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Paige VanZant Takes Us Into The Weekend, Gardner Minshew’s Sword & A Spoon-Balancing World Record

Night one in SW Florida…The Weather Channel was on for three straight hours

As I write this edition of Screencaps, I’m likely one of very, very few people still awake in this retiree park five miles from Marco Island. The retirees in this park are snuggled into their down blankets as they brave a brutal night of weather in this part of Florida where it’s supposed to get to 60 tonight and then comes the real cold. It’s going to get down to 36 on Sunday morning.

Keep in mind, we’re down here at the final exit on I-75 before you go across the Everglades. Nothing gets these white hairs fired up like the pool temperature dropping below 90, and it’s hitting 36 on Sunday morning.

We’re talking an expected low that hasn’t happened around here since 1978. And it’s on their mind. Firmly.

Here are the highlights from Thursday on Marco Island with my dad and stepmother:

  1. Lunch and beers at the Speak Easy on Marco; Sat on the patio and watched the pelicans wait for fishermen to clean fish and feed them the guts. I went shrimp po boy and wasn’t disappointed. And the chicken wings were hogs! HUGE.
  2. Dad explained how the boat hotel behind the Speak Easy is where his boat is housed. I’m told that he needs to give the guy an hour and it’s in the water. I was also told that the key is to build a relationship with the boat house guy, tip him and he’ll give you a prime dock spot.
  3. Then it was time for more beers at the Sand Bar where I learned they have three happy hours throughout the day, including a 7 a.m. – 10 a.m. happy hour. My dad swears that’s not for the 3rd shifters on the island because he’s stopped in for breakfast and it’s a bunch of retirees suckin’ down beers at 8 a.m.
  4. Headed back to my dad’s place and the guy across the street, Doug, busted out his baseball mitts and insisted on a game of father-son catch. My dad’s shoulder was sore from shooting an 86 at his Thursday golf league, so he quickly gave up and it was up to me to throw a baseball with Doug.
  5. Weather Channel for hours; I now know exactly what the wind speeds will be in Boston and how much snow they’ll get in Portland, Maine
  6. Gulf shrimp as a snack! I’m told that they’re from the local market where they get 15-18 for $15 and these bad boys are the real deal. I’d consider wintering here just to get my hands on these shrimp for 4-5 months
  7. My dad let me know that there will be a 5:30 wakeup call to go play golf. These white hairs don’t mess around. They get up, get rolling early, eat an early dinner and then watch the Weather Channel for hours!

Like I wrote Thursday, this trip is like Spring Training for my future retiree life. Today I learn about how these retirees handle themselves on the golf course. Then it’s a trip to Everglades City for lunch and more retiree training.

 

• Louisiana bettors! Starting this morning, FanDuel is LIVE across the state and we have an offer for those of you who want to put some skin in the game this weekend for AFC/NFC Championship weekend. Here’s what FanDuel has offered up: 30-1 on any team to win a playoff game. Bet $5 to win $150.

That’s right, you put up $5 for any team to win and turn it into $150. Jump on it! WIN SOME MONEY THIS WEEKEND!

• Britt T. writes:

Despite the fact that I am a Steelers fan, and an Alabama grad and fan, can’t help but love Joey B. I find KC to be a likable team, but I’ll cheer hard this weekend. Hope you and your Dad enjoy it and come out on top.

• Britt T. was also impressed by Thursday’s Screencaps where Jon. H. shared his Guns ‘N Roses story:

Joe, I absolutely fell down reading this one. Joe H. has to have a plan to address the roughly 75 questions he’s going to get when he ultimately pulls this move. I suggest watching the movie Almost Famous; that should give him some ideas. Also, I love all the emails from regular dudes just like me. You’ve created the ultimate “Regular Dude Portal.” Keep it up!

• David C. has a new title I should use:

Best damn blogger in the country.

• Jake M. writes:

Sorry for the tardy response, i was on/off airplanes Wednesday trying to make a sale.   I think of Clay as “President” of the United Readers of OutKick.   As such, you should hold a cabinet position.   This title can apply to many areas/businesses/people…. The Secretary of Common Sense

Enjoy Florida and a go Bengals.

• Dane in Missouri writes:

As the saying goes “Longtime listener (reader), first-time caller (emailer).” Read you’re heading down to Marco and wanted to pass along a pizza recommendation. Just head a few minutes north to Naples and check out Palumbo’s for the best pizza in town. If you don’t like NY style, it’s probably not your place, but the massive amount of NY transplants there every time we went between Nov and March tells me it must be pretty legit. My wife and I lived in Naples for 2.5 years and can confidently say it’s the best pizza you’ll find in the area. 

Also, just had a random thought today reading your blog. I grew up in the KC area and all I could think about was leaving and moving to a bigger city when I was in high school. I eventually made it out to DC for grad school at Georgetown then also worked/lived in Chicago for a time. I can’t believe how wrong my younger self was. My wife and I are happily back in KC now and you would have to drag me kicking and screaming to one of those cities.

Thanks for writing for normal guys out there. I spent so much of my 20s trying to fit in with the Georgetown crowd, but the last few years have shown me how psychopathic (most of) these people turn out to be. I’ve never been happier living in middle America, working on projects around the house, enjoying time with my wife and dogs, getting outside to ride horses, etc. I’m sure the people I went to grad school with would characterize my life as terribly boring and suburban, but I’m enjoying not dealing with Patrick Bateman clones on a daily basis anymore.

Nice to have a site to read when I start my day every day that also appreciates these things. I hope there are others out there who got a peek behind the “elite’s” curtain and decided to run like hell the other way. Keep up the good work!

####

You’re welcome, Dane. I have to say, I’m a little hesitant to rock the boat around here with the retirees and suggesting food spots. One of the first things that I hear about down here is how bad the traffic has been since Christmas. I will quietly suggest this pizza place if we go north on 41. I’m not a very big alpha about directing my dad around when it comes to food.

We drank Tito’s and he told me all about this market where they get produce, fruit and shrimp. I’m telling you guys, this retiree lifestyle means I will have to learn to get militant about farmers’ markets and small seed-to-market stores.

These two aren’t Whole Foods lib libs, but they are militant with their markets.

• Sean C. in Granger, IN writes:

I’ll keep this short.  One, I love the weather girl run you’ve been on lately. There’s something about local news women. As far as a new title, what about Vice President of International Screencap Research, Development, Execution and Distribution.  

Or, if you want to get really creative, something like….
Senior VP of   Supplying  Constant  Reminders that  EverywEbsite  Needs  Creative  Authors  Posting  Stories

• This is Mike T. and Cindy T’s lunch from Wednesday. They’re driving me nuts with these photos.

• OK, it’s after midnight and I have a 5:30 a.m. wake-up call for my lesson on retiree golf. It’s time to hit the sack and get my mind right before hunting down birdies, happy hours and some warmth.

Have a great Friday!

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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  1. I was at Hickam AFB (Pearl Harbor) somewhere around the turn of the century, and the pro bowlers were practicing on the big parade grounds for the upcoming Pro Bowl; after practice, the bus loaded up to get the players back to the hotel, and Big Ben stayed to sign autographs for all the military brats on the sidelines. Soon the players were yelling from the bus for BB to stop it already and get on the bus; Big Ben good naturedly told the players on the bus to fuck off and just wait, and he held up that bus until every autograph was signed, which to their credit they all graciously did. I’ve been a BIG Big Ben fan ever since.

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