Earlier today Outkick the Coverage brought you the Steeplechase catfight.
Almost immediately, our servers buckled as you all rushed to view the video.
Since then y’all have inundated my Twitter feed with commentary. I don’t remember the last time I laughed this much at your Tweets. Slowly, like a modern day version of the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew put together, we’ve all put on our thinking caps to decipher this caper.
First we found out that Vanderbilt center Joe Townsend, the heretofore anonymous man carrying a football as he broke up a catfight, was a hero. That’s him pictured above via a Tweet sent to me from teammate Walker May — “The catfight hero himself. Honored to be in his presence today.”
Later we found out that a spontaneous USA chant had broken out, and that there appeared to a mysterious filmer who never moved as he leaned up against a truck in rolled up khakis boat shoes, the Steeplechase catfight’s own mysterious grassy knoll.
Well, a few minutes ago the grassy knoller/truck leaner emailed.
“Despite your observation I was quite comfortable posted up like captain Morgan on the truck,” he wrote.
He attached two film clips, which much like the discovery of the Rosetta Stone, completely expands and reimagines our comprehension of what we thought we knew.
Now the Steeplechase catfight has the definitive director’s cut that even Akira Kurosawa would be proud of.
Behold, Nashville’s own Rashomon.
The Steeplechase Cat Fight, director’s edition.
It appears that the pantieless combatant from the first video was initially a peacemaker.
Until, like a tiger unleashed from a cage wearing cowboy boots, she suddenly storms the tent area.
The hat toss is completely and totally absurd.
And perfect for a Steeplechase catfight.
There are so many voices here it’s hard to know exactly what’s being said, but if someone breaks out the audio to this I feel like it would be exquisite, nearly as powerful as the first time Edison placed a phone call. Only featuring Southern girls wearing sundresses without underwear who are fighting at a charity horse race.
Was the pink shirted man who was later punched three times actually breaking up the fight, or was he prolonging it?
Were we too quick to cast aspersions upon our newest hero, the man who didn’t move at all even as the catfight raged around him? While others clamored for his email address so they could have their own copy of his work of art, did he flinch? Did he buckle? Did he make any mistakes at all other than failing to turn his phone lengthwise?
It takes a crisis for heroes to emerge.
And when the Nashville catfight needed heroes?
We found them.
They came holding footballs in their right arms — ball security! — and wearing boat shoes leaning up against trucks.
Some people say those that stormed the beaches of Normandy and freed a continent from a mad man represent America’s greatest generation.
I say — hogwash.
Because this generation watched girls without underwear fight in sundresses at a charity horse race.
Beat that boys of Pointe du Hoc.
(Props to commenter Richard Cox III, his real name, for being the first person to note that the truck leaning guy was filming all along.)
“Awkward leaning guy on the King Ranch truck is clearly videotaping the affair on his iPhone…you can’t tell until the pink dress girl starts mumbling about her limo, and then he turns just the phone with his right hand to capture the interaction with the Fuzz.”
What’s next? One of the catfighters has now emailed to tell her side of the story.