Reports: Chinese Rocket Re-enters Earth’s Atmosphere

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There’s an initial report out about the 10-story, 23-ton Chinese rocket that has been threatening to descend through the earth’s atmosphere, with debris landing “somewhere” on our planet.

The bad news? That report is coming from China, the same folks who gave us “Virus? What virus?”

The good news? It likely didn’t land on your house.

According to “The remnants of China’s rogue Long March 5B rocket reportedly landed in the Indian Ocean on Sunday — late Saturday night Eastern U.S. time — after its uncontrolled descent was tracked around the world over the past week.

“Reuters reported the landing, citing information from the Chinese government.

“In addition, U.S. Space Command retweeted a post by, indicating the rocket debris had landed.”

They can track a rocket crashing to earth, but they’re worried about bandwidth? OK.

So now that it’s over, what did everyone do to get ready for a rocket not to lend on them? Outkick’s own Joe Kinsey had the right idea when he wrote:

Let’s not get too crazy — your odds of being obliterated this weekend by the rocket sit at 1 in 31 quintillion — and rush out to buy cinder blocks to build bunkers causing the cinder block industry to jack up prices. Lowe’s cinder blocks aren’t saving you from this bad boy. A better way to handle this possible death by 10-story rocket event is to have a patio party. Vodka bomb pops. Fire up the grill. Keep an eye on the sky. Party it up.

Honestly, this might be one of the most incredible ways to go out. You’re with friends crushing vodka bomb pops, listening to Yacht Rock and inhaling ribs when out of nowhere Xi Jinping’s rogue Long March 5B somehow targets your patio party.

Folks, that’s your sign that it was time to exit Earth and head on over to Heaven. And those who are seeking their 15 minutes of Google search fame would go down in history. You’re never exiting Google search after a 10-story, 23-ton rocket takes you out. Street cred for days.

The odds are absolutely insane of this rocket getting anywhere near you.

As usual, turns out Joe was right all along. Save a vodka bomb pop for us.

Written by Sam Amico

Sam Amico spent 15 years covering the NBA for Sports Illustrated, FOX Sports and, along with a few other spots, and currently runs his own basketball website on the side,


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  1. Would be nice if someone gathered up all the wreckage and dumped it on the beach in Shanghai with a cleanup fee invoice attached. “Dear Xii, You lost one of your crappy rockets. Here you go. We accept cash or card.”

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