HEY GUYS, DO NOT TRY TO MEASURE THE LENGTH OF YOUR PENIS BY STICKING A USB CORD UP YOUR PEE HOLE! In a case detailed in the upcoming November 2021 edition of Urology Case Reports, a 15-year-old self-inserted a USB wire into his “proximal urethra” (the pee hole!) and ended up needing a “peno-scrotal urethrostomy” performed to get that bad boy out of there.
OK, deep breaths. I know this has you convulsing. I know you’re getting nauseous, but it’s very important that we dump out all the uncomfortable details so parents can have a discussion with their boys.
“HEY, DON’T BE A MORON THIS WEEKEND. DON’T GO STICKING A USB CORD UP YOUR PEE HOLE TO MEASURE THE LENGTH OF YOUR PENIS.”
Yeah, the boys are going to laugh, but they won’t be laughing when urologist Dr. Richard Tapper (seriously, he’s an Ohio urologist) is yanking the head of that USB back out the pee hole.
Here’s where things get real uncomfortable. Urology Case Reports paints the picture of how that cord was removed:
A longitudinal peno-scrotal incision over the palpable foreign body was made and careful dissection was undertaken through deeper tissues, splitting the bulbospongiosus muscle. The knotted cable was revealed in the proximal aspect of the penile urethra and cut from the remainder of the cord. Both ends of the wire were pulled out successfully through the external urethral meatus (Fig. 2). The urethra was closed with interrupted sutures and a urethral catheter was inserted. His recovery was uneventful, and he was discharged the following day with simple analgesia, oral antibiotics, and the urethral and suprapubic catheters in situ.
Are you guys still with me? Anyone pass out after reading that paragraph of pain? Zero chance you read every word without getting queasy.
Doctors say the boy came back two weeks after the surgery to have a checkup and the catheter was removed, but the boy isn’t out of the woods just yet. Doctors note “ongoing follow-up is required to monitor for any long-term damage.”
Those sex-ed classes 9th graders have to sit through should include five minutes on not inserting USB cables up their pee holes. The minute you don’t teach this stuff is the minute some 15-year-old decides he’s going to get out his TV cable instead of a tape measure.
Life is already hard enough. The last thing these teens need is to end up the focus of a Urology Case Report or in the office of Dr. Richard Tapper.