The Miss Universe Q&As: From Bad to Worse

All five finalists had to answer two questions, one from a judge and one from a lucky facebook viewer. The latter was asked of all 5 contestants. I’ve embedded the full videos at the bottom for your enjoyment, but these were the most memorable.

Miss Jamaica thinks Jamaica’s biggest contributions to the world are Bob Marley and Usain Bolt. 

I’m fine with this answer, but that is because I’m an American who knows nothing about Jamaica. On a list of people I can name from Jamaica, these make up 2/3 of it. Nice to know I have a solid grasp on Jamaica’s global contributions.

Miss Ukraine thinks the bathing suit competition is situation-dependent. 

When asked if she would get rid of the bathing suit competition, she responds, “It depends on the situation. If it’s gonna be nice, why not? I feel comfortable in anything. Thank you.” 

I don’t know wtf this means. We know the situation, Miss Ukraine. The situation is not a mystery, but I’ll set the scene for you… It’s Miss Universe on national television and contestants get scored based on their appearances in bikinis. Now that we’re clear, how do you feel about it?? This was a soft ball, and she blew it. 

As a sidenote, I don’t understand why a beauty pageant would ever get rid of the bathing suit competition. I do, however, object to these horrible bathing suits. Pink, shiny, saggy butts. Beauty pageants may be outdated and lame but do the bikinis have to be as well? Wouldn’t it be so much better if they all had to wear string bikinis in the pattern of their country’s flag? Of course. This is horrible: 

Miss Netherlands is an ambassador for child prostitution. 

Miss Netherlands is asked what she wants to change for the next generation of girls. Her first sentence is that she’s an ambassador for child prostitution. Audience gasps; everyone’s horrified. Her second sentence is, “I want child prostitution stopped for the next generation.” That is a perfectly acceptable answer even if the first sentence was lost in translation. 

Miss Ukraine takes a stand. 

I can’t find a clip of just this response (watch the full video below) and I’ve looked for seemingly an eternity at this point. No doubt this answer is all over Ukrainian newspapers but, not unlike Miss Ukraine, I can only speak one language. 

I wasn’t a big fan of Miss Ukraine at first. She looks like a mail order bride and kept eyeballing the camera like she’s in heat. I get the feeling that she’s seen some things.

But she won me over with her answer for Ukraine’s contributions to the world. NO she didn’t answer the question exactly, but this answer was political and fiery and almost perfect until the end when she started to realize what she’d done so she brought up children. I hope Miss Ukraine is being kept somewhere safe. 

Miss Jamaica comes out against crime.

This was a dumb answer from a native English speaker. At least Miss Netherlands and Miss Ukraine have an excuse. We, as people of the world, should all end crime together… now? Thousands of years of people doing horrible things to one another and Miss Jamaica has had the answer all along. 

Miss USA’s message to terrorists.

Yes, peace and love is a cliche beauty pageant answer. But this was a bullshit question.

It would have been amazing if she’d gone with a version of the Taken monologue:

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you… I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.

She would lose the pageant but win our hearts. 

Because you probably have nothing better to do, here’s video of the judges’ portion of the Q&A segment. 

And here’s the contestants answering the second question from a viewer. 

You’ll notice that the winner, Miss Colombia, was not featured anywhere on this list. That’s because she was entirely forgettable. Yawn, Miss Colombia.