The Texas Longhorns Really Are Scared of the SEC

Remember when the SEC offered the Texas Longhorns the chance to join the conference, the Longhorns said no, and then Texas fans trotted out all sorts of reasons why it made no sense for the Longhorns to join the SEC? 

All of those reasons have slowly withered over the past year and change. The real reason why Texas didn't join the SEC was simple -- the Longhorns were scared of SEC competition. After all, if you can't even beat Oklahoma very often, how in the world are you going to beat eight or ten Oklahomas?

Yep, the Longhorns are bullies who turn yella when real competition shows up; they're softer than a ten gallon hat filled with water. 

If DeLoss Dodds had been in charge of Sam Houston's army in 1836, the slogan at the Battle of San Jacinto wouldn't have been "Remember the Alamo!", it would have been, "Viva Mexico!" 

Texas fans were furious at me for calling them out last year. They ranted and raved to all sorts of illogical degrees.

Fifteen of them -- and I'm not making this up -- challenged me to fist fights.

Fifteen! 

A lot more are going to want to fight me now, because with the addition of West Virginia to the Big 12 what I said a year ago is even more true -- Texas is scared of the SEC.

Let's trot through those Longhorn arguments again.

1. The Longhorn Network is going to make us so much money we don't need anyone else.

There are presently 14 subscribers to the Longhorn Network.

Hold on, I just got a new press release from ESPN...

15 subscribers. 

2. We couldn't have the Longhorn Network in the SEC.

Wrong.

A version of the Longhorn Network is permitted in the SEC. Schools retain the local rights to one football game -- and many other athletic events -- to sell locally. Indeed, Florida makes $10 million a year from the Sunshine Network for its local games just in that state. Negotiated several years ago, that's just $5 million less than Texas gets for its "network."  

The only difference between the Sunshine Network and the Longhorn Network?

People actually watch the Sunshine Network.  

Especially since ESPN is Texas's television partner, the Longhorn Network would have been feasible in the SEC.

3. We make a lot more money in the Big 12!

False.

You'd make more money, not less in the SEC.

That's even without the coming SEC Network which is going to be widely distributed -- yes, people will actually demand it -- and will rain billions on member institutions. You can read about the coming SEC Network here.

So you took less money to stay in an inferior conference?

Brilliant strategic move.  

4. SEC academics are not good enough for Texas.

Right.

So you Longhorns stayed in the Big 12 while the SEC took the other two best academic schools in the conference -- Texas A&M and Missouri, 58 and 90 in the most recent U.S. News ranking.

And you added TCU and West Virginia to replace those schools, 101 and 164 in the latest U.S. News.

I'm no genius -- after all, I didn't graduate from Texas -- but that seems like a downgrade.

Oh, and you also allowed two of the best academic schools in the old Big 12, Colorado and Nebraska, to leave last year.

There's a fancy word for saying one thing while doing the other.

What is it? 

Oh yeah...hypocrisy.

The average U.S. News and World Report ranking of SEC schools is now better than that of Big 12 schools.

The SEC's 14 schools average a 95.4 ranking while the Big 12's ten average a 111.5.

The SEC has seven schools in the top 90 in the country, the Big 12 has two, Texas and Baylor at 45 and 75 respectively.

So you're worse academically now than the SEC.

5. You aren't that much better of a state school than many SEC schools.

Texas likes to hold its nose high in the air, an Ivy League pretender whose opinion of itself just doesn't square with reality. .

Harvard as a peer?

Ha.

You're over ten ranking spots behind Georgia Tech in the latest US News list.

But, but, but you're the 45th best national university in the country.

News flash, that's 28 spots behind Vanderbilt, just 13 spots above Texas A&M and Florida, close to Georgia, and not that far from Alabama and Auburn.

There's a phrase that comes to mind for your academics too.

All hat, no cattle.

6. We would have to travel too much in the SEC!

It's 1,400 miles from Austin to Morgantown, West Virginia.

Austin to Morgantown is further than Austin to any member of the SEC by nearly 300 miles.

Hell, Ames, Iowa is not much further than Columbia, South Carolina either -- the farthest trip for Texas in the SEC.

And who are you about to add that's over a 1,000 miles away?

Louisville.

Yep, you're not even playing the state of Kentucky in football, you're playing a city.

Well done.

Also, airplanes exist.

You should know that, smart kids. (Who aren't actually that smart).

7. The SEC wouldn't be a good cultural fit.

Good point.

Ames, Iowa is the cultural capital of America.

And the difference between Manhattan, Kansas and Manhattan is miniscule.

Wait.

8. Our Big 12 schedule will make us a national power!

Newsflash, this is 75% of your schedule every year:

Texas vs. Baylor

Texas vs. Kansas

Texas vs. Kansas State

Texas vs. Iowa State

Texas vs. TCU

Texas vs. Texas Tech

Texas vs. West Virginia

Texas vs. Oklahoma State

Texas vs. Oklahoma

Yep, you play the state of Kansas.

Twice!

In football!

Every year!

There are literally dozens of football fans across the country who will watch both those games.

9. I WILL FIGHT YOU, CLAY TRAVIS!

DON'T YOU DARE MESS WITH TEXAS!

If y'all fight like you pick football conferences you're going to trip over your own boot spurs and knock yourself out on a feeding trough.

When you wake up you'll claim you were the Navy Seal who killed Osama bin Laden.

Fact is, nobody has to mess with Texas, y'all messed all over yourselves when you had a chance to join the SEC and instead peed your pants until your boots filled with urine. 

Because when you break down all the arguments, ain't no hiding it, it's clear as day -- Texas is scared of the SEC.