I got a late start writing the gift guide this year because I’ve been kind of busy with things like keeping another tiny human alive and making sure she doesn’t hurl her body off the back of the sofa while laugh maniacally or get herself stuck in the kitchen cabinet (again). It’s like my 14-month-old has a death wish and I’m just this pesky, terrified-looking lady always standing in her way, bribing her to get down from the coffee table with an industrial sized box of Cheddar Bunnies. Parents of toddlers: does it get easier? Will I ever not have someone else’s snot on my pants? Is there a world out there that consists of peeing alone? I’m just…I’m just not quite sure.
Anyways, I was really worried about this late start, until I realized one woman’s late start (mine) is another man’s early start (all of y’all’s). If you’re anything like my husbandâ€”which you probably are because he likes sports and you’re reading Outkick so you like sports and aren’t all you meatheads all the same?â€”you consider starting literally all of your Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve “right on time.” So in reality two weeks before Christmas is actually ungodly early for y’all and most of you will probably forget you read this in that amount of time.
I could sit here and wax poetic about the importance of gifting your wife or girlfriend appropriately and how basically your entire relationship is at stake here and that by “relationship” I actually mean “sex life” and blah blah blah, but you know the drill.
(Also, Clay insisted that before I tell you to buy other things that, and I’m quoting him here, “Make sure those assholes go to outkickgear.com and buy shirts, pants, and hats. 20% off all orders of $60 or more.” Did you guys know Clay has $20 pants? Because he never mentions it.
A Mid-Week Getaway
Kicking things off with an experienceâ€”guys, women love experiences with you. But more than that, they love bragging to their friends about it. I actually received this gift from my husband last year for Christmas. I unwrapped one box to find the folded up cardboard of a Budweiser 6-pack, and I started going through my mental rolodex seeing if I knew any divorce lawyers. “We’re going to St. Louis!” he said. “Get it? Home of Budweiser?” Then I opened up a box with an US Weekly magazine in itâ€”again, mentally debating how to tell him I wanted sole custody of our daughter after the divorceâ€”and he told me to turn to page 19. On page 19, I found a photo of Justin Bieber that he had circled with a sharpie. “We’re going to St. Louis… for the Justin Bieber concert!”
This might sound like most of y’all’s nightmare, but it was actually a bucket list item for me. My husband and I are both huge Bieber fans and his concert was the first time we ever both left our daughter overnight.
The key here is to pick your activity (doesn’t have to be a concert) based on a location you can get to quickly, easily and economically, and to go in the middle of the week. That way, you can get credit for a romantic getaway, but you can do it on the cheap and not have to deal with the weekend crowds at bars or long waits at restaurants. We flew there on a Tuesday morning, explored the City Museum, went to a fancy dinner, got our Bieber fix, had a nice breakfast the next morning and then came back Wednesday afternoon. It takes a little extra planning, but this is probably my favorite Christmas gift I’ve ever received and one of the best memories.
If your wife or girlfriend’s vocabulary consists of obnoxious words like “detox” and “organic” on a loop, she gives major side-eye to people who eat at places like Applebee’s and she just generally enjoys being basic in every sense of the word, she will be in white-girl heaven with this book based off of Gwyneth Paltrow’s popular website. (Also I’m not judging your wifeâ€”I am all of these things. And yes, I will 100% give you side-eye if you eat at Applebee’s; have some respect for yourself and at least choose Chili’s.) But in all seriousness, this book is at the top of my list: it’s a trusted resource for healthy, mindful living with tons of hair and makeup tutorials, workout plans, clean eating tips, all-natural beauty products and much more recommendations and advice for women to look and feel their best every day. Also, she’ll love displaying it as a coffee table book and then being all judgey when someone doesn’t know what it is.
This jewelry line is marketed as “casual diamond jewelry,” so if you’re dating a girl and feel like diamonds are way too serious for where you’re at in your relationship, this is the perfect way to trick yourself into thinking it’s okayâ€”it’s casual, bro. Chillax the eff out, OK? It’s just a *casual* diamond. The line is pretty reasonably priced for upscale diamond jewelry, and it also boasts a huge celebrity following: their website features photos of stars wearing the jewelry like Kelly Ripa, Susan Sarandon and Olivia Wilde. They have necklaces, bracelets, earrings and rings, but I vote for the mini initial necklace (linked above). They have options to choose anywhere from one initial to five, so if the lady in your life also doubles as your baby mama, which is pretty convenient for you, then you can add the initials for your kids.
In case you haven’t already realized this, we womenfolk look for every opportunity to not wear pants, in the form of imposter pants like leggings and tights. There are tons of fashion articles chastising us for doing so, but we’ve listened to way too many Beyonce songs by this pointâ€”we are all are strong, independent women with great asses and phenomenal singing voices and we do what we want. Also, we don’t think y’all will complain about us wearing skintight spandex on a regular basis, am I right? The amazing thing about this pair is that they aren’t your basic workout leggings, so they can be worn with normal clothes, too; she’ll throw these on with black boots and a sweater and BOOM, comfy and stylish outfit. Plus, they have a “lifting fit” with contouring and thick, taut waistband, so they are super figure-flattering.
Listen everyone, I know $114 is a little pricey for leggings, but she really will wear the heck out of them for a long time. Plus they stretch, so when she gains five pounds she’s not going to light them on fire like she did the pair of designer skinny jeans you bought her last year when she realized she couldn’t button them. (The small pants must be burned. THE SMALL PANTS MUST SUFFER.) However, if you want to find a less expensive version because you don’t love your wife that much, the site offers plenty of other great options between $60-$80.
Marble everything is what’s hot right now in home decor, so unless you want to cough up the cash to let her professionally redo her kitchen countertops in white marble, you might want to consider my affordable alternative. These “You Are My Favorite” and “Hello Lovely” gilded cheese boards are the perfect marble addition to her kitchen: she’ll use them as a pretty way to serve cheese and crackers and other appetizers when y’all have friends over, and when she’s not using them she’ll love displaying them on the countertops for uplifting reminders that she is, in fact, quite lovely and your favorite, even though you haven’t told her that since the early days when you were trying unsuccessfully to get laid all the time.
You might think pajamas are a cop out for a Christmas gift, but that’s because you’ve never gifted her PJ Salvage pajamas. Guys, these are the world’s softest, most comfortable PJS that still manage to be stylish. They’re known for their luxury fabrics and chic patterns that flatter a woman’s body. This year, why don’t you try doing something different and not being a perv and buying her that creepy Elf lingerie thing you’ve had your eye for weeks; get her something she can actually relax in comfortably. The link above is for a cute baseball tee; pair it with any of the cute pants, like these. I also love the matching fleece sets, or even the hoodie with shorts.
If your ladyfriend is a mom, she needs a backpack. Trust me on this one. And it needs to be black and leather and sleek, like the linked backpack above. If your wife is a brand new mom, for example, she is probably juggling a newborn in a big, bulky carrier plus a massive diaper bag plus her gigantic, milk-engorged boobs, all while trying to get out the door without killing herself or anyone in her path. Ain’t nobody got time to balance a purse on their arm at a time like that, which is why the backpack will be her savior. Even if she doesn’t have kids, your wife will still love the ease of a classic black backpack with tons of pockets and compartments and secure, adjustable shoulder straps to make running around town spending your money as comfortable and convenient as humanly possible. Looking for a less expensive option? Try this or this for the same effect.
Most of you have already clicked the link and purchased three before even reading the description because you saw the word naked in the title. This is actually a new, must-have makeup palette filled with neutral colors that look good on every womanâ€”really, there’s a color combo in here for every skin tone. I could sit here and tell you all about the velvety texture and the blendability and the pigment infusion system of the Naked palette but I’m pretty sure you’d rather see Clay naked than listen to me go on and on about makeup. So to sum it up: this is pretty much a no-fail gift if your wife or girlfriend is a beauty lover.
By now if you don’t already know about the fail-proof gift idea of earrings from Anthropologie, I can’t with you. Women love Anthro earrings. Write that down so I don’t have to say it again next year.
Is she a runner or an avid outdoorswoman? Get her a cute ear warmer so she will still be able to feel her ears after a jog outside.
If you really love your lady, you’ll do everything you can to help her stay buzzed even when she’s on a business trip or a weekend excursion. Plus, everything is cuter when it comes in mini-versionsâ€”even alcoholism!