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Sofia Bevarly Appears Ready For Spring Break, Drama Queen Aaron Rodgers Resurfaces & A Wild Hockey Bench Fracas

Hey Dunkin’, where are the lemons?

I know 99.7% of you hate Facebook and have deleted the social media app because it’s a disgusting place full of people you actually can’t stand and didn’t stay in contact with after high school for a reason. But then out of nowhere, you get gems like moms trying to figure out why they can’t get lemons in their iced tea at Dunkin’.

Brian L. writes:

Don’t know how it is in your neck of the woods, but apparently, Dunkin’ stopped putting lemons in its iced tea.

Needless to say, the soccer and dance moms around Northeast Pennsylvania are in a tizzy.

Luckily, friends were at the ready to offer lemon-substitutes, but I won’t be surprised if I start seeing cars infiltrated with fruit flies come the spring thaw thanks to bags of rotting lemons in some SUV’s or minivan’s trunk.

Just thought you would enjoy the reaction to this news. Maybe you can ‘squeeze’ it into Screencaps this week to see if this is a nationwide issue.

####

From my experience in the iced tea world, I can say that Chick-fil-A stopped putting lemons in drinks and I’m pretty sure Wendy’s did as well. I seem to remember these places claiming at the beginning of the ‘VID it was because of the ‘VID and how they weren’t touching any food and they believed the ‘VID would transfer from the worker’s hand to the lemon and then infiltrate the drink and then kill off whoever bought it.

I think that was the belief. Maybe one of you can address that.

Look, it’s time to bring back the lemons. This is clearly a way to squeeze more profit out of a fast-food business by eliminating lemons from the delivery truck. And it’s wrong. Now I know the lemons are supposed to be some of the most disgusting items at fast-food places because they sit there all day collecting germs and whatnot, but think of all the people who didn’t die from lemons before lemons were eliminated.

Were fast-food lemons even on Fauc-dogg’s radar? These lemons are perfectly fine to squeeze into drinks. Have you looked at Mike T. and Cindy T.’s photos from Mexico? People down there are squeezing all sorts of stuff into drinks. Yes, you don’t want to consume the ice unless you want to get on a new diet plan, but Mike T. is using those limes with zero problems.

BRING BACK THE LEMONS!

####

• By the way, in 2015, Chick-fil-A estimated it went through 250 million lemons each year to make its lemonade. I think these places can spare a wedge for Mary Alice and her fellow iced tea lemon fans.

• Mark W. writes:

Can’t think of a single sport for which I would make this sacrifice! TWICE!!

https://www.outkick.com/snowballs-incoming-finnish-olympic-skier-needed-heat-pack-for-frozen-man-part/

####

The story is on how this Finnish skier suffered from a frozen penis – AGAIN. It keeps happening to this guy. I would sacrifice quite a bit to continue to suck at golf, but I’m not sticking with it over a frozen penis. I watch these videos of people jumping into frozen lakes to create content and I find myself not looking for the rush of the ‘Likes’ like these maniacs.

Now, let’s get some real answers on how to solve this problem in a real emergency.

####

There you have it. In extreme circumstances, you can ask your buddy to pee on your frozen penis. I know you didn’t expect Screencaps to go down this road today, but that’s why you keep visiting because we address everything around here: Mowing, happiness, cars, frozen penises.

• Jacob S. writes:

Fake spring is here and we made it to the course yesterday here in southern Indiana. My golf group is pretty spread out by skill and experience. We have a couple guys that have been playing 4-5 years, they can touch 105 some days and get into lower 80s as well. Some are newer to the game and just come to drill beers and the competitive banter, myself and another have played for a long time and on good days can shoot low 70s but realistically are about 5 handicaps.

Anyway on with the story, we chopped up teams pretty even. $20 bets are thrown out every which direction and we play a team game where we just take combined team scores. That way everyone can play their own ball the whole time and we can bet individually. Fast-forwarding 40 beers, 17 holes, a club thrown in a pond, and chasing geese on the golf carts.

We get to the 18th hole and our team is down one, we’ve all played fairly poorly, but it was our first showing this year. 18th green comes up and we have the advantage but we’re still down one. 3 out of 4 of us have tap-ins around the hole and one of the guys who can shoot 105 or low 80s has a 20ft for double bogey to tie it up for us. In dramatic fashion, he rams it in the back of the cup and gives the finger guns, and forgets about the other 17 holes that led us here and him to a 110. Our team is hooting and hollering excited, other team is trying to bring up some hole on the front 9 where clutch the putting buddy dropped a ball out and didn’t take a penalty. We conclude that we’re tied.

So here we go, one buddy wants to do a putt-off, his wife was probably texting him telling him to get home, one buddy wants to do a team chug-off, he’s the only one who hasn’t outgrown that, but the course isn’t too busy so we roll onto 1 for the 19th hole.

Onto my question, if playing the 19th hole isn’t an option what do you or screencap readers do? I don’t think anyone with much competitive nature would let the end result be a tie, that’s certainly not our style. What ways have you resolved a tie in golf or elsewhere?

####

That’s a very interesting question from Jacob. I’m having trouble coming up with an answer to this one because I typically lose all my golf bets, but I have a feeling there are readers that have interesting solutions to this problem.

I threw this one out to my text group and I’m told that a putt-off is common. I could see a hockey shootout scenario working, but I’ll need a real golf expert to paint the picture better than I ever could. I’m the D-player in the cart just looking to crush Busch Lights and get home to the recliner.

I know one of you can help Jacob.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

• Eddie from Acworth had a really tough weekend. Hang in there, Eddie.

Since readers are starting to post more about their dogs, I thought I would share about my dog as well.  Unfortunately, we lost our little girl Mojo (named after the American Ninja Warrior girl) this weekend-she was 14 and the only pet my wife and three boys have ever had. 

It is really tough losing a pet after so many years. I will add that having a smaller dog like this says nothing about one’s “manhood.”  She was truly an awesome dog-and we will miss her a ton.  You sign up for this when you get a pet-the day of saying goodbye is coming-but you cannot prepare yourself for how truly sad you feel when that awful day arrives.  Hug your pets and enjoy them while you can.

####

RIP, Mojo. You clearly led a great life.

• And we close it down today with light at the end of the tunnel — the Pacific Ocean — with Mike T. and Cindy T. as they continue their Mexican adventure. Mike tells me that he knows very little Spanish, but “find I can communicate very well by listening to what people are saying to me, and money always helps!”

Mike adds that Google Translate works well in a pinch.

 ####

Have a great day out there across this great country and around the world. Don’t forget to send Screencaps to all your friends who need to start their day with the best damn daily column on the Internet.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Numbers from :

https://twitter.com/RussGRNnWhite/status/1494783782813007872

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

2 Comments

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  1. Adonis Lattimore, you are the man! Unbelievable. What a great example of what you can accomplish if you have the desire. He’s probably never taken a mental health day in his life. This is the person you want your kids to emulate, not some actor, influencer, singer, etc.

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