Written by Jackson Martin
So The Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective is at it again, trying to destroy my entire childhood. You might remember them as the guys who did an incredible job of compiling the box score from Space Jam (my favorite movie of all time) or as the college blog that is way smarter than just about everyone else writing about sports right now.
This time they’re projecting Pablo Sanchez’s career numbers (and probability of using steroids) by his Backyard Baseball statistics. It’s worth a read, but I’ll save you a little bit of time; he’d be really, really good.
Who was the best Backyard Baseball character, you ask?
Everyone born in the 90’s knows Pablo Sanchez was potentially the greatest 10-year old to ever step onto a baseball diamond. Bryce Harper hit a 502 ft home run when he was 16? Cool story bro. Pablo jacked 723 ft home runs like it was no big thing when he was 10, covered unreal ground at shortstop or center field, and was just straight intimidating because he only spoke spanish (unless you held down shift and clicked on his card while picking a team).
If I ever get into the major leagues, which is unlikely because I went undrafted yet again this year despite a solid .345 batting average in fraternity league intramural softball and GREAT HANDS, there is no doubt that I’m using Pablo’s at-bat music. No doubt. Might break Barry Bonds’ record for intentional walks in a season that song is so intimidating.
My one issue with HSAC’s projection of Pablo?
No way the Secret Weapon uses steroids. Not once, not never. Outside of the occasional Aluminum Power Bat or Under-Grounder, Pablo “Dirty” Sanchez was all natural. Just read his wikipedia description:
Pablo Ramon “Secret Weapon” Sanchez is not only the best player of the backyard kids, but he is the best person. On top of regularly leading the league in home runs, OPS, walks he always led the league in pep talks. Pablo never shied away from taking a leadership role and offering words of encouragement when necessary.
Does that sound like someone who’s juicing? Didn’t think so. Just like all the greats, he’s going to get questioned because of the era he played in, but nothing about Pablo hablos cheater.
Last note: did anyone not always play as the Crazy Wombats? I feel like that was the only decision you could make until BB 2001 unleashed the Major League Clubs for everyone to use. Even then, the only two choices besides the Wombats were the Braves and the Expos (RIP).