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Only In Florida: Naked Man Steals American Flag

The Volusia County sheriff’s department needs your help to identify a naked man who stole an American flag, then used the Stars and Stripes to cover his rocket.

Wearing nothing but his pride, the vandal approached an Ormond Beach home on John Anderson Drive in Florida (of course it’s Florida) and walked away with Old Glory — and the whole thing was caught by a home security system.

Though most proud Americans remove their hats as they stand during “The Star-Spangled Banner,” this bare bandit seems to have put his hat back on. He covered his personal flag pole with what appears to a hat as he approached the Red, White, and Blue.

This man is either completely shameless or completely unashamed of his naked American patriotism.

In any case, he still committed a crime. And despite a relatively clear picture of his face and his rear, police have been unable to identify the jackass.

“NEWS FLASH Don’t know the back story here but we’re looking to ID a naked man who stole an American flag from a home,” began the sheriff department’s tweet. Police then left an email address and several phone numbers for anyone who might have tips relating to the crime.

There are two main questions here: Why steal an American flag? And why do so naked?

My best guesses:

  1. Meth and an angry girlfriend.
  2. He was seeking to hitch a ride with the naked and drunk Florida woman who drove a golf cart into a police standoff, and didn’t want to be the awkward one still dressed.
  3. More meth, which caused him to think it was the Fourth of July and he needed to decorate. No one in Florida wears clothes on the 4th anyways.

Chime in with your answers in the comments below.

 

Follow along on Twitter: @OhioAF

 

Written by Anthony Farris

Anthony is a former high school basketball intramural champion who played a leading role in creating two offspring. He spends his weekends hoping for an MTV Rock N' Jock revival.

Follow him on twitter @OhioAF

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