There might not be a better representation of ‘Merica at its best than the summer music festival. You can’t swing a small object around without hitting a hot chick in a crop top, there’s more music than your brain can process, and you’re never more than a stumble away from a beer stand. No matter what corner of the country you call home, there’s a festival for you, from Cali’s Coachella, to the CMA fest in Nashvegas, to the very southern tip of Florida’s Tortuga Music Festival on the beach in Fort Lauderdale.
Jon Pardi is known for his traditional country tunes, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to…pardi hearty (I’m so sorry). He’s one of over 30 country artists on the Tortuga lineup April 15-17. We asked him to help us come up with this year’s Outkick Music Festival drinking game–the best way to kill time between opening acts that you’ve never heard of.
Here’s what we came up with:
Every time a headliner mentions tailgating in a song, drink.
Every time you see a tan line that you wish you hadn’t, drink. If it’s in a place they they can’t show on TV, do a shot.
Each time you get sand in a place that you’ll find in the shower later, take a drink.
Every time an artist says, “Are you guys having a good time,” drink. If you’re not, in fact, having a good time, finish your drink. And refill.
Take one sip of your drink for every “make America great again” hat you see, two for every Feel the Bern t-shirt, and if you see someone in a Bill Clinton mask, finish your drink.
Drink anytime you hear someone on stage say the words drink, drank, or drunk.
Every time you see someone get hit by a flying beer, pour out a little of yours to appease the party gods. If you’re the one that got hit, Tweet furiously about it until you feel better.
For every bikini you spot, take a drink. If it’s red, white and blue, take two. If it’s an American flag, stand at attention and salute while you drink.
For every male you spot wearing an American flag Speedo, take a moment to reflect on how if you’d made better life choices, maybe you too would be sporting such a freedom-filled holder of precious cargo.
Every time you see a lone man dancing, join him. Start a movement.
Every time an artist you love turns out to suck live, drink ’til you don’t care.
Guitar solo: sip. Violin solo: drink. Steel guitar solo: chug. Accordion solo: polka. Keytar solo: drop everything and lose mind in rage of dancing madness immediately.
Every time you see a girl on a guy’s shoulders, drink. Every time you see a guy on a girl’s shoulders, pray for her sake that he hasn’t been playing the Outkick drinking game.