Thursday Night Mowing League: Coach Colt & Coach Dave Only Wear Shirts On Fridays

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I’m not going to beat around the bush

I didn’t mow. By now I’ve made it clear I’m going on vacation and I’m out of rotation. The lawn didn’t even need a trim. I had to move all my attention to watering and hydrating the petunias in case the neighborhood kids skip watering or fail to water all the troops out in the field.

What will we come back to? I can’t spend the entire vacation thinking about it. At this point, I have to trust the hiring process and trust that the kids hired will perform or they’ll never go swimming at the Kinsey house ever again.

It’s their choice.

I’m joking.

Of course, they’ll get the job done. They need gas money and cash to blow on video games.

This is why we mow on Thursday

Don’t forget to celebrate.

Week 15 National Mower of the Year rankings:

  1. Coach Dave Holmgreen (Relentless)
  2. Coach Colt Bradford (Mr. Steady just keeps climbing the national rankings)
  3. TJ Bollmer (Did I see he’s now selling his own mowing shirts?)
  4. Justin Eppenbrock (His backyard Par 3 is a work of art)
  5. Fink (The guy spent the week sending in Wiffleball reports from one of America’s great Wiffleball tournaments…that gets you back into the top five especially when Dobbins doesn’t perform and ends up at Cedar Point instead)

Analysis: I think we all could see a Coach Dave vs. Coach Colt shirt-off showdown building and now we’ve got it heading into high school football season. I checked the schedule — these two don’t face each other on the gridiron, so they’ll have to settle this fight on the fescue or whatever they’re growing in Texas.

Can Bollmer figure out a way to break up this coach beef-off? Does Eppenbrock have enough juice left with his golf course to make a major late-season push?

This is why you can’t turn away from this league. It just keeps getting better.

Last week’s rankings:

  1. Coach Dave Holmgreen
  2. TJ Bollmer in the 513 (via his Christmas in July bit)
  3. Jimmy Dobbins (drops a spot after slacking due to his wedding anniversary and his wife’s birthday)
  4. Colt Bradford (Mr. Steady just goes about his business; He’s a big one-week-at-a-time guy)
  5. Justin Eppenbrock (he has the Par 3 hole in his Augusta, GA yard; get a good look at how well his turf is doing…scroll down)

Buy! Buy! Buy!

Reports from across the league:

• Indy Daryl writes:

Me all day:
“I’ll get to it this afternoon”
Coming home from the gym:
“Oh my goodness I forgot it’s Thursday, I need to mow but I’ll wait till it isn’t so hot”
After finishing up work:
“Ugh, I’ll do it after I finish my book”
After getting the dinner dishes cleaned:
“I’ll do it in a little bit”
After reading bedtime stories:
“Maybe I’ll just do it Saturday”
And then I finally sacked up and just put my f’ing shoes on and mowed the f’ing lawn!

I was treated to a wonderful sunset as I finished up in the dusk on this wonderfully temperate league night. Hope you didn’t battle the mental struggles I did!

• Sean C. in Granger, IN writes:

Well, the news came in last Friday……my 25+ year old Murray riding mower is headed to the big lawn in the sky. A few weeks back it just “seized” while running. The sound it made was liken to when Large Marge described the “worst accident she’d even seen”, like “a garbage truck…… falling off the Empire State Building”. Shout out to Pee Wee Herman. RIP!

It had a good run. I picked it up at an estate sale when I moved in to my current house in 2016. I paid $450 for it, and it was meant to be a placeholder until I got settled and figured out what I needed. But I’m not a frivolous person. If it worked, why buy something new? Almost 8 full seasons, and now it’s time to move on. Pour one out for Old Murray! I’ll keep you posted on my adventures for a replacement. In the meantime, I’ll continue to push mow (self-propelling of course) until the end of the season, or at least until I find a good deal. No worries here, I can use the exercise.

Addressing the actual mowing for the week, though walking it takes much longer, I do like how the yard looks. Tighter lines gives it a nice clean look. And I replaced the blade on my edger. It got such a deep cut that dirt was caked on my shoes and lower legs. I saw Jim Allen’s submission last week about the edging and it motivated me. I’m not trying to play the “one up” game, I’ve just taken pride in my edging more and more since I’ve had the house I’m currently in.

I appreciate the guys who care about a good edge, particularly in the neighborhoods. I remember edging growing up, using that wooden-handled manual edger with a loose wheel. It was the worst. Even with gloves on I’d get blisters. Now, with the power of Echo, it’s fun!

• Beau in Toledo writes:

I feel like a failure… I only got 2 mows in tonight, despite a 3-mow Thursday prediction… Long day at work, coupled with the fact that I may or may not have stayed up too late on a school night last night… I’ll take the L on this one.

Gotta own it.

Either way, I put down Stripes tonight… Main Maumee Yard got a 3.5 inch cut, down from 3.75, about 2 weeks ago… the laydown when it grows to 6 or 7 within a week needed a tweak… the laydown(Grass being too long, laying on itself, trapping badJu-Ju) is creating a disease factor, which prompted a deck height change, and it seems to be working…

Keeping fingers crossed.

Take note, #TNM, Brethren.

Anywho, off to bed… 

Have a Great Weekend!!!

• Matt in Nashville writes:

We had serious threat of a rainout for a lot of the morning and early afternoon, but thankfully we got the best of both worlds with some nice moisture for the greenery and a dry enough night for a quality mow. 

The turf is coming along nicely with the in-ground irrigation going full throttle, and the weeds are on the retreat. Stripes are looking good, and we’re ready for the stretch run.

Also, have to thank my two assists tonight, Sweetwater Brewery in ATL and an amazing find I got that I recommend to everyone who gets outside to DO HARD THINGS in the summer: a relatively inexpensive, battery-powered misting fan that sits on a five gallon bucket (used a Lowes one since it matches color) and blasts out cool, misty air for me on League nights, my kids on playground/sports days outside, and everyone when we have an outdoor gathering. Money well spent.

Here’s hoping everyone stays strong in the Dog Days. Mow like champions fellas and ladies.

• Tim G. in the 419 writes:

No mow for the third consecutive Thursday – conditions are just too dry. The heavy rains keep missing us in Allen County, Ohio. Took the day to finish mulching the North face of the house though.

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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