Officer Taylor Shelton Stops By, HR Derby Fan Takes A Fall & The Stanley Cup Is Injured

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It’s easy to bag on ESPN, but the network tends to bring it upon themselves with things like last night’s camera angles

Let’s start with the cameras during the Home Run Derby. I was exhausted from having my eyes thrown into a dryer while trying to watch baseballs being drilled into the thin air in Colorado. I wasn’t alone. 3/4 of the time, you couldn’t tell if a ball went out because ESPN wouldn’t even show the ball. Or the production truck couldn’t figure out which camera had the right shot. Juan Soto was hitting shots that looked like pop-ups but they were actually blasts to right-center that were getting out. Oh well, we had to take Eduardo Perez’s word for it.

Speaking of Eduardo, I absolutely LOVE the Perez family based on what his father ‘Big Dog’ Tony Perez means to Reds fans, but the son shouldn’t be doing color commentary for the Derby. It’s not working. Put Pat McAfee in the seat. I don’t need swing analysis. I need a carnival. I want Pat to lose his mind. At least for one year.

I get it, the Spanish-speaking guys feel comfortable with Eduardo around. So give him a Derby sideline reporting job. I want Pat rattling off one-liners that are buried deep inside his brain. There are many in that skull ready to roll.

And what were the pink and red home run trackers? My 8-year-old tried to watch his first Derby, and I sat there unable to explain to him what those lines meant. It couldn’t have meant they were 475-foot home runs because some of the landing spots were 5-10 rows up in left-center.

While I’m at it, ESPN has to do something about the mics picking up the crowd noise. It was nearly impossible to hear Karl Ravech and Perez when the fans were going nuts over Meathead Alonso crushing bombs. WE NEED TO HEAR THEIR VOICES, YOU FOOLS.

Last night reminds me of ESPN putting Booger McFarland up in that stupid sideline lift. They have this belief that they have to out-cute the other networks. They have to be elite. How about just being clean. Put on a production where our heads aren’t spinning and we can hear the boring announcers. Let’s start with that and add McAfee.

I don’t even want to hear it from the old white hair baseball fans that they aren’t watching if Pat’s doing the color commentary. Suck it, nerds. I hope your regional TV money runs out and you come crying on your knees for forgiveness.

• Now that I have that off my chest, it rained nearly all day Monday. We’re well over 48 hours now where the concrete hasn’t dried. I’m talking two washouts in a row. And then ESPN put on that production Monday night while I was mentally vulnerable. Shame on them. My pool’s about to overflow, and the WWL turned in that performance. SMH.

• Proof that we’re working behind the scenes to keep growing.

• I’m starting to work my way through all the reading suggestions you guys sent in. I started with the story Chris S. sent in of the family that escaped Venezuela thanks to the Cincinnati Reds, who employ one of their sons. The socialists should read how this family views its new life in Ohio compared to the horrors they left behind. I know, they won’t.

• John S. writes in on Stephen Colbert hosting the Richard Branson space flight coverage:

Did you see the Virgin Galactic historic flight Sunday morning? Amazing stuff but it seemed silly to have a comedian host such an important event. The guy was even using a Godzilla prop and making spaceship noises with a model spaceship. It was hard to watch, even cringeworthy.

I DID NOT see that. I was feeding the kids and washing dishes. It would’ve been quite a moment if Colbert was cracking jokes and Branson’s Virgin jet blew up.

• Jeremy P. in Alpharetta, GA has joined the league:

Hey Joe!

I just found your columns recently and you have me converted. I have started a TNML in the Williamsburg subdivision here in Alpharetta, GA. Gonna be getting the crew all t-shirts. Thanks for the inspiration. It is amazing how much better it feels not to have to mow on the weekends and just enjoy time with the fam. 

Wait just a minute, are we about to have TNML clubs across the country? Is this really happening? Jeremy’s talking about plural (SHIRTS)! I knew the league was growing, but this exponential growth is off the charts. This movement is taking over the mowing industry.

Jeremy gets it. He understands it’s a lifestyle.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.


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