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The Inaugural Woke All-Star Bracket Challenge

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It was beyond time around here to go ahead and do a Woke All-Star Challenge Sweet 16 bracket to decide which member of this elite group will exit the Identity Politics Final Four with the crown as the wokest woke of 2021. Who has been putting in the work? Who has been on top of his/her game? Which woke wants it more than life itself?

The honor. The street cred. The admiration from peers. The resume material. Who is going to rise to the top and take home the 2021 Woke All-Star Challenge? I know the conundrum you’re in: It’s incredibly hard to send someone home when they all deserve the title, but that’s what makes a competition like this so damn invigorating.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Vegas oddsmakers love USA Today columnist Dan Wolken out of the Toxic Masculinity Region, but look at that fierce competition starting with his former woke coworker Nicole Auerbach. And then you have cop-hater Mark Jones right out of the gate against man-hater Christine Brennan. Talk about heavyweight battles. Normally those are a couple of No. 1 seeds, but not in the Woke All-Star Challenge where there are some incredible heavyweights.

The Nonbinary Region should belong to Pat Forde who shouldn’t have a problem destroying Peter King, but watch out for Domonique Foxworth, who admits his schtick is to “make people mad.” That’s a brutal 2-3 matchup against Karen Rovell who has a similar schtick and pure hatred power from voters. This might not be Foxworth’s year, but give him time at ESPN working on his craft and he’ll make an Identity Politics Final Four, just wait.

Shifting gears to the #MeToo Region, Keith Olbermann is a strong No. 1 seed just based on his level of insanity, but the Vegas oddsmakers absolutely love a Jalen Rose-Maria Taylor regional final. Mike Florio clearly finds himself in the wrong region against a strong opponent. He’s doomed.

And finally, the Gaslight Region features none other than the Queen of Woke and the woke that all other wokes have their eyes on. Jemele Hill struts into the Sweet 16 on an absolute woke tear, but there’s trouble up ahead with a possible showdown against her new boss Dan Le Batard. This would be a Kentucky-Duke-like regional final if these powerhouses can take care of business early. Will Hill comparing the U.S. to Nazi Germany back in August be enough to get her to the Identity Politics Final Four? Stay tuned.

The rules: 

• Twitter voting. We’ll run the polls for 24 hours and determine the Sweet 16 winners.

• The bracket will be updated and we’ll do it again.

• Vote as many times as you’d like. Run voting scripts. Rig it. We don’t care.

• All results are final. Don’t come complaining to us if your favorite woke gets voting script cheated. That’s how it goes.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

53 Comments

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  1. Joe, I’m looking forward to the second round matchup in the gaslighting region. Jemele and Max Kellerman are gonna easily win in the first round I think, and their second round matchup might be one of best in whole tournament. Max has a STRONG gaslighting game. And jemele, of course we know how strong her gaslighting game is, not to mention that Jack Dorsey rigs the algorithms so that every twitterbot imaginable likes Jemeles tweets whenever they relate to race

      • Joe, here is my final four:
        Mark Jones
        Karen Rovell
        Keith Olbermann
        Jemele

        couple of comments: Olbermann is so crazy he could end up in a mental institution before tip-off, thereby ruining my bracket. But when he gets in a zone his twitter rants are like no other. I have to take my chances with him.(and be careful Joe, he might call for your arrest)

        Jemele is gonna win it all. When she gets into the final four, I predict she’ll go with some key tweets from the past. She is a champion gaslighter with a big bag of tricks. she might go with something like “white supremacist cops gave dylan Roof burger king”. Never mind that the cops were doing thier job. never mid that the cops were following procedure and making sure lawyers had no loopholes to say Dylan’s confession was coerced. never mind that because the cops did their job Dylan is now rotting in prison while awaiting execution. Nope, champion gaslighter Jemele calls this white supremacy. (also never mind that black suspects, even more high profile, have been taken into custody and treated similarly. DC sniper for example. anyone remember him?)

  2. I love this idea and would’ve loved seeing that C-bag Joy Reid involved, but unfortunately I can’t lower myself to being a part of the Twitter world, so I’ll just have to watch the festivities and see who wins/loses

  3. A circle jerk of nasty, miserable, arrogant malcontents and whiners. Not a winner in the bunch. *holes and whiners. As long as they stay far away from me, and the mute button is readily available, let them stumble and break wind with Mopey Joe and the rest of the Communist Democrats. America Matters–They do not

  4. There could be a Woke Government Official All-Star challenge too. Think of it as the NIT bracket. AOC, Duckworth, and that clown that said Awoman at the end of that gibberish prayer deserve the recognition/competition!

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