Nike Can’t Help Itself, Releases A New Colin Kaepernick Collection That No One Will Buy

Nike unveiled a new capsule from washed-up ex-NFL QB Colin Kaepernick.

Yes, they did this in late 2023, months — perhaps even years after Kaepernick brought even an ounce of cache to the table.

Which begs the question: why the hell does Nike keep doing this? And another question: what the hell is a capsule?

First, a "capsule" appears to be what Nike calls something that isn't quite a "collection."

As for why Nike thinks Kaepernick even needs a capsule, there's of course a pretty simple answer to that question and it lies in the Swoosh's notorious no-holds-barred wokeness streak.

"Colin Kaepernick's optimistic hope for the future is rooted in his belief in our collective power to effect change," Nike's website reads.

He believes in the collective power to effect change by selling shirts with what appear to be doodles from the cover of a middle schooler's Trapper Keeper on them for $50 a pop?

Interesting. Activism sure has changed, hasn't it?

Nike working with Kaepernick is nothing new, but they've continued long after he was even remotely relevant. (Photo by Robert Alexander/Getty Images)

Nike Continues To Work With 'NFL Free-Agent' Kaepernick Despite A Complete Lack Of Bringing Anything To The Table

The funniest part comes in the next line when Nike describes Kaepernick. There are a lot of ways to do that — hack, grifter, guy who can't take a hint — but Nike went with "NFL free-agent quarterback and civil rights activist."

Look, at this point, if Colin Kapernick is an NFL free agent, so are you and I. The phone's open, but no one's calling. I'm not sure too many in-demand players send cover letters to teams whose QB blew out his Achilles, like a finance major trying to schmooze their way into an internship at an investment firm.

Kaepernick's fixation on playing in the NFL is hilarious. If he wanted to play ball, he could do it... in the CFL, XFL, USFL, or any other league that isn't the NFL. Yet he insists it's NFL or bust.

That'd be like if a washed-up band was getting ready to go on tour and their manager was like, "So where do you guys want to play," to which they said, "Wembley Stadium sounds cool." Then the manager says, "Well, I don't know that we could fill Wembley, but I can get you a night at the bar down the street," and the washed-up band goes, "Nope, we want to play Wembley."

Colin Kaepernick is that washed-up band.

So with all of this in mind, it illustrates how obsessively woke Nike is. Does Kaepernick bring any value at all? Sure, he's got name recognition, but so does OJ Simpsons, and I'm not sure too many companies would be lining up to give him a collection (although I could see Big Baller Brand considering it if that's even still around).

Oh well, if they want to keep churning out Kaepernick merch that no one will buy, that's their prerogative.

Follow on X: @Matt_Reigle