The Bachelorette, Episode 8

Hometowns are my favorite episode of the season. If you drank every time the name “Aaron” was said, well I hope your friends have started a Go Fund Me for your recovery.

First up is Mr. Monotone himself, Chase. I fully expected his family to be completely mute. He comes from a divorced family and apparently it was messy. I feel bad, but this is a total pity rose angle. Chase’s dad comes over to his house to meet JoJo. Chase asks why he and his mom divorced. You’ve had YEARS to ask this question. This is not the time. But honestly, I’m just impressed he’s using words. Next they meet his mother, who seems like a nice lady. Chase has never dropped an “L bomb” before but now thinks he’s ready to get engaged to JoJo. Part of me feels bad for him, but the other part wants a “Chase is going home edit” in my life. I’m so bored.

What if I told you that the contestant who lists his occupation as “former NFL quarterback” was going to take JoJo to his high school to show her his glory days? Well you’re in luck, because that’s exactly what happens, except no pictures of Aaron Rodgers allowed. JoJo really just wants to know what the deal is with Aaron and what kind of reconciliation odds we’re working with here. Jordan word for word tells her, “It’s not something that needs to be brought up.” NOTED. (It should also be noted that the Rodgers’ family house is painted Packers green.) What are the first words out of JoJo’s mouth when she meets the oldest brother Luke? A question about Aaron, which Luke doesn’t actually answer. Sorry JoJo. She’s crushed she didn’t get to meet Aaron and Olivia Munn, which is understandable because you want to get the most out of your 15 minutes on the club appearance circuit.

Next up is our favorite former competitive swimmer, Robby. OF COURSE this clown is from Florida. His hair’s ability to be so shiny and frizz-free in the St. Augustine humidity is truly incredible. In case you forgot, Robby broke up with his ex-girlfriend right before he went on the show, and JoJo is worried she could become a rebound. Homegirl, use your brain. His occupation is listed as “former competitive swimmer.” He ABSOLUTELY broke up with her to come on the show.

He spends this entire date defending himself after his mommy drops the bomb that this mess with his ex has been all over the tabloids. His mom means well, but she needs to mean well with a little less wine. Robby loves JoJo, JoJo doesn’t want to be the rebound, and JoJo is just like SO confused. I would assume because she’s forgotten she was in love with Ben just three short months ago. It should also be noted that JoJo is essentially a twin of Robby’s ex-girlfriend…..but that’s none of my business.

Now let’s watch Luke audition to be the next Bachelor on this little visit to the great state! Luke wants JoJo to know that he is friends with the entire town and takes her to a BBQ–definitely not a cookout– with fifty of his closest friends and family. This group includes the Shipley boys rocking Yeti hats, because everybody needs a Yeti, bro. Jordan Shipley is a former NFL player. So basically if you want your sons to play in the NFL you should name them Jordan. The highlight of this little hoedown is Luke’s dad getting emotional talking about love. It was sweet.

Luke stages a sunset walk to flower petals in the shape of a heart with a Dan and Shay chart topper playing. This is called the “next bachelor” edit. What does Luke not do? Say, “I love you.”  It’s at this point I’m wishing I was watching the RNC instead.

There’s FINALLY some drama when Luke decides to call a T.O. before JoJo hands out roses. Talk about being able to read a room, Luke! Solid editing by ABC though. Luke says I love you, which sends JoJo into complete and total sobbing girl meltdown. The episode ends with a to be continued and now I’ll get to write two recaps next week. How lucky am I? You can follow along @MattieLouOKTC. Just know that if they don’t fly out of this airport hangar leaving Chase behind like Olivia on the island, I will riot.