Merry Christmas from Outkick the Coverage.
I know how difficult it can be to find the perfect Christmas gift.
In fact, with just two days remaining before Christmas, most of you aren’t working today and many of you are scrambling to find the perfect gift for everyone on your holiday lists.
Well, you’re in luck.
This is the perfect way to honor your Crimson Tide fandom while also supporting the 85% in its eternal quest for a portable heater.
It’s only $40!
How do I love this bench?
Let me count the (five) ways.
1. Half of the coaches names are spelled correctly.
This actually qualifies you for Bama fan MENSA.
2. 85% of Bama fans see this and think, “You know, when we sit down to eat on visitation day at the local prison, we do need to support the Tide.”
And right now we’re not doing that at all.
3. This bench actually survived the 2013 Iron Bowl without being broken.
Because you know a Bama fan definitely hurled it off the front porch of his trailer.
That proves it’s sturdy.
4. I like the way it toggles between capital and lower case letters.
It gives the bench the requisite gravitas, like a ransom note that you can sit on!
5. The fact that someone even thought to do this.
Most of us would see a bench and think, “You know, that bench looks pretty normal.”
Not the 85%.
They have to demonstrate their sub-literacy everywhere.
On their tattoos, on Twitter.
On the very bench they sit on while they fill out their unemployment claims.
Role Tyde, y’all.