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Salma Hayek Goes Diving, Buffalo Grocery Store Pulls KC Masterpiece & Titans Try To Stop Bengals Fans

Last night, I ended up around a bunch of Bourbon Bros®

There I was at a pop-up birthday party/Bourbon Bros® meetup at a local joint owned by ‘Great American’ George, whose Greek father opened a chain of Coney Island restaurants in this area.

I’d never been to a Bourbon Bros® meetup, so I didn’t know what to expect. I like all the guys who were attending and I’ve shared many nights of drinking with them over the years, but this was different. This was a bourbon-tasting night.

Would I be dressed nice enough? Would my four-day stubble be long enough to fit in? Would I know enough lingo to hang with these former IPA Mafia members who converted into Bourbon Bros® in late 2020 and especially in 2021 when there was an explosion of American men who were suddenly experts in bourbon barrels and how to perfectly waft the bourbon notes up their nostrils?

It turns out these Bourbon Bros® meetups are what I picture Tupperware parties were like back in the 1980s. In this case, a group of men sit around, talk about how bourbon is changing their lives and they mix in a little bit of hunting lodge talk. There are tales of big scores at liquor stores. There are tales of receiving bourbon tasting charts for Christmas. And lessons on how to properly taste the bourbon.

The elitism was palpable.

I was peer pressured into a single pour of Colonel E.H. Taylor red label, which I’m told is a very nice bottle to score these days. I was told to concentrate on the oak and dried fruit notes that give way to the salted caramel, butterscotch and orange, which should linger on the palate. My head was spinning with all the rules and regulations to drinking a single pour.

All I could think of was less elitism and more Busch Lights in the garage. Truth be told, I would’ve rather been mowing.

But I wanted to fit in, so I eased the bourbon down my throat to make sure the orange lingered. I listened to more bottle-scoring tales and even had a bowl of Greek-American chili — with beans.

It turns out that I’m not cut out for the Bourbon Bros® meetups. I’m not a complete dullard who doesn’t respect American booze production, but this whole scene created by the Bourbon Bros® is so over the top and unsustainable. I give it 3-4 years before this flames out and the elite drinking mob moves on to its next target.

Until then, us normal guys must stick together and refuse to be sucked into this life of $300 bottles of booze that barely taste different from the $50 bottles of booze. Don’t let yourself fall for it.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

• Ron M. in Lake Oswego, Oregon (suburban Portland) gets things rolling with advice for my car search that’s been a hot topic this week:

Hands down the best vehicle we have owned is our Honda Odyssey Minivan.  Comfortable, versatile, powerful, and so on. We can carry 8 people and luggage for a weekend outing (bikes too on a mount off the trailer hitch). We can tow up to 4K lbs as well.  We use it for Uber as well and it gives us the ability to drive three different levels of passengers. 

Out here in the Portland Metro I would say it is the most popular vehicle for families. Every time I go to Costco there are ALWAYS 3-5 other Odysseys parked within 25 yards of me. 

Did I mention the G6 Honda engine? It easily gets you to triple digits speed wise and around town I average 25mpg. Combined 30ish, and freeway 35+.

The bad news is inflation and supply chain. My friend, who runs a Ford Dealership, days ALL used vehicles are running 40% over KBB list price. It is just freaking stupid. He also warns there is no relief on the horizon.

Finally Chili… When I am in my “Cordon Bleu” mindset then it is No Beans, meat hand-cut, yadda yadda yadda. When it is dinner for the family and leftovers for the freezer then my mindset is 3lb Ground Turkey “log”; Bear Creek Chili mix (soup aisle in store); chicken stock and so on.

Keep it all going great.

• Chris B. in Texas would like a word with the minivan supporters:

Goodness gracious, I can’t believe all the recommendations for a minivan, Ridgeline & Camry. You should have been more clear that you were shopping for you & not your wife! I think the advice to keep your current car rolling for a little longer is solid advice. With this damn chip shortage now is just a bad time to buy a car – they’re all over priced because there are just not enough out there.

I don’t know when it will get better, but surely the auto industry is going to figure out how to get more product to market sooner than later. My advice is to take your sweet time figuring out what you want in hopes that the industry as a whole will get better later this year.

• Bill H. would like to have a word with me:

Why did you go there?

Out here in FOC (fly-over country) we have an endearing term for those lifted, (computer) chipped, big 26″ rims ‘n tars, headers with no cats, dual exhaust half-ton and larger pickup owners: The bigger the truck, the smaller the schlong. This predates Covid-shrinkage and has been an epidemic out in these parts for decades. Bless their hearts.

I think Malik McDowell’s defense should be that he was practicing a naked bootleg… without his team.

• Stuart H. writes:

Long-time reader, first-time writer.  I have been following you from the beginning, and even have transitioned my weekly mowing rituals to coincide with the Thursday Night Mowing League.  I didn’t have anything close to the material the other folks sent in, but I was mowing with all of you. 

Your picture of Nacogdoches, TX in the 1/19 screencaps sent chills down my back when I saw it.  I was born and raised in Nacogdoches, but have been living in Maryland for over 20 years now.  That picture you posted was taken somehow from the exact position my father’s office was on when I was growing up in the 80s (but the 1980s). 

Not sure what the photographer was standing on, but the building my father’s office was in wasn’t built yet!  I immediately copied it and sent it to my Dad which gave us both the time to talk and reflect on all those memories of his radio stations and me running in and out of those booths listening to 80s pop and country.

Thanks for what you are doing, it is so much fun to read and know that there are folks out there that just enjoy working and living life.  Before screencaps started I had made a sign for my shed that I think perfectly describes the folks you are reaching  It reads:

That you also aspire to lead a quiet life. To mind your own business. And work with your own hands

It is scripture, 1 Thess 4:11, and it is a great description of your following!

• Mike T. in Idaho’s Mexican vacation rolls along (he’s going to be down there awhile so buckle up if you’re easily triggered by authentic Mexican tacos) and you’ll never guess what he was up to on Wednesday:

Greetings brother,

Today’s tacos are from an old-school El Pastor taco place, Pepe’s! Solid tacos, not the best salsas, but still delicious and remarkably inexpensive. Twenty dollars for 4 beers, dinner for three!

####

I did ask Mike about the drug cartels and if they’re bothering the tourists. He wants to clear the air and make sure Screencaps readers know that the cartels are only killing each other. There’s nothing to worry about.

Cartels don’t bother the gringos, but they will kill each other. Mostly very late at night last year 2 killed here in Vallarta, both from Guadalajara. Right across the street at 4:00 at a nightclub, that was closed, to the public

And in Mazatlan, which is Chapo’s home turf one killed last year, soldier in cartel, screwing his bosses wife, a sure way to die in the drug business. Again, the cartel could not care less about you and I, they kill each other! 

• Arthur in Atlanta has a report on how his Gauntlet league ended. You’re darn right I’m happy to get reports like this:

Sorry I’m a bit late with this, but I wanted to thank you & the Screencaps community for the suggestion on the Gauntlet pool. I ran one this fall with some neighborhood buddies plus my brother, and amazingly, it came right down to that final, incredible Raiders-Chargers SNF game.

My friend Geoff & I had separated ourselves from the pack a few weeks ago (I went on an unbelievable 14-0 run over a 4-week period down the stretch to catch him), and heading into the SNF game I was still 1 win ahead. However, Geoff still had the Raiders, and after they won in the most dramatic way possible, we ended up tied at the top of the standings. We forgot to set a tiebreaker before the season started (besides a half-hearted joke about a 40-yard dash that would likely have resulted in at least one pulled hammy), so we split the $1,200 season pot down the middle.

A lot of fun and a great way for a bunch of guys in Georgia who are bigger fans of college football (How ’bout them national champion Dawgs?!) to make the NFL season more exciting.

• I received an email from a marketing rep in charge of the Emmitt Smith memorabilia auction taking place on eBay and something quickly caught my eye from the stuff Emmitt has put up for auction.

Emmitt’s selling game-used pants from the 2002 season.

Why is this important? Because as the owner of Cam Newton’s BCS game-used pants (I had Cam autograph them at a Gatorade event a few years ago…that’s a story for another day), I love when more game-used pants hit the auction market. I paid $1,525 for Cam’s pants back in 2011 and was called a complete moron, a bad businessman, etc., etc.

Yes, I could’ve dumped that $1,500 into Amazon stock and it would’ve been worth approximately $16,000 or so today. But it wouldn’t have led to so much fun over the years.

You guys might remember when Playmate Jaime Edmondson offered to get in those pants for a photoshoot. So we did it. That’s right, I turned those pants into content, which turned into millions of clicks, all sorts of media attention, and fun along the way. Amazon stock might’ve led me to a few nice trips in 2022, but nothing will equal the entertainment I’ve had by owning those pants.

And I can still sell them and take my wife on a nice trip.

• And with that, let’s get the day rolling. It’s going to be yet another busy one with all sorts of stuff on my plate.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

2 Comments

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  1. My friend’s Grandpa had the classic liquor cabinet, back in the day. Of course we snuck a taste or 2. All I remember is how much it burned, and how much it reminded me of gasoline. 50 years later….still burns, still tastes like gasoline. $5000 bottle, or $50 bottle. I could never tell the difference. It was all horrible tasting to me. Beer or margaritas please.

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