in the attic is steadily dripping in the spill pan and will need some more TLC early tomorrow morning. I have a feeling I will be looking to sell a kidney soon. Lol

P.S. My hat is crooked from the pen behind my ear and all my in game note taking, it’s not a fashion statement.

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I think that’s a nice way to end this week’s report. You’re excused, Louie! As for that AC unit, good luck! I took a firm kick to the nuts this week with Bidenflation on new AC systems.

Have a great Mother’s Day weekend and get those yards right before her big day.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

New products….BUY! BUY! BUY!

This Week’s Honorary Starter:

TNML Reports:

• Andy W. in western Nebraska writes:

Hi Joe I could put down 5000 Coors Light aided words. I will attach a few pics now as I’m fired up post mow .  

My bench is deep. Perfect weather for the 05 Briggs, A quick mow from Tbone who got his first start tonight.  The aerator made a big mess.  But I followed it with some 26-0-02.  Was a great mow, my boys got the neighbors mowed and line trimmed as well.  GBR!!!

• Dave in Rhode Island writes:

First official mow of the season here in Southern RI – weather has not been great.  This was more like a spring training game, but we’re off and running.  As usual the equipment started up pretty much on the first pull thanks to the winterization efforts last Fall – another year of #Husqvarna and #Echo shoutouts…along with the requisite #buschlatte, which never goes out of season of course.

Looking forward to a great season including some significant landscaping improvements, stay tuned!

• Rodney C. in Houston writes:

In honor of TNML and Cinco de Mayo, had to share the text I sent to some buddies from college tonight – we’re scattered all over the country now, but still try to stay in touch regularly… usually dreaming of drinking a beer together again like the good ol’ days.

I don’t always drink Dos Equis, but when I do:
A) The yard is freshly mowed.
B) It’s 95 degrees in May.
C) It’s Cinco de Mayo.
D) All of the above.

First-time emailer, but have been reading Screen Caps consistently for the past 8 months. Love what you have created in this community. Keep doing what you’re doing!

PS – Any thoughts on a TNML can koozie (maybe they’re a thing and I missed it)? I’ve got to get a hat once they’re back in stock!

• Ryan S. in NW Ohio writes:

Freakin wash out. Hopefully next week, but still enjoying an evening beverage!!!

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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