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If you’re anything like me, the only way to watch tonight’s presidential debate is with abundant amounts of alcohol in tow.
Yes, we really should all be drinking for our nation’s future that these are the two candidates we’ve selected to represent us out of over 320 million people — the two most hated people to ever be nominated for President in the history of our country are both running against one other.
We really have moved from the Lincoln-Douglas debates to Trump vs. Clinton.
Pray for our country.
Or at least drink for it.
So what better way to play than with a drinking game.
Here are 16 rules in honor of the 2016 election.
1. Every time Donald Trump refers to the success of one of his businesses or his negotiating acumen, drink.
Note: this will probably be enough to get you drunk by itself.
2. When Hillary Clinton directly or indirectly calls Trump a bigot or a racist or calls his supporters bigots or racists, drink.
If Trump follows up this accusation by countering that Hillary is actually the racist because he loves minorities more than she does, do a shot.
3. If Donald Trump mentions Bill Clinton’s affairs in the Oval Office, drink.
If Trump accuses Bill Clinton of rape and Hillary Clinton of helping to cover it up, do a shot.
4. When Hillary references Trump’s bankruptcies or refers to his businesses as unsuccessful, drink.
The Hillary camp is convinced this is the way to make Donald Trump lose his temper. Which, to be fair, is pretty interesting because Trump has run his entire campaign furious at the entire world. When has he ever not lost his temper?
5. When Donald Trump uses the word “HUGE” drink.
If he refers to his huge penis, do a shot.
If he refers to his huge penis, stands up, drops his pants and swings it around like a helicopter, this may seem uncouth, but it probably wins him Florida.
6. Every time Hillary Clinton mentions Barack Obama, drink.
Hillary, who once said Obama wasn’t fit to be president, now knows that she needs every black voter possible to show up and vote for her. Hence her embrace of Obama.
7. When Trump visibly reacts with a face of disbelief to something Hillary says, drink.
If he leaves his jaw hanging open for more than three seconds then you have to do a shot.
8. When either candidate calls the other a liar or accuses the other of lying, drink.
Note: this will be enough to get you drunk by itself.
9. When Trump mentions Hillary’s emails, building his wall, or Benghazi drink.
If Trump refers to Hillary as the worst secretary of state in our nation’s history, do a shot. (If Hillary responds, “Name three secretaries of state in this nation’s history Donald,” finish your bottle. Because Trump won’t be able to name three.)
10. When Trump uses the word “great” as in make America great, make great deals, or describes himself in this manner, drink.
If he uses the word great two times in the same sentence, do a shot.
11. If Hillary begins to cough and passes out, drink.
If they cut to commercial break and when we come back Hillary’s body double is there debating, do a shot.
12. When Trump mentions a building he has built or his daughter, drink until the count of five.
This is the number of biological children Donald Trump has.
13. If Trump references Hillary’s health, stamina or energy, drink.
If he flexes and kisses his bicep immediately after doing so, do a shot.
14. When Trump uses the word “disaster” to refer to anything Hillary has done, drink.
95% of all Trump comments include the word great or disaster. This is scientific fact.
15. Drink when Hillary says, “Black Lives Matter.”
When Trump responds by saying, “All Lives Matter,” and “Blue Lives Matter,” finish your drinks and demand that social media die.
16. If Trump calls Hillary a bitch or a cunt, finish your drink and just pass out.
Also, pray for our country.
You can play along with Outkick readers, viewers, and listeners by using the hashtag #outkick on Twitter or Facebook.
We will also have an immediate post-debate reaction show on Periscope and Facebook Live, so if you aren’t following me on Periscope or Facebook, make sure you do so now.
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