Oregon Health Czar Is Giving People Permission To Kiss Again… No, Seriously

Good news, horny Oregonians! You’re now free to play a little tonsil hockey with your date! The Oregon Health Authority directed the good news towards students via a Facebook post, just in time to allow charged-up coeds the opportunity to enroll in French class.

So to all you nerds out there with cobwebs on your tongues, stock up on Tic Tacs and practice on your pillow because the self-made authoritarians are allowing you to smooch again.

Dating during COVID-19, OHA graphic with an illustration of a young couple. Get vaccinated. Zoom dates not cutting it? Consider outdoor activities. Meeting in person? If your date has potential COVID-19 symptoms, postpone for 10 days. In a crowd outdoors or inside a public space? Please wear a mask and physically distance. If you're both vaccinated and taking COVID-19 precautions, intimacy is likely to be safe.

Well, now that the OHA says it’s OK…feel free to swap 18 months of saliva with your fellow vaccinated hornball.

Fearful that people enjoying their freedoms might transmit COVID Cinemax-style, the sex-deprived Oregon health officials advised residents of the Beaver State in April of 2020 to refrain from knocking boots and to instead, familiarize themselves with a bottle of Jergens. Their message was: “You are your safest sex partner.”

Now, with needle jabs in vogue across the Pacific Northwest, the OHA is back on board with giving intimacy a shot:

“Across Oregon, college students are returning to campuses and finding that dating and relationships are different than before the COVID-19 pandemic. Sometimes navigating the world of dating, relationships and sex can be confusing and awkward, but with COVID-19 there are additional concerns and health risks. Consider communicating your level of comfort and expectations. … If both of you are vaccinated, feeling well and are taking precautions to avoid COVID-19 exposure, intimacy is likely to be safe.”

Anyone heeding the OHA’s advice probably wasn’t necking before the pandemic, and likely has little reason to engage in a present day make-out sesh. So ditch the Tic Tacs and restock the Jergens.



Written by Anthony Farris

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply