The Five Stages of Southern Male Fall Wedding Grief

“We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that we shall remain inconsolable and will never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else.”
-Sigmund Freud

I always knew watching football on Saturdays in the south was preferable; I just never knew it was non-negotiable. When it resonates with a man in the south that there is something prohibiting him from this day, several things begin to happen. Disconcerting things. Absurd things. Things that make innocent bystanders say,“Wait, did you miss the LSU game, or did Satan himself just call dibs on your firstborn?” because they truly cannot discern between the two events, due to your behavior.

But you know what’s worse to you guys than losing a Football Saturday?

1. Denial: “In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, WHY we should go on.” you immediately laugh nervously and say out loud, “No, no. It can’t be. No one would do such a thing.” You shake your head and put the card aside, chuckling to yourself at your momentary lapse of sanity. “No,” you repeat to no one in particular and a little too loudly, “That’d be crazy.” “Towards the end of the denial stage, you are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade, ushering in reality.”  2. Anger:3. Bargaining/Sheer Desperation:“Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only the situation would be different.”“After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce.”4. Depression:“After bargaining, empty feelings present themselves and grief enters on a deeper level. But, make sure to note that this grief is not a form of mental illness.”5. Acceptance/Savvyness:“This stage is about accepting your reality. We must try to simply survive in this new world. Then, finally, we begin to live again.”