Thursday Night Mowing League: Competitors Risk Their Lives As The Dog Days Officially Heat Up

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Commissioner mowing report: Trust the weather guys at your own peril

Going into Week 13 of the season, I was facing adversity in the form of strong storms in the forecast. The local hysteria carnival barkers spent all of Wednesday freaking out people and then they continued their barrage Thursday on social media.

“Be prepared…hunker down…tornadoes(!)…2″ hail(!)…wind damage.”

They had people freaked out including Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green whole rolled into the group text around 4 p.m. after spending his day playing around with natural gas lines to wimp out on mowing.

So I went out and mowed. It’s each man for himself. Going into the night, I knew what had to be done and the challenge I faced. You can see it in my text. I cannot go into the weekend with grass-clipping bags in the garage. Not happening.

Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green is a grown millennial. He can fend for himself.

I roll back into the house as the skies opened up. Then it’s time for the post-game shower, dinner and the post-game analysis where you look over the work of art. I grab my phone and look at these text messages that are waiting to be read:

One of us is dialed in for the weekend. The other is scrambling before going to the lake. Guess who’s sitting back relaxed heading into a patio night?


Week 13 National Mower of the Year Rankings

  1. Coach Dave Holmgreen (great hot tub speech)
  2. Jimmy Dobbins (could’ve died)
  3. TJ Bollmer in the 513 (still strong, but didn’t nearly die)
  4. Fink in Illinois (steady, but going on vacation, could slip)
  5. Colt Bradford (Mr. Dependable; never misses league night)
  6. Justin Eppenbrock (scroll down to see what he has going on with his yard…he’s been coming on strong over the last month)
  7. Hornet Tim (slides down a spot because he was off to spend time holding his grandchild)

Last week’s national rankings:

  1. TJ Bollmer in the 513
  2. Coach Dave Holmgreen
  3. Fink in Illinois
  4. Colt Bradford
  5. Jimmy Dobbins
  6. Hornet Tim….and charging FAST…he has arguably two of the best videos of the summer

Buy! Buy! Buy!

Mowing Reports From Around The United States

• Beau in Toledo writes:

 Hope this check-in isn’t too late… been a long sleep-in morning on a day-off Friday before a quick trip to Poland for the weekend… yes, that’s Poland, Ohio.  Sunday is my Brother’s birthday, and Mom wants to take him out to dinner.

Anywho, I left work early to get in 3 mows before the “storm” hit.  Reports from the Maumee lawns read 2 inches of rain, while the Trilby Area lawns got a splash that didn’t even register on the rain gauge.  I also did a little trapping on Thursday as well. 

It’s mole season, and this little Turf Terrorist is the 4th to meet his demise in the last 2 weeks.  It’s not as bad as what the City of Toledo’s Water Department did to Mom’s tiny yard though. Ug.  That’s gonna be a rough fix, and the COT likes to use dirt filled with weed seed, so I’ll be hitting Titgemeiers in the South End pretty soon to try to get back to what WAS there, green grass.

Off to get in a Friday Morning Mow on the Homestead (no pics… Rules n stuff).

Have a great weekend!!

p.s. I’ve been listening to Jason Aldean’s “Try That In a Small Town” on repeat, and thanks to the Surround Sound system, so have my neighbors.

• Joe H. writes:

Joe H from Delaware, Oh again. Just putting down some stripes before the storms roll in. Took 4 Modelos to get this done. Hope you were able to get out, I know the storms were up there before they got here. Love reading your stuff.

• Rob in NC writes:

Joe ..finishing the great vacation week in OI, NC…my son went home this am to get some of his yards done and he laid down a nasty at our homestead as well.  Sent me a couple pics because he knows the routine.  Back to reality is coming up.  Keep it coming Joe..appreciate it…looks like he used bobcat/Stihl/98′ dodge…shout out to Benjamin as well recently accepting a job offer and graduating from Carolina Cat program….Rob NC

• Indy Daryl writes:

Finally, mostly, back on league schedule. Hadn’t mowed since the dreaded Sunday afternoon post vacation mow a week and a half ago. With all the rain I think my yard averaged what seemed like 10”! Felt great to get back out there.

Got in a post-work back yard now last night, then grilled some chicken thighs. While today I took a minute at lunch to knock out the front.

Question for other league members: do you ever get tired of the normal 2-3 mow patterns and just one day say f@“$ It and do something weird? Was bored today so I went with a weird angle matching the curve of our path/front garden bed in the front yard. Curious if others do the same!

Have a great league night and I hope the rain holds off long enough for you!

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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