The Republican debate on Fox News Thursday night is must see television. Whether you’re a republican, a democrat, or have no real interest in either political party, great television is great television.
You have to watch this debate.
Anything could happen.
The only thing that can make this debate better is an Outkick drinking game.
With that in mind, here are 17 rules for the debate:
1. Every time Donald Trump refers to his wealth, business acumen, or the stupidity of other politicians drink.
This is probably enough to get you drunk by itself.
2. Each time Obama’s name — or Obamacare — is mentioned, drink.
Even though he is Constitutionally unable to run Obama is the 11th candidate on this stage.
3. Jeb Bush is going to be the Republican nominee.
He’s also married to a Hispanic woman, if Jeb Bush mentions his wife or how he met her in Mexico, drink.
4. Ben Carson, who owes his entire candidacy to the fact that he’s a black man who doesn’t like Obama, is a retired neurosurgeon.
When doctors run for political office, they always have to remind us that they are doctors. Any time Ben Carson mentions being a doctor, drink.
5. Marco Rubio is Hispanic and his family is from Cuba.
When Marco Rubio mentions he’s Hispanic or his family is from Cuba, drink.
If Rubio goes a step further and holds up a sign saying, “Hey, dipshits, there aren’t enough white people to elect you by themselves any longer,” finish your drinks.
6. Mike Huckabee has gone from the nice pastor you used to like when you were a kid to the creepily religious guy.
When Mike Huckabee says something creepily religious, drink.
7. John Kasich is the governor of Ohio which means he’s going to be Jeb Bush’s vice presidential nominee.
But we all have to pretend like there is lots of suspense in who will end up on the Republican ticket. So every time Kasich says Ohio, drink.
8. Drink when the following are mentioned: Hillary Clinton, Benghazi, or Hillary’s emails.
If Donald Trump calls Hillary a bitch, which wouldn’t shock me at all and would probably cause him to rise in the Republican primary polls, finish your drink.
9. Every time planned parenthood is mentioned, drink.
If it’s coupled with a plea to end abortion, drink anew and pray for an awkward follow up question, “So (insert candidate here) if your 14 year old daughter got pregnant, you’d want the government to insist she keep the baby?”
10. Whenever Iran, Russia, or China are mentioned and a candidate promises to “get tough” with them, drink.
If Megyn Kelly rolls her eyes and follows up with this question, “By ‘get tough’ what do you actually mean?” do a shot.
11. When Chris Christie says something like, “I’m blunt, I just tell it like it is,” while not being blunt or telling it like it is, drink.
If he mentions Bruce Springsteen, do a shot.
12. When Ronald Reagan is mentioned, drink.
The Republican obsession with Ronald Reagan went way past creepy a long time ago.
13. Every time a crazy ass immigration suggestion is made — like an electric fence on the border — drink.
Republicans lose their collective minds when it comes to immigration.
14. Drink when Ted Cruz talks about his father coming to America with money sewn into his underwear.
Also, I hate to be that guy, but will someone just tell Ted Cruz he looks and acts way too much like an asshole to ever be President?
15. When Rand Paul talks about drones, drink.
If Rand Paul talks about marijuana being legalized, do a shot.
16. Scott Walker fought the unions in Wisconsin.
When Scott Walker mentions that he fought the unions in Wisconsin, drink.
17. Everyone wants to make America great again.
When any candidate promises to make America great, or restoring America to greatness, or America is promised to be made better after eight years of awful leadership, drink.