I should have known as soon as I saw this guy with the Peyton Manning tattoo on his calf that the Vols would find a way to lose to Florida.
Should. Have. Known.
This is the first awkward fan tattoo that I’ve actually witnessed in person. I was standing outside Gate 15 at Neyland Stadium — Vince and Barbara Dooley had just passed — when, like a modern day miracle, a sea of orange-Vol fans parted, and this man stood right in front of me.
I asked to take a picture of his tattoo and he said by way of tattoo explication, “I’m a big Peyton Manning fan.”
What do we love about the awkward Manning tattoo?
Let’s count the ten ways:
1. There is no color.
It takes a real prison artist to make a tattoo without any color.
2. Manning’s penetrating eyes.
Look closely under the helmet and you won’t be able to unsee this, it’s Zombie Manning.
3. The UT helmet socks.
I know, I know, this doesn’t involve the tattoo, but the socks make the tattoo even better. Because withtout the Tennessee socks, I’m totally baffled as to which side this guy is rooting for.
By the way, next time you see a fan dressed up entirely in team gear from head to toe — without fan socks — walk up and say, “Why don’t your socks have a favorite team too?” Then shake your head and look disappointed in the fan.
4. How nicely tucked in the tattoo jersey is, such military precision.
This is a tattoo artist who knows class.
5. Is this a “classic” tattoo or a real-time tattoo?
That is, was the Manning tattoo done while he was still in college, or added after he graduated and had some success with the Colts?
I failed all of you by not asking this question.
6. Can you imagine this guy’s reaction when Manning didn’t win the Heisman?
My dad was ready to burn down ESPN after this happened and he only has a Peyton Manning tattoo on his shoulder.
I can’t imagine how angry this guy was.
7. The mini “T” on the pants.
It’s like real life, y’all.
8. At least he didn’t have sex with mini-donkey named Doodle.
That we know of.
And, yes, that was just a shameless plug for a story you have to read, about the Florida man’s torrid love affair with a mini-donkey. They won’t let him have Doodle back — even though he paid $500 for her — so now he’s alleging a due process violation.
9. What do you do for cold-weather games.
If you get the tattoo on your calf that works great for summer games, but what do you do in the winter?
You have to roll up your jeans to show your loyalty, right?
10. Why stop at just the torso?
If you’re going to get Peyton Manning tattooed onto your calf, why not go ahead and add the legs and feet too?
Look at the way that calf naturally slopes to the foot?
It’s perfect for legs.
In fact, if you wanted to be really awesome, why not end so that Manning’s foot is your foot?
Oh, man, that’s beautiful.
Almost as beautiful as Tebow Time!
Update, @packwill provides us with an additional UT tattoo: yep, that’s Rocky Top in the shape of the state of Tennessee, a redneck splitting of the atom.