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I need golfers!

Are you a golfer/Morning Screencaps fan/Thursday Night Mowing League member/person who likes to have a good time in the SE Michigan/NW Ohio region? I’m putting together a foursome for the Andrew Gulch Memorial golf outing to benefit the Muscular Dystrophy Association on Saturday, August 14 at Bedford Hills Golf Course in Temperance, MI.

Here’s the catch: I’m not golfing and I won’t be there, but I have been supporting this outing through my previous Internet work before OutKick and I’m not about to stop now. Jon Gulch, the event organizer, is a TNML member who lost his son, Andrew, to Myotonic Muscular Dystrophy in 2001.

Jon — whose wife Jackie and their other son, Nick, also suffer from muscular dystrophy — has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for research since starting the golf outing in 2011. This isn’t your typical golf outing. It’s a hockey-themed golf outing that is one big carnival at the golf course. In the past, they’ve done longest drive with a hockey stick, there have been golf ball launchers, a million-dollar hole-in-one contest and now Jon has gotten into the world of drones dropping golf balls for a closest to the cup competition. Trust me, I’d be playing if I wasn’t going on an annual canoe trip.

So last night I paid Jon for a team that I’m going to build from Screencaps/TNML followers/members. It’s on me this year. Now I need at least four of you to step up and represent me at this outing that I’ve enjoyed for the last five to six years.

Here’s what a dream Screencaps/TNML team would look like. This is gender-neutral because you’re damn right I’ll let four women represent me at a golf outing…if you fit these roles:

The A-player: Someone who understands their role as the A-player. You’re not going to get too serious. You’re not going to be mad if you hear music being played in a cart. You’re fully capable of rescuing the team in a time of need.

The fun golfer: You know how to tell a joke. You know how to punch one out in the fairway to let the A-player unload. You enjoy a drink or two. You keep things loose, the conversation going and don’t mind throwing out a few bucks on raffle tickets.

The gambler: It’s a golf outing and that means we’re here to raise money for a great cause. You’ve never seen a silent auction that doesn’t get the juices flowing. You have deep dreams about raffle tickets. Sure, you love to golf, but winning the car wash raffle is what this is all about. Yes, you can hit a putt when needed and can hit a wedge here and there, but you’re more dependable for a few charity bucks.

The B-player: You’re a little bit of everything wrapped up into the golfer who usually hits third. Let’s be honest, the fun golfer hits first and sets the tone at each tee box. The B-golfer is on the verge of breaking through to the A-level, but you still enjoy the course and drink a little too much. This is a utility man/woman position.

Can you fill any of those roles on August 14 at 1:30? I paid the bill. You just need to show up, fill your role, and have an amazing time meeting great people who love sports, this country, and having a great time.

Apply here: joekinsey@gmail.com

I can’t think of a better way to have a great time than meeting fellow members of this community we’ve built here at OutKick. I’ll play general manager. As I said, I don’t care if we have four women, three women, etc. I don’t care if we have four retirees. The team that usually wins the tourney features a 72-year-old former goalie who had a cup of coffee in the NHL. I’ll take four guys like Ted Tucker and we’re winning it all.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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