It’s finally here. As of July 1, college athletes are now able to capitalize off their name, image and likeness (also known as NIL, for those who have been living under a rock.) The NCAA has officially caved, and there’s no turning back now. College football is about to become the Wild Wild West.
I hope you’re all buckled up, folks.
While everyone else is breaking down what all this means for the schools, recruiting, competitive advantages and all that other nonsense, I’m here to play matchmaker. In fact, for the rest of this article, you’re going to have your very own personal Dave Hull.
I’m giving various big-named companies a cheat sheet on exactly which college football players they should be targeting to represent their brand. And we aren’t taking the easy way out here. Sure, there are some obvious connections — Kool-Aid McKinstry, Yo’Heinz Tyler, etc. — but those are too easy. We’re diving deeper.
DeColdest Crawford, WR, LSU Commit
Brand: Coors Light
Let me explain: Sure, he’s still a high school recruit, but I’m all aboard the NIL thing at this point. Hell, why stop at college athletes? Let’s pay high school players too. Coors Light is always trying to tell us how cold they are, and who better to deliver that message than DeColdest himself?
Smoke Monday, S, Auburn
Let me explain: We should absolutely make smoking cool again. Marlboro is the obvious brand to lead this long voyage back to relevancy, and I think we can all agree that Smoke Monday has one of the best names in college football. With this duo, the cigarette industry is making an evitable comeback.
Grayson Boomer, TE, Tulsa
Brand: Old Spice or Irish Springs Soap
Let me explain: I saw Boomer and immediately thought old people. Look, you’re not going to come up with a better boomer brand than Old Spice cologne or Irish Springs Soap. I would probably accept Colgate too, I suppose. But either way, Grayson has got some serious options with this whole NIL thing.
Justin Flowe, LB, Oregon
Brand: Always Maxi
Let me explain: This makes too much sense. Think about it. First off, Flowe … pretty self-explanatory. Secondly, the man plays defense, and his job is to stop opposing offenses. Maxi pads also play defense, and their job is to stop your girlfriend or wife from turning into a ketchup bottle every time she sneezes during her “special week.”
Big Kat Bryant, EDGE, UCF
Brand: Big Cat Rescue
Let me explain: What’s that b*tch Carole Baskin up to nowadays? If she’s looking for a fresh new face for Big Cat Rescue, I think I might have just the guy. Even if he did bail on some Tigers recently, I think he’s going to financially recover from this — wish I could say the same for the NCAA though.
Cameron Dicker, K, Texas
Brand: Trojan Condoms
Let me explain: Yeah, I’m not explaining that. You get it.
Yusuf Corker, DB, Kentucky
Brand: Barefoot Cellars
Let me explain: I’m 30 now, so I should probably move on to a classier wine brand when I decide to torture myself with the worst hangover on the planet. But hey, at least I’m past that whole slap the bag, Franzia in a box phase from college. Anyhoo, give my guy Corker a deal.
Follow Clint Lamb on Twitter @ClintRLamb.