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There’s something about getting plants in the ground & celebrating with garage beers

If I were to rate it on a scale of 1-to-10 with 10 being the perfect night, I’d rate Saturday a 7.5. It was a little windy and hooded sweatshirt weather, but it was above-average based on the fact that I planted eight boxwoods to replace the four sticker bushes that had become a major pain the ass and hand when the stickers kept going through leather gloves. I finished my day, cracked open a few Busch Lights and went into observation mode. That means multiple trips out to the sidewalk to get a proper observation viewpoint to make sure things were balanced correctly. My wife is beyond wondering why I need to do so many sidewalk observations.

What’s next? Where do I take the front landscaping from here? It’ll take 15 years for those boxwoods to reach full maturity, so now is the time to take some chances. Do I bring in some beefy river boulders to add some muscle? Would it be smart to beefy boulder multiple spots and then unleash some flowering ground cover to spill over the boulders? That’s where my brain was going Saturday night as the sun was going down. The Busch Lights were tasting extra refreshing, and my mind starting telling me it’s time to make a trip back out to the rock store. You guys know I’m a rock store degenerate.

My big concern is that I’ll get to the rock store and fall in love with a boulder that’s going to be a bear to wrestle around with in the yard. The solution just might be a beer day with the guys: a couple of neighbors, a case of beer, food, and rocks. In other words, a suburban middle-aged dad dream day. Maybe we rent some sort of heavy machinery like a walk-behind Dingo. I’m talking about a day middle-aged dads talk about for years to come. Stay tuned.

• Are flip phones about to make a major comeback? Apple is prepared to bring a foldable phone to the marketplace. This sounds like Apple trying to win over my dad and snag him away from the old-school phone market.

• The Bears are still calling Andy Dalton the team’s starter. Prepare yourself for the debate shows — even though you don’t watch that nonsense — to hammer people over the head with Justin Fields debate topics for the next four months.

• Think for a second about the quarterbacks Tom Brady faced in the AFC East for two decades. Now think about the quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers has faced in the NFC North. This year: Kirk Cousins, Jared Goff and Justin Fields. I’m not sure how drama queen Rodgers opts out of that scenario, but the guy is filled with constant drama so anything is possible at this point. Remember, this guy got engaged to a woman, yet he’d never been publicly spotted with her.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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  2. Joe-
    Your yardwork/landscaping stories certainly resonate with me. This spring I just completed a 2 year project of digging up those prickly bushes (which was a pain in the ass) and replaced them with something less violent (some boxwoods, some “whipcords”, some Zebra Grass). Those prickly bushes were a problem all year. Not just from trimming them during the season, but every time Halloween decorations or Christmas lights had to go on or off, I need to perform surgery to get thorns out of my fingers (even with the “best” gloves I could find). I look forward to the future!

  3. Your 15 year comment reminds me of the saying, “The true mark of an unselfish man is to plant trees whose shade he may never sit in”. Something like that. But, I’m sure you will be around for the fruits of your labor!!

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