Rockies Finally Snap A Horrific Streak, A Phillies Fan Lost His Gator, And An OutKick Reader Wrote A Song
Let’s face it, there are a lot of stories that come from the MLB in any given week, and for the casual fan, it’s a chore to keep track of what's going on in the sport.
Heck, just this past week, we’ve seen the Chicago White Sox lose an incredible number of games, Elly De La Cruz going sicko mode pretty much every night, and a Yastrzemski hitting a home run at Fenway Park (not Carl, but his grandson, Mike).
But all of these headlines are fairly standard. They're nothing new, exciting, fun, quirky - which is the stuff that makes for great reading.
That’s where I come in.
In OutKick's new weekly baseball column "Touch ‘Em All," I’m going to do just that - cover all the eccentric, unusual, and bizarre stories that unfold in the MLB on any given week. I want to bring color and flavor to the best sports league in America, heck, the world, and help maintain your love for the old ball game.
The best part? You can help with this too. If you see something as unorthodox as Shohei Ohtani’s contract, email it to me at john.simmons@outkick.com, and it could be in one of these columns. Share your thoughts and observations on the state of baseball. Tell me stories about your experiences at ballparks. Talk ball.
So without further ado, let’s touch ‘em all.
The 2024 Colorado Rockies Ended A Historically Bad Streak Friday Night
As I said above, the White Sox are so bad, they are in sole possession of the worst record in the MLB. Through 32 games, they’ve won just six. Talk about a soul-sucking and borderline depressing reality for players and fans.
But the Colorado Rockies are sure trying their hardest to take Chicago’s spot in the league’s cellar.
Sure, the Rockies have more wins than the White Sox - eight, look out NL West! But they’ve done something historically significant - for all the wrong reasons - in the process.
On Tuesday, they lost to the Miami Marlins, 7-6, in 10 innings. That marked the 29th straight game to start the season that Colorado had trailed at some point in a matchup, an MLB record. That insane stretch ended up reaching 31 consecutive games.
"Awful" doesn’t seem to do justice to that start. It seems like they're purposefully trying to lose as many games as possible. I’m shocked they’ve won eight games at this rate.
The last time that a team had a start anywhere near as bad was in 1910, when the St. Louis Browns (who don’t exist anymore) trailed in 28 straight games.
To put in perspective just how long it’s been since a team has stunk as badly as the Rockies, in 1910:
- World War I hadn’t started
- You could buy a Model T Ford for roughly $850
- The United States of America consisted of 46 states
So yeah, Colorado might not have the worst record in the MLB at the moment, but they’ve made up for it by being historically bad.
The Rockies finally ended that historic streak last night, after not trailing the Pittsburgh Pirates in a 3-2 win. At long last, Colorado has that monkey off its back.
However, if that's your biggest bright spot through the first month of baseball, that proves your team is in bad shape. 2024 can't end soon enough for Colorado.
The Minnesota Twins Can Thank A Home Run Sausage For Turning Their Season Around
Unlike Colorado, the Minnesota Twins have found a way to course-correct after their own dreadful start to the season.
After opening the year at 6-12, the Twins have won 11 straight and 12 out of their last 13. They are the hottest team in baseball, and at 18-13, they are just 1 ½ games out of the lead in a surprisingly packed AL Central.
I pity my Boston Red Sox, who have to face them in a three-game series this weekend.
What was the inspiration for this insane turnaround?
It wasn’t a motivational speech by manager Rocco Baldelli, or a wild shakeup in the lineup.
The Twins can thank a lucky home run sausage for injecting some life in their season.
Wait, what?
Within the past couple of weeks, infielder Kyle Farmer had put a sausage on the table of the clubhouse for someone to eat, since he didn’t want it.
When no one came to claim it (are we really surprised no one wanted a random sausage on a table?) hitting coach David Popkins put it in the dugout. That gave catcher Ryan Jeffers the brilliant idea of throwing it at teammates after home runs.
While that might seem weird, it’s worked wonders for the Twins, so much so that Baldelli is ignoring the fact that it’s likely chemically hazardous at this point to keep the winning ways rolling for the Twins.
In this league, you gotta do what works. And if carrying a lucky sausage around with you does the job, then that’s what you’ve got to do. Just, please don’t open the package. That would unleash an unfathomable stench that would smell worse than the Rockies’ start to the season.
Someone Stole A Phillies Fan's Emotional Support Alligator
Joie Henney has been able to fight depression for nearly a decade thanks to an unlikely source.
The Jonestown, PA native has an emotional support pet named Wally. While you might think he's a dog or a cat, Wally is actually an alligator. You might say that's a little strange, but if it works, it works!
Wally made waves on the internet when Henney tried to bring him to a Philadelphia Phillies game last September. Thanks to some idiotic rule about Gators not being allowed in Citizens Bank Park, he couldn't go in.
But that atrocity is nothing compared to what happened this past week.
While on vacation in Georgia, some thieves allegedly stole Wally from his outdoor crate, called local authorities, and had him released into the wild.
Frankly, I don't know what kind of monster you'd have to be to steal an alligator of all things from someone else. But on top of that, you steal a guy's source of emotional support?
That's atrocious on every level. I guess Georgia citizens are taking their hatred of Gators from a college football rivalry to real life.
We need to do whatever is possible to get Wally back. Call the National Guard, Navy SEALs, the FBI, I don't care. Wally needs rescuing, and Henney needs his friend back.
Cubs Fan Shares A Song He Wrote
I mentioned above that I’d love it if you, our beloved readers, sent me stuff you think could be a good addition to this column. I’m happy to say that one of our readers has already done just that.
Longtime Chicago Cubs fan George read our coverage of the Cubs-Red Sox Sunday Night Baseball game, which saw a fan get whacked with a bat in the stands. That prompted him to share a song he wrote himself about his favorite team.
Titled "Cubs Win!" and released in 2015, this tune is actually a banger.
Unfortunately, the Cubs did not win on Sunday (which I’m sure soured George’s evening). But they’re on a tear thus far, so I’m sure he’ll be playing that song quite a bit as the season progresses.
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That’s it for the first edition of "Touch ‘Em All." Did I knock it out of the park with my coverage, or was it as bad as an Angel Hernandez strike zone? Send me any thoughts, stories, or comments you have to john.simmons@outkick.com and I’ll make sure I respond.